Pat Kelly, a major league outfielder in the '70s, was a born-again Christian. One day Pat said to his manager, Earl Weaver, "Aren't you glad I walk with the Lord, Earl?" Weaver replied, "I'd rather you walked with the bases loaded." When one football coach was asked about his offensive team's execution he replied, "I'm all for it." Sports are popular because they are a metaphor for our life experience. You win some, you lose some. Sometimes you feel like the champion of the world. Sometimes you just feel ...
What is it that makes a person free? That's certainly an appropriate question for this Fourth of July weekend. What makes us free? By the way, do you know what famous event we will really be commemorating this week? Not sure? A little rusty on your sixth-grade civics? Well you're in good company. According to Chuck Colson, a recent Gallup poll reveals that one out of every four Americans doesn't know that July Fourth commemorates the signing of the Declaration of Independence. Even more amazing, the same ...
Recently I heard about a Scotchman who was admitted to Oxford University. He moved into a dormitory. His clan was excited that one of their own made it into such an exclusive school. His mother worried, though, how he'd do with all those snobbish Brits in a strange land. She gave him a month to settle in, and then called him. "How do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked. "Oh Mother," he said, "they are strange and noisy people. The one on this side bangs his head against the wall all night and ...
There is a wonderful story about a group of military leaders who succeeded in building a super computer that was able to solve any problem large or small, strategic or tactical. These military leaders assembled in front of the new machine for a demonstration. The engineer conducting the demonstration instructed these officers to feed a difficult tactical problem into it. The military leaders proceeded to describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and then asked the pivotal question: attack or ...
One of the songs that has fallen into disfavor with many Christians--especially since the Vietnam War--is the grand old hymn, Onward Christian Soldiers. It is too militaristic say some. And perhaps it is. We need to be reminded that early Christians refused to bear arms. They trusted in God, not the weapons of war. Christians must always regard war as a drastic action reserved for the most desperate of situations. Others say Onward Christian Soldiers is too triumphalist. It is not sensitive to the presence ...
A 4-year-old boy was asked to return thanks before Thanksgiving dinner. His family bowed their heads in expectation. He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank God for the food. He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip. Then he paused, and everyone waited--and waited ...
Everyone knows about the Good Samaritan. He is one of the best-known characters in history. We know he belonged to a despised people--Samaritans--people who did not keep the laws in the prescribed way and who had intermarried with foreigners. We know he was the surprise hero in Jesus' parable that bears his name. We know he was a generous and compassionate man who paid an innkeeper out of his own pocket for the upkeep of a stranger who had been stripped, robbed, beaten and left for dead beside the road to ...
It would make a great idea for a Country-Western song: "When your lips are one place, but your heart is somewhere else." If someone has a steel guitar or a fiddle, maybe we can work on the lyrics after the service. "When your lips are one place, but your heart is somewhere else." Jesus doesn't claim the title as his own; he attributes it to the prophet Isaiah. "Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites," said Jesus to the Pharisees. "As it is written: "˜These people honor me with their lips ...
Object: An athletic shoe Many of you may have tennis shoes or running shoes at home like these. Some of you might have some shoes that say "Nike" on them. It is not my purpose this morning to give a commercial for Nikes. It is the name that interests me. We are told that back before the time of Jesus there were terrible wars just as there are sometimes today. When an invading army approached a city, the defenders would go out to face the army. The fate of the city would be determined. If there was defeat, ...
Little Jonathan came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious he’d been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked Jonathan what happened. “Well, Dad,” said Jonathan, “You know Eddie--that boy who’s always giving me a hard time. I challenged him to a duel. And I gave him his choice of weapons.” His father said, “that seems fair.” “I know,” Jonathan said, “but I never thought he’d choose his big sister!” Conflict is part of life. ...
Object: Letter with lots of Xs at the bottom Boys and girls, How many of you girls have a boyfriend? Some of you may be embarrassed to say. Do any of you guys have a girlfriend? Have you ever received a letter with lots of Xs and Os at the bottom--maybe from your girlfriend or boyfriend? What do Xs at the bottom of a letter mean? Xs stand for kisses, don't they? Have you ever wondered why Xs mean kisses? Hundreds of years ago, in medieval times, most people were unable to read or write. So they signed ...
An Italian newspaper recently carried a story about a young couple in Milan who seemed particularly devoted in their worship. The priest at a cathedral there reported that the pair spent an hour or more on a regular basis sitting before a statue of the Virgin Mary. Naturally, he assumed they were praying. Turns out, this young couple was recharging their cell phone. They had noticed a stray electric cable sticking out of the wall behind the statue of the Virgin Mary. Whenever their phone's power supply ...
It is said that film maker Walt Disney was a ruthless film editor. He would cut any scene from a movie that interfered in any way with the flow of the story. No matter how beautiful, or funny, or brilliant a scene was, if it didn't fit, it was discarded. Ward Kimball, one of the animators for Snow White, worked nearly eight months on a 4-1/2 minute sequence in which the dwarves made soup for Snow White. It was a humorous scene in which the dwarves wreaked havoc in the kitchen as they tried to make soup. ...
A new doctor--a young woman--came to a small town. Only one member of the community wasn't impressed with her. Old Jim Jones was the town grouch, and he was determined to show everyone that the new doctor wasn't all that great. So, he made an appointment with her. "Doctor," he said, "I have lost my sense of taste." The female doctor said, "What you need is my special concoction, #3." She brought out this concoction and gave a dose to Jim Jones to taste. After tasting it he immediately spit it out, "That's ...
Since it is so close to Christmas, could you forgive a really bad joke? Snow White took photos of the Seven Dwarfs and their surroundings. She took the film to be developed. After a week or so she went to get the finished photos. The clerk said the photos were not back from the processor. Needless to say, she was disappointed and started to cry. The clerk, trying to console her, said, "Don't worry, Snow White. Someday your prints will come." We've already noted that the people of Israel were awaiting their ...
One of the many Christmas traditions that we all treasure is the singing of Christmas carols. If you grew up in church, you've probably memorized the words to half a dozen carols without even thinking about it. Because many of our carols come from merry old England, some of the ancient words and ideas they use can seem unfamiliar to small children. From The American Legion Magazine comes these misunderstood verses from famous Christmas carols. See if you recognize the songs: "Oh, what fun it is to ride ...
You already know the story, but it doesn't hurt to be reminded. The second and third Presidents of the United States were John Adams and Thomas Jefferson. These men were good friends in their youth, but after Adams was replaced by Jefferson, political disagreements separated them and they never saw each other again. They were eventually reconciled in the last 14 years of their lives and exchanged many affectionate letters. When John Adams died at the age of 91, his last words were, "Thomas Jefferson still ...
[Pastor, this self-deprecating introduction is for a non-runner. If you are a runner, you will want to introduce the sermon in a different way.] This morning our theme is "Running for Joy." Most of you don't know that I'm a runner. [Pause.] Of course I don't run five miles any more. [Pause.] Not that I ever ran five miles at any one time. [Pause.] Actually, five miles is the aggregate of a life time of running. [Pause.] Running looks like hard work to me---especially marathons. I read recently a statement ...
Series: Jesus said . . . What? Outrageous Teachings, No. 2 Barbara Bennett of Vancouver, Washington, wanted to sell an old Brothers' sewing machine. So she took out an ad in her local paper's classified section. But when the ad appeared, it read simply "Brother for sale" instead. Worse yet, the ad appeared in the "Items under $50" section. There were actually a couple of calls inquiring about the ad. One wanted to haggle over the price. The other caller hung up when he or she learned that there was not a ...
The Associated Press carried a story from New York sometime back that I thought was interesting. Let me read part of it. "The author of the best-selling book How to Make Love to a Woman pleaded guilty to punching his former girlfriend in the face. `We had a heated argument and for one second I lost control,' Michael Morgenstern said of the incident in which he hit his former girlfriend, 22-year-old fashion model Ethel Marie Parks. The guilty plea was entered after Morgenstern agreed to settle a civil ...
Hamilton Whaley was a prosperous lawyer in Tampa, Florida. He was happily married, had five great kids, a big comfortable house in a pleasant community. He was active in church and making more money than he ever dreamed of. He was also a partner in one of the leading law firms in the state, a vast organization with nearly 70 lawyers. Then in September, 1976, he had a minor car accident. Fortunately he was injured only slightly and recovered quickly. When he returned home from the hospital his telephone ...
A man at an airport was worried about missing his plane. He had no wristwatch, and he couldn't locate a clock, so he hurried up to a stranger and said, "Excuse me, could you tell me the time, please?" The stranger smiled and said, "Sure." He set down the two large suitcases he was carrying and looked at his wristwatch. "It is 6:08, the temperature is 75. The barometric pressure is 30.19 and falling. Rain is predicted. In Madrid, the sky is clear. The temperature is 40 degrees Celsius. In Istanbul, the ...
Have you ever noticed that men like to make jokes about marriage? For example, there's a story about a man sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him. "Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's going on?" Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My wife just ran off with my ...
Series on the Book of Job, #1 This dramatic reading takes place in two seemingly different spheres. The Reader (most likely the pastor) stands behind the pulpit. The Reader needs to read these passages from the Bible, so that the congregation realizes that the scene has shifted back to the story of Job each time. The other readers Male 1, Male 2, Female 1, Female 2, and Female 3 are off to the side of the pulpit. They are seated in folding chairs placed in a semicircle facing the congregation. The ...
It has never been easy to be a prophet. Prophets speak for God. Since the things God would say to us, if we gave God a chance, are often not things we would want to hear, true prophets of the Lord have never been very popular. A soldier was trying to get a check cashed in the small town near the base to which he had been assigned. "I'm sorry," said the merchant who was waiting on him, "but I can't cash your check without some kind of identification. Haven't you got any friends at the base who could vouch ...