A group of boys and girls was asked to sum up what they had learned from the New Testament. Here is a summation of what they had learned: "Jesus is the star of the New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Republicans. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.
"Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead. Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution."
You laugh, but many adults wouldn't fare much better in describing the New Testament. Here are eight signs you are not reading your Bible enough:
- The pastor announces the sermon is from Galatians . . . and you check the table of contents.
- You think Abraham, Isaac and Jacob may have had a few hit songs during the 60s.
- You open to the Gospel of Luke and a WWII Savings Bond falls out.
- Your favorite Old Testament patriarch is Hercules.
- You become frustrated because Charlton Heston isn't listed in either the concordance or the table of contents.
- Catching the kids reading the Song of Solomon, you demand: "Who gave you this stuff?"
- You keep falling for it every time when pastor tells you to turn to First Condominiums.
- And the No. 1 sign you may not be reading your Bible enough: The kids keep asking too many questions about your usual bedtime story: "Jonah the Shepherd Boy and His Ark of Many Colors."