During the 1980s a marvelous new gadget surfaced in millions of American homes: the answering machine. As a result, "After the Beep" has become one of the most familiar phrases in the English language. While there are a few creative souls out there who endeavor to entertain us with witty out-of-the-ordinary messages, we all pretty much know what to expect when we hear the machine pick up, don't we? One may as well simply record, "Hello, this is you know who, and we're not you know where, so at the you know when, leave a you know what, and we will well, YOU KNOW!" (1)

I don't like "The Beep." I have an affliction whose symptoms only strike while I am leaving a message "After the Beep." I am transformed into an idiot, a bungler and fumbler of words "After the Beep." I've left some of the du…