... him (see 1 Kings 18:46). Clearly Philip’s obedient response to and participation in all these divinely ordered directives puts him in a role akin to that of the prophet. Whatever the Spirit tells him to do, whatever the circumstances the Spirit drop him into, Philip continues with his witnessing mission. As surprising as is the Ethiopian eunuch’s presence on that desert road, it is even more astonishing what he is doing: reading a portion from Jewish scripture. In accordance with tradition the man is ...
... once took on a 747 out of Brazil. He was awakened from sleep by a voice announcing, “We have a very serious emergency.” Three engines had quit because of fuel contamination and the fourth was expected to go at any second. The plane began to drop and turn in the night, preparing for an emergency landing. At first the situation seemed unreal to Petersen, but when the steward barked, “Prepare for impact,” he found himself and everyone around him praying. As he buried his head in his lap and pulled up ...
2103. Unfair Grade
Humor Illustration
... hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have? Very large hands If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? No time at all, the wall is already built. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.
2104. Laws of Probability
Humor Illustration
Laws of Probability Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to go to the bathroom. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers. Variation Law - If you change ...
... Spirit. Their faith went almost overnight from being unhinged to being untinged and untroubled by doubt. In this newfound joy and confidence the disciples obediently stayed in Jerusalem, praying in the temple, offering blessings to God, and waiting for the other shoe to drop. Jesus had specifically told them to “stay there and wait” for the promised gift of the Spirit that was to come. Jesus told his disciples, “Don’t get into things” until his presence, in the form of the Holy Spirit, returned to ...
... moments of insight (“You are the Messiah!”), all of Jesus’ closest companions remained essentially clueless throughout his earthly ministry. They did not understand what his mission really was, or what his ministry meant. His personalized explanations, jaw-dropping revelations, and spellbinding “discourses” seemed to go in one ear and out the other. The astonishing miracles he performed were noted at best, envied at worst. Think about this: Even after Easter, even after witnessing firsthand the ...
... his “woundedness” almost got him killed. Concentrating on wounds we receive, the barbed critiques that poke, prod, snipe, and snarl at us, will turn us all into frantic, self-destructive, wound-lickers. Instead we need to hear our critics, deal with the criticism, and then drop all that “critical mass” off at the next trash receptacle. Don’t worry about letting it go — there will be more to come. Let it go and keep moving. Sometimes I feel like that poor mule that fill into a dead well that was ...
2108. Johnny Cornflakes Comes to Dinner
Mark 3:20-30
Illustration
King Duncan
... two square miles. Chelsea is a receptacle for all kinds of dropouts - prostitutes, pimps, drug addicts, all the people who have not "made it" and probably never will. Every new minister to Chelsea at that time soon became acquainted with one of these drop-outs, an alcoholic known to everyone as Johnny Cornflakes because he often rummaged through the trash, looking through the cereal boxes or whatever to find a bit of food. George's church sometimes gave Johnny Cornflakes food and clothes and tried to see ...
2109. The Bell Was Ringing
Mark 3:20-30
Illustration
Maxie Dunnam
... that he went back to hunting, but five minutes later he heard the bell. When he got back the second time, his wife explained that she had begun to worry whether she'd really be able to reach the bell. She was simply moving it closer, and in the process dropped it. Now he was really annoyed. He explained how much the safari was costing, how he had looked forward to bagging a trophy, and how he really didn't appreciate running back and forth to camp. He didn't want to hear that bell again unless she was in ...
2110. When A Clown Was Just Right
Mark 3:20-35
Illustration
William G. Carter
... churches on clowning. Not long ago, he was in a distant city, packing up after a workshop. The phone rang. Nobody was around. He answered. "Are you a minister?" somebody asked. "Yes, actually I am." "Come quickly," said the voice, "our child is dying of leukemia." Bill dropped everything. He ran out to his rental car and drove to the hospital. He parked the car, ran up the steps, through the double doors, and down the hall. Suddenly it hit him: he was still dressed as a clown, with a white face, red nose ...
... is simply “scattered,” an action that suggests an even more random and haphazard method of crop propagation than that described in 4:3. Once this seed is “scattered” the success or failure of the crop is apparently out of the hands of the one who dropped the seed. The focus is not on any human effort to tend the seed, but rather on the mysterious, unknowable power that causes the seed to “sprout and grow” (v.27). There is an almost sing-song quality to Jesus’ descriptions — first of the ...
... is simply “scattered,” an action that suggests an even more random and haphazard method of crop propagation than that described in 4:3. Once this seed is “scattered” the success or failure of the crop is apparently out of the hands of the one who dropped the seed. The focus is not on any human effort to tend the seed, but rather on the mysterious, unknowable power that causes the seed to “sprout and grow” (v.27). There is an almost sing-song quality to Jesus’ descriptions — first of the ...
2113. PUNography
Humor Illustration
Johnny Dean
... hit me! Broken pencils are pointless. I tried to catch some fog. I mist. What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx. All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough. Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes. Velcro - what a rip ...
2114. No Charge For Love
Illustration
Johnny Dean
... looked down into the eyes of a little boy. "Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies." "Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, "These puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money." The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer. "I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?" "Sure," said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle ...
2115. All That Is Required
Mark 5:21-43
Illustration
Sarah Jackson Shelton
... will go up to bed. She asks, "Are you coming soon?" He replies with, "In a minute." But as she heads toward the stairs, she hears him switch the channel to a late show and she knows that it will be another hour or so of watching, and she will drop off to sleep alone again. As she climbs the stairs in the dark, she does a silly thing that she did as a child when she was afraid. She counts the number of steps. And, then, not really wanting to and wishing that she had not, she asks herself: Did ...
... This man named Mark, sometimes takes off his hooks and is still able to function using only his wrists. One day Tim accompanied Mark to the grocery store. Mark didn’t have his hooks on. Nevertheless he used both wrists to pick up items and drop them into his grocery shopping cart. As he was picking up some cereal, two boys about six or seven years of age watched in disbelief. And then they asked the inevitable question, “Mr. what happened to your hands?” In mock surprise, Mark replied, “My goodness ...
2117. Life Can Be Dangerous
Ephesians 5:15-20
Illustration
Billy D. Strayhorn
... shower." On a hair dryer. "Warning: May contain small parts." On a frisbee. "Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." On a birthday card for a 1 year old. "For use by trained personnel only." On a can of air freshener. "Fragile. Do not drop." Posted on a Boeing 757. "Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." On a portable stroller. "May be harmful if swallowed." On a shipment of hammers. Are we all related Wile E. Coyote? Are we all dumber than a bowl of pudding? Apparently the Warning ...
... understanding look and a smile to a frazzled mom with a very tired child in a shopping cart, instead of flashing a disapproving scowl. "Been there; done that." You remember having raised your own children. Other things we can do as an Advent witness to others: dropping more than a dollar into the Salvation Army bucket, buying mittens for the Mitten Tree, making a special meal for a widower, caroling at a nursing home ... or even baking cookies for your pastor! I had to add a little humor to the list ...
... saw that Lamb return as a conquering king, bringing judgment on those refusing to acknowledge him as Lord and Savior. In the last chapter of the Bible, in the book of Revelation, we find the battle lines drawn. We engage in a round of applause as the curtain drops. But we know there will be a curtain call. The stage is set. Are you ready to call out, "Come, Lord Jesus, come!" There will be signs in the sun, the moon, and the stars, and on earth distress among nations confused by the roaring of the sea and ...
... time. Everything was set except for one thing — lighting the candles. She had to hurry before her husband saw the flickering lights. She was almost done when the doorbell rang. Quickly she struck the wooden match, but the tip broke off and dropped “somewhere.” Frantically searching, she found nothing, so she successfully lit another. Calming herself, she smiled as she went to welcome the first visitor. “Merry Christmas, Gerry! What can I get you to drink? Hot apple cider, holiday punch, soda, or ...
... proclaim the year of the Lord's favor. - Luke 4:18-19 Wrapping the scroll up, he handed it to the attendant and said: "Today this scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing" (Luke 4:21). His audience looked at him intently, amazed by his words. Then he dropped a bombshell, telling them that God loved all people, Gentiles and Jews. Infuriated, they turned on him. The son of Joseph dared tell them that God's love was for all people. "How dare he? He's one of us. We are God's people, the chosen ones." They ...
... his disciples was only a start. They were probably still reeling from that. But they were about to be confronted by the ultimate act of love — the cross. That's the simple plan. That's the secret we've stumbled on. That's the message that has been decoded and dropped into our lap. We are to love one another as Jesus as loved us. That's how they'll know we belong to Jesus, "if you have love for one another." I wish this was more difficult. I wish it was harder because we'd have an excuse. I wish ...
... they'd grown up in, much less ever taken in a ride in a plane. But the volunteers who reported for duty took the work seriously. They considered it a matter of honor to never turn down an assignment. When interviewed they described harrowing adventures, dropping between tall trees in the midst of raging forest fires, ready to combat them with shovel, axe, and grit. No one ever refused to make a jump. Their service to their country proved to be essential. Yet for many years after the war these peacemakers ...
... pick up your paycheck on the way out today." Startled, the young man replied, "I thought you paid on Friday." "Normally we do," said the foreman. "But we're letting you go today because you've fallen behind. Our daily felling charts show that you've dropped from first place on Monday to last place today." "But I'm a hard worker," the young man objected. "I arrive first, leave last, and even have worked through my coffee breaks!" The foreman, sensing the young man's integrity, thought for a minute and then ...
... best friends in Tyler, Texas. They had stopped into the 19th Hole, the men’s grill at Willowbrook Country Club, for some refreshments. The room was full of people telling lies about their great round of golf of spectacular shots made and of long putts that had dropped into the cup. Into that room entered a man whom Galloway calls Hugh. Galloway says that Hugh was from central casting as to what a Texas oil man might look like red-faced, large, and loud. Hugh always wanted you to know he was in the house ...