The September 2002 issue of More magazine carried an article titled, "The Day I'll Never Forget." It was an interview with prominent people about where they were and what they remember from the most momentous events in American history. Janice Aldrin recalled the giant, rocket-shaped cake her family and friends ate to celebrate the day when her dad, astronaut Buzz Aldrin, first set foot on the moon. Former Olympic track star Madeline Manning Mims remembered the terror she and her teammates felt at the 1972 Olympics in Munich when terrorists invaded the Olympic village and killed a number of Israeli athletes. And Yolanda King, daughter of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., remembered the terrible day when her father was assassinated. As a little girl, she tried to deny that her father was really dead. She never really faced her emotions and memories of that day until she became an adult. (1)
Some events in our lives leave an indelible impression. I could ask some of you where you were the day John F. Kennedy was assassinated and you could tell me. One man I know of was in surgery. As he came out from under the cloud of anesthesia, he heard doctors and nurses in the recovery room asking, "Is he still alive?" He didn't know they were talking about the President. He thought they were talking about him. He said he tried desperately to wiggle a little finger so they would realize that he was still with them. (2) Some events leave an indelible impression. We never forget them.
At the end of today's lesson from the Gospel of Luke, Luke tells us that Jesus' mother Mary "treasured all these things in her heart." That's an interesting phrase. Wouldn't you love to be a television reporter and do an interview with Mary, the mother of Jesus, late in her life? What were those things that she treasured in her heart? Which events stand out? The wedding at Cana, perhaps, where Jesus turned the water to wine? Certainly his crucifixion and resurrection. But surely one of the events she would recall in that interview would be the episode in today's lesson--when their family visited the Temple when Jesus was 12-years-old.
It's a story that even our children know. Every year Jesus' parents went up to Jerusalem for the Feast of the Passover. But something happened on their pilgrimage when Jesus was 12 that made that particular trip memorable. After the Feast was over, Mary and Joseph started home, but without their knowledge or consent, Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem. Mary and Joseph were traveling with a large group of pilgrims, so they didn't think anything of it when they went a full day without seeing Jesus. They assumed he was with some of his friends.
But, before too long, they realized that he should have appeared by now. They began looking for him among their relatives and friends and suddenly they realized that Jesus was missing. Back they went to Jerusalem. Can you imagine? It took three days before they located him. By this time they were probably out of their minds with worry. They found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. Everyone who heard this 12-year-old youngster was amazed at his understanding and his answers. When his parents saw him, they were beside themselves. His mother said to him, "Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you."
"Why were you searching for me?" he asked rather cryptically. "Didn't you know I had to be in my Father's house?" It wasn't a belligerent answer. And they didn't take it as one. They had great faith in their son. They didn't understand him sometimes, but they trusted him. Does that sound familiar to anyone?
This is a great story. No wonder Mary treasured it in her heart. We get a glimpse of family life in the home of Mary and Joseph. We know from this story that they were devout people who followed the dictates of their faith. We know they trusted Jesus. He was a responsible kid. The fact that they could begin the pilgrimage back home without checking on his whereabouts is proof of that. And we know they handled conflict well. Mary expressed her concern about his disappearing act, but there was no temper tantrum, no histrionics. Could you say the same about your family? It's an important question.
Some families handle conflict better than others.
Stephen Glenn tells a wonderful story about a famous research scientist who had made several very important medical breakthroughs. A newspaper reporter interviewed this scientist and asked why, in his opinion, he was so much more creative than the average person.
This scientist answered that he believed it was because of an experience he had with his mother when he was about two years old. He had been trying to get a bottle of milk out of the refrigerator when he lost his grip on it, spilling its contents all over the kitchen floor. It created a veritable sea of milk!
When his mother came into the kitchen, instead of yelling at him, giving him a lecture or punishing him, she said, "Robert, what a great and wonderful mess you have made! I have rarely seen such a huge puddle of milk. Well, the damage has been done. Would you like to play in the milk for a few minutes before we clean it up?"
Robert thought that was a great idea. After a few minutes, his mother said, "You know, Robert, when you make a mess like this, eventually you have to clean it up. So, how would you like to do that? Would you rather use a sponge, a towel, or a mop?" He chose the sponge, and together they cleaned up the mess. His mother then said, "You know, what we have here is a failed experiment in how to effectively carry a big milk bottle with two little hands. Let's go out to the back yard and fill the bottle up with water. Then we'll see if you can figure out a way to carry it without dropping it." The little boy learned that if he grasped the bottle at the top with both hands, he could carry it without dropping it. It was a wonderful lesson!
This renowned scientist then remarked that at that moment he knew he didn't need to be afraid of making mistakes. Instead, he learned that mistakes were just opportunities for learning something new, which is, after all, what scientific experiments are all about. Even if the experiment doesn't work, we usually learn something valuable from it. (3)
Wow! I'm not going to ask you Moms and Dads if you have the kind of patience this future scientist's Mom showed. How do you handle conflict in your family? How do you handle mistakes? How do you handle disobedience or rudeness? Do you understand that you are modeling behavior for your children? You can teach them about responsible behavior until you are blue in the face, but the truth is that they are much more likely to emulate what you do than what you say.
Oh, I know, kids can drive you nuts sometimes. A kindergarten teacher was helping one of her students put his boots on. He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. By the time the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and, sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off. He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them." She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots on his feet again. She said, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said, "I stuffed them in my boots . . ." (4)
Kids can drive you crazy. Parents can drive you crazy too. I'm certain kids get confused about the parent who can be so loving at times and at other times so grouchy and short-tempered. Kids don't understand about stress, I know. They do understand, however, that a parent's response can be out of proportion to a child's misdeed.
We can learn from our children sometimes. The wife of an Adventist minister was writing about their family life. She said that their family lives in apartments most of the year, because they move from city to city holding evangelistic meetings.One evening, after a meeting, she and her daughter took all of the dirty clothes out of their temporary apartment home to a Laundromat. They closed the door on a naked apartment: the beds were stripped, the towels were taken down, their clothes supply was exhausted. Everything went in the triple-load washer at the Perky Clean Laundromat. This wife and mother didn't feel very perky at 11:00 p.m., but she knew the job had to be done. Suddenly the washing machine stopped. The attendant called the manager. When he arrived, he said she'd have to come back in the morning. They were sending her home with no sheets to sleep on, no towels to dry on, and no clean clothes to put on! She confesses that she was steamed. Until Beth, her daughter, exclaimed, "Oh, Mom, being a minister's family is so exciting! Isn't this fun!" As her daughter giggled with spontaneous glee, she saw she really meant it. And this exhausted mother began to laugh with her. There wasn't anything else to do. Except, of course, to thank God for her wonderful daughter, who used her influence to bless her Mom at nearly midnight in the Perky Clean Laundromat. (5)
There are some lessons we can learn from our children. That's why on one occasion, when Jesus wanted to make a point to his disciples, he put a little child in the midst of them. Children learn from their parents, but there are lessons parents can learn from their children.
Mary and Joseph were devout people. They trusted God. They also trusted their son Jesus. They handled conflict well in their family. There was a bond of love and respect. I've seen that in families, and it is a beautiful thing to behold. You know those children are going to turn out well. That doesn't mean that these children don't make mistakes. All children make mistakes, but the mistakes are kept in perspective. No one throws a tantrum, and no one gets out of control. Each problem is handled with love and mutual respect.
Pastor Billy D. Strayhorn tells about a movie with this theme. It's an appropriate movie for this season of the year.
It's titled simply The Christmas Story. It tells the story of Ralphie, a young boy living in northern Indiana in the late 1940s. In one scene, Ralphie beats up a neighborhood bully, literally pummeling his foe. Ralphie's mother catches him in the act and Ralphie expects the worst from his father that evening.
At dinner, his father asked about his day. Before he had a chance to reply, his mother responded, "Nothing much. Ralphie had a fight."
His father put down the paper and gazed at Ralphie. "A fight? What kind of fight?"
Mom replied again, "Oh, you know how boys are. I gave him a talking to. Oh, I see the Bears are playing the Packers Sunday."
Distracted by the sports page, the father forgets about the fight. Ralphie beams a smile at his mother for overlooking his bad behavior. Ralphie says to himself, "I slowly realized that I was not about to be destroyed. From then on, things were different between me and my mother." (6) That happens in families. How you handle mistakes, problems, disappointments, conflict of any kind may have a remarkable impact on how young people in your home handle their lives.
Mary and Joseph were devout people. They trusted their son, Jesus. They handled conflict well in their family. Did it work? Listen to how this story ends: "Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man." Not bad, huh? May each of us do as well with those we love.
1. "The Day I'll Never Forget" by Connie Collins, More Sept. 2002 pp. 42-45.
2. King Duncan, The Amazing Law of Influence (Gretna, LA: Pelican Publishing, 2001).
3. Remember, We're Raising Children, Not Flowers!, By Jack Canfield, Source: The Inspired Buffalo.
4. Contributed by Byrl Shaver.
5. By Gloria Bentzinger, Adventist Review, November 1996, http://www.adventistreview.org/ WIT & WISDOM.
6. From a sermon by Billy D. Strayhorn, "The Dawn of Forever."