English mystery writer Dorothy Sayers was also a lay theologian in the Church of England. In one of her books she discussed the difficulty a missionary to the Orient had in trying to explain the Trinity. As you know, one of the symbols for the Holy Spirit is a descending dove. The Oriental gentleman, lost in the maze of theology, said: "Honorable Father I understand. Honorable Son I understand. Honorable bird I don't understand at all!" He is not alone! George Bernard Shaw once said that all professions ...
Some people like stories about winners. It gives them something to aspire to. Some of us prefer stories about losers. Losers help us feel better about our own lives. Like Mrs. Dora Wilson, an English housewife. On February 18, 1981, Mrs. Wilson looked out her window in Harlow, Essex, and saw a group of men loading her neighbors' priceless collection of Persian carpets into a moving van. "What are you doing?" she called, knowing her neighbors were on vacation. "We're taking them to be cleaned, madam," the ...
Ron Lee Davis in his book, Mistreated, tells about a millionaire who owned a lot in an exclusive residential area of a large city. This lot presented an unusual problem. It was only a couple yards wide by nearly a hundred feet long. There was nothing he could do with such an oddly proportioned piece of real estate but sell it to one of the neighbors on either side. He went first to the neighbor on the east side of his lot, and asked if he was interested in buying it. The neighbor said, "Well, only as a ...
This morning I want to talk about God and the IRS. I know that it is a long time until April 15 and I don't want to spread a lot of gloom this morning. Someone has noted,however, that besides being income tax day, April 15 is also the day the Titanic sunk and the day that Lincon was shot. Someone else has said, "You may not agree with every department of the government, but you really have to hand it to the IRS." Another cynic has said, "Death and taxes may always be with us, but at least death doesn't get ...
A most unusual protest took place this past fall in a convent in New Jersey. Four nuns locked themselves in a tiny second floor infirmary and have taken a vow of "near silence." They are protesting new rules established by their new prioress, Mother Theresa Hewitt. It seems that Mother Theresa has introduced television, secular videos, recorded music, bright lights, and (horror of horrors) daily "sweets" into the convent. The sweets consist of a tin of candy which is passed around each day and each nun is ...
There is a silly story about a man who went to his doctor complaining about terrible neck pains, throbbing headaches and recurring dizzy spells. The doctor examined him and said, "I’m afraid I have some bad news for you. You have only six months to live." The doomed man decided he would spend his remaining time on earth enjoying himself. He quit his job, bought a sports car, and a closet full of new suits and shoes. Then he went to get himself a dozen tailored shirts. He went to the finest shirt shop he ...
We Americans are suckers for the underdog. We ought to appreciate the story of Samuel Logan Brengle. Brengle gave up an opportunity to pastor one of the largest churches in Mid-America in order to join the ranks of the Salvation Army when that organization was just getting established in the United States. One of his early assignments was in Danbury, Connecticut, where Brengle’s entire congregation often numbered less than a dozen people. Determined to reach Danbury with the Gospel, each evening Brengle ...
The world is getting scarier all the time. You never know what perfectly terrifying thing will happen next, even in a small town. A newspaper column years ago by Lydel Sims tells the fearful experience of Mrs. Wilma Sullivan, a widow who lives alone in Portageville, Missouri. "You just won't believe what happened to her the other night when she was sleeping in her quiet house on a quiet street among quiet and friendly neighbors. She had gone to bed about 11:30...Not that she had worried unduly about her ...
Charles Kuralt travels across the United States learning about people. Recently he visited the mountains of North Carolina. Kuralt claims that mountain people know a lot of things the rest of us have forgotten. For example, at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve the mountain people he visited open their windows. That's to let bad luck out and good luck in. On New Year's Day they eat black-eyed peas for dinner. That's also for good luck. Don't worry if you forgot. Simply look for a red-haired girl ...
Sue Monk Kidd was pregnant with her second child. Her three-year-old son, Bob, was afraid of the dark. Sue tried everything. She tried leaving a light on in the hall and a night-light on in Bob's room. Nothing she did helped; he was still scared of the dark and would cry out in the middle of the night. One night as she held him against her to comfort him, he touched her round abdomen. Little Bob asked, "Mama, is it dark inside there where my little brother is?" He was convinced that his yet unborn sister ...
It was a once in a lifetime vacation trip for Robert Daley. He and his wife were driving through parts of Europe. While in France they stopped in the village of Colombey. The little town of about 350 people has gray stone homes lining the street with a gray stone church in the center. The town itself is indistinguishable from many other French villages. Something in the village caught the Daley's attention that day, however. They noticed the church cemetery was filled with people. It was so crowded that ...
There are many legends in many cultures concerning how certain flowers came into existence. Germany has a legend which tells about the origin of the primrose. Apparently Saint Peter once heard a rumor that some wayward souls were trying to slip into the back door of heaven rather than entering through the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter got so upset by this that he dropped his keys; whereupon they fell to earth and grew into primroses. Then there is a Persian legend about the origin of tulips. A young man named ...
Billy had always been quite a character. He had been the class clown, and he always had a joke to tell. One time years ago when stores still gave out Green Stamps, Billy was talking to one of his friends, who was an active member of his church. "Can you tell me what I should do with my green stamps?" Billy asked. "Green stamps?" his friend said. "Yeah," said Billy, "the preacher said the church passed out redemption. I figured that since it was a redemption center I would redeem my green stamps." But it ...
There is an old story of a man sitting on a dock with a fishing pole and his line in the water. A passerby inquires, "Fishing?" The man on the dock replies, "Nope, just drowning worms." Writer Robert Fulghum admits that he's no fisherman, although he says he does sometimes enjoy it. Well, one summer day he, a friend of his, his nephew, and his friend's son decided to go fishing. His friend said that he knew a certain lake nearby that was absolutely teeming with fish, and they'd be sure to catch something ...
For the women in the congregation, I am not even going to attempt to justify St. Paul's words: "Wives, obey your husband..." except to say this: There are some parts of the Scripture that are applicable at all times in all places. There are others that were appropriate to a specific place and a specific time, but now have been superseded by the Holy Spirit. If that were not so, we would all still be eating kosher ” following the dietary laws of the Hebrew scriptures. Within the culture that St. Paul lived ...
Actor Rex Harrison and his former wife Elizabeth were dining with a few friends at the "21" Club. While they were preparing to order, as happens so often with actors, a handsome young man got up from a nearby table and came over to meet them. He said, "We just got in on the last flight. You've given me so much pleasure through the years, Mr. Harrison, I just had to come over to thank you." Harrison nodded his head graciously and returned his attention to the wine list as soon as the young man had left ...
1. What Do Daddies Do? Six-year-old Calvin is talking to his stuffed Tiger Hobbes: Calvin: Here's a box of crayons. I need some illustrations for a story I'm writing. You can draw something besides tigers, can't you? Hobbes: Sure, Leopards, pumas, ocelots....you name it. (Time passes and we find Calvin in bed with his stuffed tiger, ready to be tucked in by his father.) Calvin: Here Dad, read this story tonight. I wrote it and Hobbes illustrated it. Dad:...Um. OK. (He reads aloud.) "The Dad Who Lived to ...
Humorist Lewis Grizzard writes about a man in his hometown named Luther Gilroy. Luther claimed he was out plowing his field and saw a sign in the sky that said THE END IS NEAR. So Luther let his mule and his cow out of their pens, gave all his chickens away, and climbed on top of his house to await the end. When it didn't come, he pouted and refused to come down off the roof. Finally, his wife called the deputy sheriff, who came over and said, "Luther, you idiot, I saw that same sign. It didn't say, `The ...
Several years ago Frank Court told the story of a student at Iowa State University who took to selling magazine subscriptions for additional income. He determined that a likely customer might be the president of the University. The student was greeted at the door by the president's wife who was able to resist his sales pitch by saying that her husband already received more magazines than he could read. The student assured her that he understood and turned to leave. It was then the president's wife saw ...
From our scripture lesson this morning, we find that facing a Giant task is not a new experience in human history, nor in the life of the people of God. In our passage from I Samuel, we see an incident that would put a challenge into any person. Here are two armies in their camps, each occupying a side of the mountain, with a valley in between them. Out of the camp of the Philistines comes the giant, Goliath, the champion of the group, with an interesting proposal to save bloodshed. It would be well for ...
It was a simple statement but still it hurt. "SEE, this man eats with sinners and tax collectors." They hurt because I was one of those tax-collectors. Tax collectors are never popular. "Adopt a flat tax," said Steve Forbes in the primary campaigns, "and dismantle the Internal Revenue Service." "I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States," said Arthur Godfrey. "The only thing is ” I could be just as proud for half the money." "President Clinton says he looks forward to the day a citizen can call the ...
The Little League coach looked down at his eager second baseman with desperation in his eye. "Bobby," he said, "You know the principles of good sportsmanship that the Little League practices. You know we don't tolerate temper tantrums, shouting at the umpire, or abusive language. Do I make myself clear?" "Yes, sir," replied the Little Leaguer. "Well, then," said the coach, "would you please explain that to your mother?" Some of you baseball fans are looking forward with anticipation to the coming season. A ...
Did you read about that Arab sheik out in California who has a limousine that is 66 ½ feet long? True story. It's a white Lincoln Town Car that can carry 36 passengers. It's in two pieces with a hitch in the middle like a tractortrailer so it can bend around corners. It has five axles. A normal Town Car is 18 feet long; most city buses are only 40 feet but this baby is 66 ½ feet long. It has two fax machines, cellular telephones, TV sets, love seats and a microwave. It's going to get a satellite ...
Object: a palm branch, or a picture of palm tree Good morning, boys and girls. Do you remember how on Palm Sunday you come walking into the sanctuary waving palm branches? That's pretty neat, isn't it? Well, this morning I wanted to tell you a little about palm trees. Palm trees grow best in really hot places. Most trees have branches all along their trunk, but palm trees only have branches at the very top of the tree. The top of a palm tree is called its crown. But there's something else about palm trees ...
Sometimes you just can't win. A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city's major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place. "Yes?" he said. "Excuse me, sir," the jogger ...