"My most vivid childhood memory of Christmas," writes columnist Dave Barry, "that does not involve opening presents, putting batteries in presents, playing with presents, and destroying presents before sundown, is the annual Nativity Pageant at St. Stephen's Episcopal Church in Armonk, New York." Mrs. Elson was the director, and she would tell the children what role they would play, based on their artistic abilities. For example, if you were short you would get a role as an angel, which involved being part of the Heavenly Host and gazing with adoration at the Christ Child.

"Shepherd was my favorite role," recalls Barry, "because you got to carry a stick, plus you spent most of the pageant waiting back in the closet with a rope that led up to the church bell and about 750,000 bats. Many we…