After dying in a car crash, three friends went to heaven for orientation. They were given the privilege of spiritually attending their funerals. They were each asked, "What would you like your friends and family members to say about you?" The physician answered, "I hope they will say that I was one of the great physicians of my time and a loving family man." The second deceased person, a schooltea...
Many folks, especially preachers, don't know what to make of Luke's accounts (Luke 24:50-53; Acts 1:1-11) of the ascension of Jesus. The other three gospels don't mention it and, frankly, the story seems a little too mythical for twenty-first-century readers. Educated people of the western world have discarded the three-tier cosmology. In the understanding of today's universe, it's not possible to...
Three young lads once rescued a famous politician from drowning. "I will give you anything you like," happily promised the grateful politician. "Thank you for saving my life!" The first lad said, "I'll take a bicycle." The second hero said, "I'll take a motor bike." The third perplexed rescuer said, "Sir, if it's all the same to you, I'd like a military funeral." "A military funeral! Why?" asked t...
The writer quoted in Isaiah 25 promises that an unlikely victory will occur. An unlikely victory had already occurred in his tradition when Goliath, the hero of the Philistine army confronted David, a young sheepherder. It didn't look like an even match. Goliath was a seasoned warrior, six cubits and a span tall, covered with a coat of mail and bronze helmet, and armed with a shaft with an iron sp...
A minister once received a bottle of apricot brandy from one of his parishioners under the condition that the minister thank the donor for his gift in the Sunday bulletin. On the following Sunday, the notice read: "The pastor thanks Mr. Jones for the apricots and the spirit in which they were given."
Some Bible readers look at the words from Acts 10, "While Peter was still speaking, the Holy Spir...
A group of American tourists once listened to a story told by their Jewish guide. The guide, Moshe, claimed that his story would explain why the commandments were published on two tablets of stone. Moses came down from the mountain with a tablet of stone listing some of the commandments. He first met a group of Kenites. "Do you want the commandments of God?" he asked. "What do they say?" asked the...
It was a mystery. Hezekiah, the twelfth king of Judah, the father of Manasseh, asked around about the mysterious bronze snake, named Nehushtan, on display in a corner of the temple. Encouraged by the prophet Micah, Hezekiah wanted to restore and strengthen the monotheistic religion of his forefathers. The veneration of such a "graven image" was inconsistent with the worship of the one God, the God...
The school bell rings. The noonday siren sounds. The church bells call the faithful to worship. In the fifties, the wail of the sirens urged American citizenry to take cover from a potential imminent atomic attack; children took position beneath their desks and those at home headed to the bomb shelter in the basement.
The book of the prophet Joel urges the trumpeter to sound the shofar, translate...
There's a story going around about a college student who stayed up all night preparing for his zoology test. He entered the classroom and saw ten stands each with a bird on it, each bird covered with a sack with only the legs showing. The professor instructed the students to use the legs to identify each bird by name, habitat, genus, and species. The perplexed student, sitting in the first row, wa...
The dark of the night began to turn to the gray of morning. In the clouded distance could be heard the cries of mothers and fathers discovering the lifeless forms of their firstborn sons. The elders rushed from one adobe structure to another. "Quick!" they whispered, "pack the unleavened dough! Finish the lamb! Grab what you can! Now is the moment! Follow Moses to the sea while the Egyptians are p...
The priest challenged the rabbi at lunch: "Rabbi Cohen, when are you going to eat a piece of this delicious ham?" The rabbi answered, "I'll make a deal with you, Father Laughlin. If you get married, I'll eat the ham at your wedding."
Deals. The owner of a house wants to sell it. She picks a realtor. In return for 6% commission, the realtor will find a buyer. The papers are signed. The deal is str...
A man, seriously ill in the hospital, requested a visit from his pastor. "Pastor," he said, "if you pray for me and I recover, I will give $25,000 to the building fund." The pastor prayed and the patient recovered completely. The pastor tactfully tried to remind his parishioner about the promise. Stonewalled, the minister put it on the line, "Jim, you promised to give $25,000 to the building fund ...
A church caught on fire. An elderly man came running to join the others who had come to throw water. After the fire was under control, the minister said to the old gent, "Why, John, this is the first time I've ever seen you at church!" John replied, "This is the first time I've ever seen this church on fire."
Many have reduced the number of visits to the neighborhood church. They are, perhaps, ti...
A man from Johnstown, Pennsylvania, died and went to heaven. Saint Peter was directing the activities and explained to him, "Each Friday we have a get-together for the new members. To break the ice, every new member must make a speech to all the others here, on any subject desired." The man from Johnstown said, "I think I'll talk on the Johnstown flood." Saint Peter replied, "I think it's all righ...
In the text from Acts 4, we get a glimpse of life in the Christian community after the resurrection event. The text offers some answers to the question of T. S. Eliot:
When the Stranger says: "What is the meaning of this city?
Do you huddle close together because you love each other?
What will you answer? "We all dwell together
To make money from each other"? or "This is a community"?1
What make...
Back in the '60s, a real "hip" kid attended the morning service of worship at an upper-class church. The pastor greeted him at the door. The groovy kid grabbed the minister's hand and said, "Dad, I really dug that sermon!" The staid pastor was taken by surprise and said, "Young man, I don't understand." The beatnik answered, "Dad, I really ‘went' for that sermon; it really came down the middle, ma...
A man had three small children, all three old enough to enjoy the activities of Halloween. A coworker at the office of the father volunteered to visit his home on trick or treat night and bring sweets for the kids. The father's colleague appeared at the door dressed up as "the little green man," with an ugly green face and long, knotted, twisted hands protruding from a long coat that effectively d...