In Shakespeare's Hamlet, there is the scene where old Polonius, an aging, sentimental blowhard, gives advice to his son, Laertes. Laertes is preparing to leave for France and old Polonius, knowing what sometimes happens to eighteen year olds in Paris, does what fathers do -- he offers advice. Most of his advice is rather innocuous. In those days, before dreaded social diseases, there wasn't really any important parental advice like, "Always remember what Surgeon General Koop says…"

Despite its stupidity, Polonius' speech to his son is a great favorite of Shakespeare lovers. My high school English teacher read it to us the last day of class our Senior Year. I even found it painted in six foot letters on the walls of the dining hall at the University of Indiana for all the students to medit…