A teacher observed a boy entering her classroom with dirty hands. She stopped him and said, “Johnny, please wash your hands. My goodness, what would you say if I came into the room with hands like that?” With a smile the boy replied, “I think I’d be too polite to mention it.” A pastor says his son’s Sunday School teacher approached him after church and said, “Let me tell you what your son said in Sunday School today (a phrase sure to strike fear in the heart of every pastor). She had been teaching about ...
One of the most fun trips I have ever taken in my life was years ago when my wife and three sons went out west to Colorado, and spent a week in a part of the country we had never been in before. We did everything from horseback riding to white water rafting, to just exploring the great outdoors. But one of the highlights for me, strangely enough, was driving up to a top of one of the Rocky Mountains and standing on what is called by some, "The Continental Divide," and others "The Great Divide." Geologists ...
If you haven't yet seen the trilogy of movies called, The Lord Of The Rings you really need to see it. It is not only clean, but it is extremely thought provoking. The author of the work upon which those movies are based was a man named J. R. R. Tolkien. A little known fact about Tolkien is he was the man that was instrumental in bringing C.S. Lewis to faith in Jesus Christ. He spent much of his early life as an agnostic and then an atheist, but through a meeting one night with Tolkien, he became a ...
Do you remember the old folk tune that went something like this? (sing or recite) The bear went over the mountain. The bear went over the mountain. The bear went over the mountain — To see what he could see. And all that he could see, and all that he could see, Was the other side of the mountain, the other side of the mountain The other side of the mountain was all that he could see! Maybe the only thing you can see from a high place is the other side of that high place, but still, the view can be worth it ...
After some last-minute Christmas shopping with her grandchildren, Grandma was rushing the kids into the car when four-year-old Jason said, "Grandma, Susie has something in her pocket." He reached in and pulled out a new red barrette. Though she was tired, Grandma knew it was important for Susie to take the barrette back to the store, tell manager what she'd done, apologize and then put the item back where she had found it. So, they did just that. Later, they stopped for a few quick groceries and at the ...
The older I get the more I realize that memory is tricky. I can remember the address and phone number of the house I lived in when I was 5 (2470 Highway 66, Zone 2, St. Louis, MO. Harrison 8;7378) but I can't remember which of my kids or Grandkids I'm talking to. I seem to start at the oldest child and work my way down, including the names of all the pets we've ever had, too. But it's nice to know I'm not the only one with this affliction. A number of years ago, the church I was serving received a memorial ...
An elderly man in Florida calls his son in New York one November day. The father says to the son, "I hate to tell you, but we've got troubles here at home. Your mother and I can't stand each other anymore, and we're getting a divorce. I've had it! I want to live out the rest of my years in peace. I'm telling you now, so you and your sister won't go into shock later when I move out." He hangs up, and the son immediately calls his sister in the Hamptons and tells her the news. The sister says, "I'll handle ...
A few years back, I read about a group of three burglars in Vang, Norway, who tried to open a large safe in a small factory. They attached a small explosive device to the door of the safe and then hid in the next room until it went off. The explosion was so powerful that it demolished the whole building and left them buried under a pile of rubble. The ironic thing about was, the safe had never held any money. The company money was kept in a cash box in an unlocked desk drawer. But what they did keep in the ...
Who is our newest parent here this morning? . . . How old is your baby? May I hold him/her? Let’s bow our heads and offer a prayer of blessing for this child . . . This little baby is embarking on a journey. And it’s an awesome journey to be a part of. All new parents here - is there anything as exciting as watching your baby go from a snuggly little lump you cradle in your arms to a roller, then a crawler, then a “cruiser,” and finally a walker? Babies seem absolutely driven to get on their feet. No ...
Did any of you hear or see this story back in November. It originally appeared in the Columbus, Ohio paper and was reported in both the newspaper and on ABC 13 News. Here's the headline: Teen locked out of house ends up stuck in chimney An Ohio teenager who locked himself out of the house tried to make like Santa Claus and shimmy down the chimney. It didn't work. Firefighters in Columbus say the 15-year-old was small enough to get most of the way down the chimney, which was about a foot wide. But the flue ...
When your child is playing a musical instrument that is “rented” from the school, instead “owned” by you, there is a big decision to make at the end of the school year. Do you pay rental fees for the summer break? Or do you turn the instrument in? Paying rental fees for the summer means that the instrument will be practiced on hot summer days and during beautiful sunsets. Turning the instrument in means that summer is for swimming, sleep-away camps, family vacations, flexible schedules and peace and quiet ...
Those of you who are gardeners are familiar with Murphy’s First Law of Gardening: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. And, of course, there is a corollary to that law: To distinguish flowers from weeds, simply pull up everything. What grows back is weeds. Last week we dealt with the parable of the sower and we learned that different kinds of soil produce differing levels of ...
This is a fun story, one of many in scripture that is good for giggles if we allow ourselves that reverent freedom when we encounter them. Engaging characters, international intrigue, and finally a denouement that is just pure fun. It is one more affirmation that our God is not only magnificent and mysterious but occasionally mischievous, as well. The cast. Naaman. His name means charm or pleasantness. Apparently, a relatively nice fellow as standards of his day would define nice. A powerful personage, too ...
Karen Fair tells about her three-year-old daughter, Abby, who was having trouble sleeping through the night. She kept waking up because she was afraid. Each time Karen tucked her into bed again, she would remind her that Jesus was with her and that He would keep her safe. The sleepless nights continued, with Abby seeking comfort in her parents’ bedroom. Finally, one night Karen asked her daughter if she had prayed for Jesus to take her fear away and help her fall asleep. “Oh yes,” Abby assured her. “He ...
In the old Soviet Union it was common for people who had fallen out of favor with the communist regime to also fall out of photographs. Long before digital photography made it easy to change our memories, a little air brushing could remove an inconvenient commissar who had been purged since the last worker's holiday. Indeed, Soviet watchers would study every photograph published in newspapers and journals to determine the rise and fall of cold warriors. The Soviet Union didn't have the corner on the ...
I used to wish I were tall. All the other children were bigger. They were stronger ... faster. I was a shrimp ... and it used to bother me. I used to lie in my bed at night wishing that I was the biggest kid in town. Then nobody would push me around. None of the other children could beat me up. None of them could ever call Zacchaeus names (at least not if they wanted to keep their teeth in). None of them would ever give me any trouble again. Yeah, I wanted to be tall, but.... As time went along, of course ...
Never leave dry dog food or cat food outside overnight. If you do, chances are that sooner or later something other than your furry family member will amble up to help themselves. One of the most startling creatures to belly-up to the kibble buffet is the opossum. ‘Possums aren’t particularly dangerous to humans (unless they are rabid). But they have mastered the art of looking scary. Flick on the porch light and catch a possum snout down in the dog’s bowl and you will be rewarded with glowing red eyes, ...
Dr. Randy L. Hyde tells about a wealthy family from Massachusetts who used to take a month’s vacation every summer to the coast of Maine, taking their maid with them. The maid had an annual ritual at the beach. She wore an old-fashioned bathing suit, complete with a little white hat, and carried enough paraphernalia to stock Wal-Mart. She would settle herself on the beach, cover every inch of her exposed flesh and journey down to the water’s edge. There she would hesitate while taking deep breaths. Slowly ...
Dr. Peter Barnes tells about a radio preacher that he listened to while he was in college named the Rev. Apostle J.R. Chambers, Jr. Quite surprisingly for a radio preacher, Chambers had a decided speech impediment. Each week he recited the verse from the Bible on which his entire ministry was based. It was Matthew 5:48, “You must be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect.” Because of his impediment each week the verse came out like this: “Yyyyou must . . . You mmmmust be . . . You must bbbe . . . You ...
The Reverend Richard L. Pearson at one time served the Crescent Park United Methodist Church in Sioux City, Iowa. For several years that church had a living nativity scene. On one particular night it was Pastor Dick’s job, along with a man who had a pick‑up truck, to get a pregnant ewe, which was bedded down in the parsonage garage, to the church. They went to get her about a half hour before performance time. Due to her delicate condition they carefully lifted her into the bed of the truck, and Dick rode ...
The season of Advent is a “waiting game.” Everyone is “waiting” for something. *Students anxiously wait for finals to be over and the start of Christmas break. *Some employees have the big wait, as they hold their breath and learn whether or not there will be a Christmas bonus. *Retailers count the days til they can count the bottom line from the season’s buying frenzy. *Kids of all ages can’t wait to open up the brightly wrapped presents starting to appear under the tree. Everyone is waiting . . . for the ...
How do you react when you anticipate that something negative is going to happen to you? Do you get nervous, do your palms get sweaty, do you have trouble falling asleep, lose your appetite, perhaps? Do you feel like your whole world is turned inside out? Well, I guess it depends on how negative the event is that you are anticipating. One young woman in the South tells about her teen years. She had a very strict Dad who was very loving, but did not mind disciplining his children with corporal punishment. ...
Bradford Robinson tells about a minister in Texas who used a very creative visual aid to start his message. He brought on to the stage a beautiful Golden Irish Setter that belonged to his youth minister. The youth minister loved this dog so much that when the dog had been sick and had to be in the vet kennel overnight, he stayed all night with him. Needless to say this dog also loved his master. The senior minister brought the dog on to the stage and he rolled a ball across the platform and said, “Fetch, ...
If any of you are Will Ferrell fans, you may be familiar with the 2006 film, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. Ferrell plays the role of Ricky Bobby, a dimwitted daredevil who is also the most successful driver on the NASCAR circuit. In typical Will Farrell fashion, Ricky Bobby is morally and ethically bankrupt. The only things that matter to Ricky Bobby are winning races and self-indulgence. But Ricky Bobby is religious, after a fashion. He even prays when it suits his desires. In one scene he ...
I have a friend in Chicago, Illinois, that pastors one of the largest churches in America. His name is James MacDonald. He is a great preacher and has built an incredible church. I had the privilege of hosting him a couple of years ago in my home and took him to play some golf (which we both love). We were talking about church as pastors always do and I asked him to tell me some things he had learned that had helped him build the church he started at a very small size into the gigantic work for God it is ...