Is there any son or daughter in this world who is not thrilled by this little declaration of praise from a parent, "I'm proud of you?" When baseball great Henry Aaron hit his 715th home run breaking Babe Ruth's remarkable record, that is what he said: "I don't' remember the noise, or the two kids that ran on the field. My teammates at home plate, I remember seeing them. I remember my mother out there and she hugging me. that's what I'll remember more than anything about that home run when I think back on it. I don't know where she came from, but she was there...." (1)
Hank Aaron-a veteran ballplayer, known and applauded by millions, but what he remembered most was that his mother was there when he broke that record. Few of us ever escape the desire to please our parents. For some persons, that is the primary motivation that drives them on to success-- even though their parents may have been dead for many years and even though they may not even be conscious of it. We are still trying to please Dad or Mom. For some, that is a crushing burden to carry. For some of us there is that corollary feeling that no matter what we do, we will never measure up to what we perceive as our parents' demands. But rare is that person who does not want to please Mom or Dad.
Of course, it also works the other way. Which of us parents doesn't want our children to be proud of us? It is said of the later Rufus Jones that he spent a lifetime measuring up to the accolades of his son who died at the age of 11. Writing more than forty years after his son's death, Jones put it like this: "I overheard him once talking with a group of playmates, when each one was telling what he wanted to be when grown up, and Lowell said when his turn came, 'I want to grow up and be a man like my daddy.' Few things in my life have ever touched me as those words did, or have given me a greater impulse to dedication. What kind of a man was I going to be, if I was to be the pattern for my boy?" (2)
Rufus Jones became a great man partially because his son was proud of him. What a powerful bond there is between parent and child. How we love to please one another. I hope each of you parents in this room is smart enough to tell your children how proud you are of them. I sometimes wonder, though, if instead of saying, "I'm proud of my child," we ought not say, "I'm thankful for my child." When we say, "I'm proud," it sounds like an act of self-congratulations--as if we were pleased with ourselves for being perfect parents. There are many parents who work just as hard as you do at nurturing their young, but a child is not a robot. Sometimes no matter how hard we work at parenting, a child will lose his or her way. Someone has said that youth is a time of rapid changes.
Between the ages of twelve and seventeen, a parent can age thirty years. A child who has a good mind and a healthy body and, even more importantly, a loving heart, is a gift of God. Say to that child, "I am thankful for you." You know the power of the self-fulfilling prophecy. If you expect good things from your son or daughter, if you let that child know that he or she is accepted and loved and approved of--if you say frequently, "I'm proud of you or I'm glad I am your parent or I thank God you are the kind of person you are," that child will live up to those expectations. But if you tell a child that he or she is no good, if you fill that child with a sense of shame and rejection, if you make that child somehow feel unworthy, then watch out. He or she may be super successful in one are or another, but in some way a price will be paid for that neglect. In that famous phrase of a few years back, we all need to know, "I'm O.K.!"
All of this is my way of introducing our text for the day. John was baptizing persons in the river Jordan. Imagine his great pleasure in being the one to baptize Jesus. It must have been an important day in Jesus' life as well. Not only did this experience mark the beginning of his teaching ministry, not only did he give us an example to follow to submitting to this very meaningful symbol of baptism, but something very beautiful happened to Jesus. as he was coming out of the water, he saw the heavens open and the Spirit descending on him like a dove. And he heard a voice coming down from heaving saying, "Thou are my beloved Son; with thee I am well pleased." A father pleased with his son. Nothing unusual about that. But this was no ordinary son and this was no ordinary father.
Can you experience the humanness of Jesus on this unforgettable occasion? Can you feel the warmth and the jubilation within his heart as he receives God's approval. Notice what it does for him. First of all, it makes him more humble. Jesus never acted like royalty is supposed to act. We would expect the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords to be pampered, spoiled, catered to--to demand all of the "perks" that go with his position. We would expect him to be vain, arrogant, proud. Listen. You find somebody like that and you will be looking at someone who never got his father's or mother's approval. Only the very insecure person demands special recognition. The secure person can afford to be humble.
The story is told of Dr. Charles Mayo who, with his father and brother, founded the world-famous Mayo Clinic. A group of European medical experts were visiting the clinic and were staying as guests of Dr. Mayo at his home. In their own countries it was the custom of these gentlemen to place their shoes outside the bedroom doors for a servant to polish. As Dr. Mayo was retiring he noticed shoes lined up outside the rooms of his guests, but it was too late to wake any of the servants. With a sigh he picked up all of the shoes, hauled them to the kitchen, and spent half of the night polishing them. Dr. Charles Mayo was secure enough to be humble himself like that. Jesus was secure enough in his relationship with his Father to humble himself to wash his disciples' feet. He had no need to say to the world, "Look at me! I'm somebody great!" He had all of the approval he needed. It made him more humble and it made him more accepting of others.
Jesus embarrassed his disciples on more than one occasion by his acceptance of the least and lowly. "Don't you know what kind of woman she is?" they asked as the woman of the streets washed his feet with her tears and dried them with her hair. "Doesn't the Master know what kind of people have invited him to dine this evening? Can't he see that he will never win the hearts of the people if he insists on being seen in the company of sinners and tax- collectors?" Jesus didn't seem to put anybody down--not the woman caught in adultery, nor the despised Samaritans or even the agents of Rome. Instead, he reserved his wrath for the self-righteous Pharisees who were experts at making other people feel unworthy. Listen again, my friend. The person who puts other people down isn't sure of his or her own acceptance or approval. John 3:17, "The Son came into the world not to condemn he world but that the world through him might be saved."
I like the way Clarence Jordan translated II Corinthians 5:17-18 in his COTTON PATCH VERSION OF THE EPISTLES: "God was in Christ hugging the world to Himself. He has bridged the gap between Himself and us and has given us the job of bridging the gaps. He no longer keeps track of (our sins) and has planted in us His concern for getting together...So now in Christ's behalf we urge you to open up to God." That's good. No wonder he pleased his Father. Humility, acceptance. And commitment. No one ever measured up to his Father's dream for him like Jesus. Even agonizing in the garden with sweat falling from his brow like the great drops of blood, he prayed, "Not my will but thine be done."
I suppose there are parents who think that they are doing their children a favor by withholding their approval. It will make them work harder, they deduce. If so, it will be at a great emotional cost. Listen one last time. The chronically under- achieving child is not that way because he or she has been spoiled by a parent's attentiveness. Rather that child's apathy is because his or her spirit has been broken by a feeling of unworthiness.
A healthy relationship motivates, energizes, encourages. I hope you see that I am really preaching two messages today. One is in praise of Jesus for all he means to us--his humility, his love, his willingness to give his life in our behalf. But the other is to those of us who are parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles, Sunday School teachers, etc. Just as the Father-God said to Jesus on the day of his baptism, "Thou are my beloved son. With thee I am well pleased," so do we need to help those young ones who are entrusted to our care to know that we are pleased--pleased with our responsibility to them and for them, pleased for the kind of young men and young women they are becoming, and pleased that God has brought them our way. Then we will produce a generation of new adults with godly humility, genuine love for others, and a great commitment to making their lives count.
Carlyle Marney once put it like this: "The Freudians emphasize to us that we are controlled by basement people from our past who go with us everywhere and push up out of our unconsciousness to push us off our best trails...We Christians have another powerful kind of influence available to us." Marney called them balcony people--people who love God and love us and seek to cheer us on to be more loving and to be more like Christ." (3) Let us have less basement people and more balcony people--less jeering and more cheering. "Thou are my beloved son; with thee I am well pleased."
1. In an interview with George Plimpton.
2. Source unknown.
3. Cited in Keith Miller and Bruce Larson, THE PASSIONATE PEOPLE (Waco: Word Books, 1979.