Permit me to do a little prying. It's for your own benefit. How many of you have made a will? You don't have to raise your hands, but it could be an important question for many of us. Many family squabbles have erupted over the lack of a wellthought out will. There is a book titled THE 400WORD WILL. It contains some interesting wills from Japan. Listen to a few of these. I quote: "After you finish a simple funeral," wrote Mitsuyo Honda, 43, housewife, "I would like you to grab a handful of ashes and get on ...
Have you ever been afraid to drive over a high bridge? If so, you're not alone. In fact, some people are so afraid of bridges that they will drive hours out of their way to avoid them. Others try to cross but have a panic attack in the middle of a bridge and can't go on. They block traffic. Because of this, the operators of some of the longest and highest spans in America now offer a driving service. On request, one of the bridge attendants will get behind the wheel and drive your car over the terrifying ...
Florence Littauer was speaking at a Church Growth Conference in Atlanta, Georgia. Florence was winning the crowd with her great sense of humor and anecdotes of everyday life. She told one delightful story about a speaking engagement during which she was focusing on the sinfulness of humankind and the need for God's grace. Spontaneously, Florence asked, "Does anyone here know what grace means?" A 7yearold girl on the front row, all decked out in a white dress, stood up and raised her hand. "I know, Miss ...
A farmer who lived on the Great Plains had never traveled to a city of any size, but one day a church choir trip allowed him to do just that. When he got home, his wife asked him what he saw and what he learned. He told her all about it, including the fact that their group had attended church on Sunday in a large congregation which has a really big choir. "They sang an anthem," he told her. "What is an anthem?" she asked. "Well," he replied, "you know we sing hymns here at home. If I were to say to you, ' ...
Philip and Joan Gulley are no different from most of us. Before they had children, they thought they knew exactly how they would handle every situation. They imagined sharing pearls of timeless parental wisdom with their children and guiding them gently along life's paths. But it didn't turn out like that. Philip remembers one Christmas when the Gulley's toddler son, Spencer, became fascinated with the family Nativity set. One day, he dipped one of the figurines in ketchup and proceeded to lick it off. ...
"I think that I shall never see," wrote Joyce Kilmer, "a poem as lovely as a tree." Trees are lovely and, like people, they come in so many varieties. Some, like the giant sequoias in California, are large enough to drive a car through. Others, like the slender, ungainly dogwood, remind us of the cross of Christ. Easterners see a palm tree and they think of Florida or the coastal areas of the Carolinas or Georgia. In the springtime tourists flock to Washington, D. C. to enjoy trees filled with cherry ...
Life has a way sometimes of slipping up behind and slapping us in the head. Sometimes it is a gentle slap. Other times it is not. A man was driving down the road. He passed a traffic camera and saw it flash. Astounded that he had been caught speeding when he was doing the speed limit, the man turned around and, going even slower, passed the camera again. It flashed once more. He couldn't believe it! He turned, going a snail's pace, and passed the camera one more time. Again, he saw the camera flash. He ...
A farmer from Bulgaria, Mihail Janko, is convinced that his goat has a very special talent: it can discern a person's character. Janko claims that he can put pictures of people in front of the goat and the goat will show, by his behavior, whether the person in the picture is of good or bad character. Evidently, the goat head-butts pictures of “unpleasant people," but eats the pictures of pleasant people. Janko has even relied on the goat's special talent to help him choose boyfriends for his four daughters ...
Back in 1985, William R. Greer performed an in-depth chemical analysis of the human body and its mineral properties. His conclusions were published in the International Herald Tribune and The New York Times. Greer claimed that the average human body contained 5 pounds of calcium, 9 ounces of potassium, 1 and 1/2 pounds of phosphorus, 6 ounces of sodium, 6 ounces of sulfur, 1 ounce of magnesium, and trace amounts of iron, iodine, and copper. According to a professor at the Illinois Medical School, the total ...
Comedians have a field day with the subject of marriage. The jokes probably number in the thousands. Rita Rudner used this classic: “My mother buried three husbands.” Then she adds, “And two of them were just napping.” One woman said to a friend: “I’m in trouble. I broke my husband’s favorite golf club.” “What did he say?” her friend asked. The first woman smiled and replied, “He said, ‘What hit me?’” Erma Bombeck had this to say: “People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a ...
Announcing itself with shrieking, 130-mph winds, Hurricane Harvey slammed into the Gulf Coast, dumping more than 40 inches of rain over a four-day period, submerging entire neighborhoods up to their roofs. In the days before expected landfall, the Governor or Texas warned that the monster system would be “a very major disaster,” and the forecasts drew fearful comparisons to Hurricane Katrina, one of the deadliest ever to strike the United States. In the aftermath, Harvey is being called a disaster of ...
A family had sold everything possible to pay bills and to put food on the table. Nevertheless, a burglar broke in one night when the family was gone. The family returned and found the door knocked off its hinges. "What did the burglar get?" the police officer asked. The head of the house just shook his head. "Practice," he said. It's not easy being poor. What did Jesus mean, "Blessed are the poor?" Jesus was a master at keeping his listeners off-balance. He always said the unexpected. He praised people ...
Have you ever thought how you would handle it if you were held captive? There have been endless television shows and movies about hostage situations. Have you ever thought how you would handle it if you were taken captive? Would you be the tough guy resisting your captors each step of the way? Would you be the hero looking for the opportunity to sneak up behind one of the bad guys and take his gun? Would you look for a forgotten passageway where you could escape? History is full of exciting stories of ...
Actor Kevin Bacon had a conversation with his six-year-old son after the boy had seen the movie Footloose for the first time. Bacon's son said, "Dad, that was really cool how you jumped up on the roof and swung from the rafters. How did you do that?" "Well, son," said Bacon, "I didn't actually do that part. A stunt man did." "What's a stunt man?" asked his son. "That's someone who dresses like me," said Bacon, "and does things I can't do. Things that are too dangerous." "Oh, well, what about that part in ...
A banker called in a certain man to talk to him about his account. "Your financial affairs are in a mess," he said to the poor man. "Your wife constantly overdraws your account. She is behind in her charge accounts at the department store, and her check stubs are all added wrong. Why don't you talk to her about it?" "Because," said the man, "I would rather argue with you than with her." There's a man whose marriage is badly out of balance. Balance. We are all trying to find it, aren't we? Balance between ...
(Communion) Notes: For effect, I had many bread machines throughout the sanctuary and as the worship concluded, the hot fresh bread was ready. It was true. I smelled bread. Rev. Mebane Pridgen McMahon How many of you remember the popular sitcom of the 1970s called MASH? If you do, then you recall that it was about a group of doctors and nurses trying to make sense of their assignment to the 4077 Mash unit during the Korean War. In one particular episode, Major Winchester, who often protects himself from ...
There was an article in the newspapers sometime back about a British husband who walked out on a 38-year marriage because he could not stand his wife obsessively moving the furniture. John Turner filed for divorce, complaining he was sick and tired of his wife Pauline shifting chairs, tables, the television--and anything not fixed to the walls--every single day of their married life. "Moving furniture about was just something I did and I always will do," Pauline says. "I suppose everybody has their little ...
Bernard Kerik is a former New York City police commissioner. Kerik always kept a low profile in his job. He was not a man who sought publicity. And then came the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. Suddenly, Kerik's face was all over the national and international news. He organized and led the highly-praised police response following the attacks. In his autobiography, Bernard Kerik talks about the rocky road that led him into police work. He dropped out of high school, then entered his chosen ...
A woman had quit work to stay home and take care of her new baby daughter. Countless hours of peekaboo and other games slowly took their toll. One evening she smacked her bare toes on the corner of a dresser and, grabbing her foot, sank to the floor. Her husband rushed to her side and asked where it hurt. She looked at her husband through her tear-filled eyes and managed to moan, "It's the piggy that ate the roast beef." (1) Another harried mother had three very active boys. One summer evening she was ...
Have you ever been frustrated because you were trying to talk to someone who simply was not listening? Would you wives hold up your hand? Television news host Hugh Downs once told how frustrating it was to him to see journalists conducting interviews without really listening to the person they were interviewing. He called those types of conversations the "yeah-well interview." As an example of a "yeah-well interview," Downs recalled an interview he heard between a journalist and a former prisoner in the ...
Is there anyone in this room who doesn't enjoy looking good? We all do--whether we admit it or not. And when we feel like we don't look good, it affects how we feel about ourselves. There was a study done by researchers at Yale University sometime back on what are often called "bad hair days." This study found that on those days when our hair just won't cooperate, we feel less smart, less capable, more embarrassed and less sociable. What was surprising to the researchers was that men, not women, were most ...
It is said that film maker Walt Disney was a ruthless film editor. He would cut any scene from a movie that interfered in any way with the flow of the story. No matter how beautiful, or funny, or brilliant a scene was, if it didn't fit, it was discarded. Ward Kimball, one of the animators for Snow White, worked nearly eight months on a 4-1/2 minute sequence in which the dwarves made soup for Snow White. It was a humorous scene in which the dwarves wreaked havoc in the kitchen as they tried to make soup. ...
Not everything in life can be accepted at face value. Sometimes we are fooled. For example, one of the best-known sites in New York City is named Trump Tower. Trump Tower is named, of course, after successful realtor and self-promoter extra ordinaire, Donald Trump. Located in mid-Manhattan this spectacular building is 68 stories tall, according to most reference sources. At least that's what the books say. And, in fact, there is a button for the 68th floor in the elevator. Pushing that button takes you to ...
Some time ago the leader of a men's group was discussing how weird people are in elevators. You know what he was talking about. You get on a crowded elevator and it's as quiet as a tomb. Thirty floors later you realize not a word has been spoken the entire journey, and everyone is facing the same way. Heaven help anyone who does not conform to this cultural norm. Well, not everyone does conform. Sociologist/preacher Tony Campolo got on an elevator one time. He realized everyone was standing like statues ...
In Operation Desert Storm a few years ago, for camouflage purposes, a division of soldiers had to repaint their Humvees to the color of the surrounding sand. The result was that the Humvees suddenly acquired a distinctly pinkish cast. As you can imagine, this became quite a source of humor for the soldiers. Someone even made a bumper sticker for one of these Humvees. It read, "Ask me about Mary Kay." Human beings are so creative. Particularly when it comes to humor. We can see evidences of that creativity ...