One Sunday morning the pastor encouraged his congregation to consider the potential of the church. He told them, "With God's help we can see the day when this church will go from crawling to walking."
The people responded, "Let the church wal…
Dear Pastor Letters:
Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister. Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville
Dear Pastor, Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson. Sincerely, Pete. Age 9, Phoenix
Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something. Robert, Age 11, Anderson
Dear Pastor, I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermon about a raise in my allowance? Love, Patty. Age 10, Ne…
We are like the rich man who was so proud of his beautiful lawn. "I had these trees moved right her…
Dear Pastor, Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson. Sincerely, Pete.
Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every week he gives us a sermon about something. Robert.
Dear Pastor, I'm sorry I ca…
A Woman's Guide to Men's Christmas Gifts
Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.
Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK." By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.
Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.
Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men tie…
There is a story told of a well-known Christian businessman who was visiting a church and, as a matter of courtesy, was asked to bring a word of greeting. Unfortunately, he got rather carried away in the process and went on to tell the congregation about all the …
Two mothers met for coffee.
"To tell you the truth, my son George married a slob!" the other woman replied. "She doesn't get out of bed until 11, she's out all day spending his money on God knows…
I heard an amusing story about a group of Methodists who were holding a camp meeting. Some top flight preachers from across the country were coming in to share in this event. One of the main speakers was forced, at the very last minute, to cancel out. He was supposed to preach right after lunch that day and they had no speaker.
So the Bishop went to a young pastor with a lot of promise and said, "I want you to fill in and preach in that service after lunch."
The young pastor said, "Well, Bishop! How can I do that? I didn't bring any sermons with me. I came strictly…
Kids and Angels:
Here's a sampling of ads taken out by family and lovers:
CA: The Stockton Record. Bill: Roses are red, violets are blue, most men are slime, except for you. Tina
CONN.: New Haven Register. Dad: We love you (more allowance) simply for yourself. We (new toys) don't ask for anything (Disneyland) from you other than (Nintendo) your love and understanding. Love, Kerri & Evan.
FLA.: Florida Today. Roses are red, violets are blue, stop the OVERTIME, or I'll divorce you. Love, Marion.
LA.: News-Star-World (Monroe). Allen: Roses are red, carnations are pink, I love you ''…
A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store staff called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the private Catholic Hospita…
A certain preacher was preaching mightily about the need to trust the Lord. "The good Lord is going to take care of us," he said. As he lifted his arms, however, his coat parted and t…
A man was walking along a narrow path, not paying much attention to where he was going. Suddenly he slipped over the edge of a cliff. As he fell, he grabbed a branch growing from the side of…
Once when Mark Twain was lecturing in Utah, a Mormon acquaintance argued with him on the subject of poly…
It had been a hard winter in the Appalachian area. The snow had piled up deeper and deeper, the mercury dropped, rivers froze, people suffered. The Red Cross used helicopters to fly in supplies. One crew had been working day after day - long hours. The rescue team was tired and figured they'd camp and…
You Know You Are Old When:
One day, Mrs. Beemer looked out the kitchen window and saw her Doberman carrying in its mouth a rabbit. Mrs. Beemer froze in her tracks! Her next-door-neighbors had raised rabbits for many years. She was sure that her dog had killed one of their beloved bunnies. Mrs. Beemer had no idea how to apologize to her neighbors. They would never trust her again …
Once upon a time there was a family of wayward church members who had once been active, but had lost all interest and had fallen away. There were the father and three sons, Jim, John, Sam. The elders had talked to them about their lost condition, the preacher had visited them, and many of the brethren had tried to get them to come back to church but all this did not seem to do the least bit of good.
One day when the boys were out in the pasture, a large rattlesnake bit John and he became very ill. The physician was called and, after an examinati…
It was just a few days before Christmas, when two men decided to go sailing while their wives went Christmas shopping. While the men were sailing a storm came up-a mighty storm that tossed the boat back and forth across the wat…
Affection or Protection? Ray Helminiak said that with lousy spring weather, he switched from country lanes to shopping malls for his daily stroll. There the weather is always under control, and it's simply great for people watching.
"One day, I noticed a senior citizen couple strolling along, holding hands," Ray said. The next day, I saw the same couple, and this time they were not only holding hands, the man had a firm grip o…
The Maker of all human beings (GOD) is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units, code-named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been identified as "Subsequential Internal Non-morality," more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed. Some of the symptoms include:
