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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. Fields
All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
W. C. Fields
Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
W. C. Fields
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. Fields
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields
I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.
W. C. Fields
I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.
W. C. Fields
If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it.
W. C. Fields
It was a woman who drove me to drink - and you know, I never even thanked her.
W. C. Fields
It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
W. C. Fields
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. Fields
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
W. C. Fields
Once during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
W. C. Fields
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. Fields
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
W. C. Fields
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. Fields
When asked to borrow money: "I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer."
W. C. Fields
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. Fields
Women are like elephants. They are interesting to look at, but I wouldn't like to own one.
W. C. Fields
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