Sermon and Worship Resources

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

Groucho Marx

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

Groucho Marx

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.

Groucho Marx

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

Groucho Marx

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

Groucho Marx

It looks as if Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

Groucho Marx

I've had a wonderful evening . . . but this wasn't it.

Groucho Marx

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

Groucho Marx

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Groucho Marx

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Groucho Marx

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Groucho Marx

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Showing 1 to 25 of 45 results

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Groucho Marx

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Groucho Marx

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

Groucho Marx

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

Groucho Marx

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Groucho Marx

Humor is reason gone mad.

Groucho Marx

I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

Groucho Marx

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

Groucho Marx

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

Groucho Marx

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.

Groucho Marx

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

Groucho Marx

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

Groucho Marx

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

Groucho Marx

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Groucho Marx

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

Groucho Marx

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.

Groucho Marx

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

Groucho Marx

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

Groucho Marx

It looks as if Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

Groucho Marx

I've had a wonderful evening . . . but this wasn't it.

Groucho Marx

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

Groucho Marx

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Groucho Marx

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Groucho Marx

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Groucho Marx

Showing results