A couple was traveling out West. They stopped at a sign that said, "Echo Point." "Try it," the wife suggested. "I think it's silly," her husband said. Finally he agreed to try it. He shouted at the top of his voice, "Baloney!" After a moment, he said, "See, nothing happened." "Try it again," his wife said. This time he shouted, "I'm the best looking man in the world!" Then the echo came back ” "Baloney!" Is there anyone here this morning who is absolutely satisfied with everything you are and everything ...
A man in Alberta, Canada, delights in telling the story of his older brother's second wedding. The man's wife had died suddenly when they were both in their middle years. But then came a widow to the community, a feisty, free-spirited little person, and in just a short while, they asked the minister to come over for a house wedding. The families were gathered for the occasion, and the minister read the form. Then it was time for the vows. Everything went without a hitch, until he asked the bride, "And do ...
Here is something you might find interesting. It is from the Guinness Book of Records 1995. The record for an unreturned and overdue library book was set when a book published in 1609 was borrowed from Sidney Sussex College, Cambridge, Great Britain by Colonel Robert Walpole in 1667. It was found by Professor Sir John Plumb in a library at Houghton Hall, Norfolk, Great Britain and returned 288 years later. No fine was exacted. The most overdue book in the United States was a book on febrile diseases by Dr ...
There's an old, old story about a little guy who was sitting in a restaurant when a big bully came in. The bully walked over to the little guy, grabbed him forcefully and threw him over his shoulder. "That's Judo," he said, "Picked it up in Japan." Next he hit him square on the back of the neck. "That's karate. Picked it up in Korea." The little guy squirmed away from the bully and went out to his truck. When he came back in, he went right up to the bully and cracked him over the head. "That's crowbar," he ...
A television commercial for a pest control company shows two happy families, one on the right half of the split screen and the other on the left. On each side, the camera shows the family sitting on a comfortable sofa. It also shows the flooring and the foundations of the house under them. The voice described the family on the left, whose house had a solid, strong foundation. No problems there. Then the announcer turns to the family on the right. He lowers his voice a bit and speaks with urgency as he ...
In the movie The Truman Show, Truman Burbank believes his life is no different from anyone else's. He has one life to live, just like the rest of us. But one day he begins to notice peculiar things happening. For example he notices things that happen exactly the same way every day. This causes him to get suspicious that something strange is going on. What he doesn't realize is that every second of his life from the day he was born has been telecast live to the entire planet. He is the star of The Truman ...
A few weeks into a new school year, Susan Moser, a mother from Pennsylvania, asked her young son what he thought of first grade. With enthusiasm, he replied, "Oh, I love school. It's great!" Then, after a brief hesitation, he added. "Well, except for one thing . . . I don't really like it when Mrs. Decker tries to teach us stuff." (1) Well, that's a problem, isn't it? Some of our students here can attest to the fact that learning isn't all fun and games. It can be frustrating for both the student and the ...
A man was going up to bed, when his wife told him he'd left the light on in the garden shed. She could see it from the bedroom window. But he said that he hadn't been in the shed that day. He looked out himself, and there were people in the shed, stealing things. He rang the police, but they told him that no one was in his area, so no one was available to catch the thieves. He said "ok," hung up, counted to 30 and rang the police again. "Hello. I just rang you a few seconds ago, because there were people ...
Little Jonathan came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious he’d been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked Jonathan what happened. “Well, Dad,” said Jonathan, “You know Eddie--that boy who’s always giving me a hard time. I challenged him to a duel. And I gave him his choice of weapons.” His father said, “that seems fair.” “I know,” Jonathan said, “but I never thought he’d choose his big sister!” Conflict is part of life. ...
A health-food enthusiast was dominating conversation at a party. "I don''t eat food with additives, preservatives or anything that''s been sprayed," he said forcefully. "Nor do I eat anything with chemicals added to it." "How do you feel?" asked an interested listener. With a sad look on his face he replied, "Hungry!" This morning we are dealing with a theme that is important to many of us and relevant to all of us--the stewardship of our environment. The care of the earth is dear to God''s heart. It ...
A Roman Catholic priest in Dayton, Ohio, recently defied his archbishop by denying communion to worshipers who did not observe a dress code. For several years he had denied the sacraments to anyone who came to church in “shorts, bare midriffs, tank tops, jeans, and sweatshirts.” Finally, the archbishop retired the 73-year old priest for defying his authority. The priest said: “I do not hate the archbishop. I have only pity for him, since he will have to face an angry Christ in judgment.” (Christian Century ...
Dr. Harold Brack, the much beloved professor of Speech and Communications at Drew Theological Seminary, often shared with us that there are some Biblical texts which should be approached with great awe and reverence and preached only with fear and trembling, because no matter how much we share, it is only a glimpse or a snapshot of a much greater picture of truth. St. Jerome once said, "The Bible is like a stream in which elephants must swim and lambs may wade." This is especially true of this passage. As ...
Over the last two weeks we've looked at the first chapter of James and discussed the author''s instructions on Triumphing Over Troubles and Tripping Up the Tempter. Today we continue in our examination of the book of James with verses 5-11 in Chapter one--learning how to Track the Truth and Trust it. James bases his instruction on the realization that the average person tends to turn to God as a last resource in trying to discern truth, rather than at the beginning of the process. He writes in verse 5, "If ...
Dr. Charles Allen, the now retired United Methodist preacher from Houston, Texas, shared, tongue in cheek, a survey he once made in his church: 10% of the members cannot be found 20% -- never attend 25% -- never pray 35% -- never read the Bible 40% -- never give financially to the church 70% -- never attend Sunday Evening Service 75% -- never assume any church task 85% -- never invite anyone to church 95% -- never win a soul to Jesus 100% -- expect to go to Heaven! It reminds me of the old black spiritual ...
In September 1991, the ruling government of the Soviet Union admitted something it had denied for nearly 60 years. During the Stalin era, officials once forgot to set the national clocks back one hour when they came off winter daylight-saving time. They were so embarrassed by the oversight that the Soviet government stayed on the wrong time and denied the whole thing for nearly six decades. (1) The issue of time is at the center of our Biblical text for today. We would do well not to deny its crucial ...
A disturbed and deeply troubled individual went to a psychiatrist to relieve his anxiety. He awoke melancholy every morning, and he went to bed in the evening deeply depressed. His day was marked by darkness and clouds. He could not find relief from this anxiety. In his desperate condition, he decided to seek the help of a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist listened to him for almost an hour. Finally, he leaned toward his patient and said to him, "You know, there is a local show at the theater. I understand a ...
Today, we are concluding our Lenten sermon series on Feasting and Fasting for Lent. It has been good for us to examine the Word of God each week to see how we can rid ourselves of those values, attitudes, and lifestyles that are an insult to the Holiness of God and by the power of the Holy Spirit to replace them with values, attitudes, and lifestyles that honor God and build us up to maximize our potential as disciples of Jesus Christ. We have been fasting to deny ourselves things that render invalid our ...
Recently, my distinguished colleague, Dr. Rodney E. Wilmoth of Omaha, Nebraska, shared in a printed sermon some information about what I believe to be a sad legacy and memorial left by a man, John Jacob Astor. When he died in the 1800s, he was considered to be the richest man in America. However, the memory that many people had of him was anything but rich and honoring. He was born in the village of Waldorf in West Germany. He left home at age sixteen and eventually found his way to America by ship. The ...
In today's Gospel, Mark tells us more about Jesus by showing his power over unclean spirits. The ironic twist is that it was the demons who recognized Jesus as the Son of God, while the people who were "in the crowd" had no idea who he was. This reversal raises an interesting question: If we met Jesus "on the street" today, would we recognize him as the Holy One of God? Being able to "recognize" him is related to what we expect from him. Do we need a leader with a charismatic personality to inspire us? Do ...
The Superintendent of Schools was having a bad year. Some contentious issues were being dealt with by the school board. One Sunday, during the coffee hour after church, I heard the Superintendent say in a particularly loud voice, "For crying out loud, it's my day of rest, too!" Someone had approached him about a concern in the school district, and he felt that there was no place he could go to get away from it. I learned right then not to approach people about business matters when they are not on duty. ...
When I was in college my post office box was right next to a pretty little blonde's. She was a tanned Florida Freshman, if you know what I mean. And her name was Sally. Now John, a fellow on my hall, was secretly in love with Sally. And he kept trying to get me to switch post office boxes with him. That way he could be close to Sally. You see, John was painfully shy. Though he longed to know Sally, he couldn't muster the nerve to ask her out. So, he secretly loved her at a distance. Once he rode a bus four ...
It's easy to slap some people down. Little kids, poor people, beggars, the handicapped, foreigners, old people, minorities ... the list goes on. Sit down and shut up and be grateful for what you have. What do you know? Who asked you? You should be seen and not heard. Those are things we say -- or maybe have had said to us. That's assuming the person in question isn't being ignored into oblivion. We sinful human beings sometimes waver between abusing and ignoring someone who offends, disturbs, or makes us ...
In his book Making Life Work, Chicago area pastor Bill Hybels cites a study that was published under an intriguing title: 178 Seconds to Live. The study concerned twenty pilots, all seasoned veterans in the cockpits of their small planes, but none of whom had ever taken instrument training. One by one they were placed in a flight simulator and told to do whatever they could to keep their planes level and under control. The simulator generated the conditions of a storm, including impenetrable, dark clouds. ...
In the year 2000 Forbes Magazine featured a special edition on a single topic that it called "the biggest issue of our age -- time." The editors wrote, "We've beaten, or at least stymied, most of humanity's monsters: disease, climate, geography, and memory. But time still defeats us. Lately its victories seem more complete than ever. Those timesaving inventions of the last half-century have somehow turned on us. We now hold cell phone meetings in traffic jams, and 24-7 has become the most terrifying phrase ...
A university president, as was his custom, attended the mid-week worship service in his institution's chapel. As he sat in the pew, he could not help but notice a reaction from two coeds seated directly in front of him. Midway through the chaplain's sermon, one of the young women wrote a message on the cover of her bulletin. She quickly passed it over to her fellow student. When she read the message, the reader turned to the sender and nodded vigorously. At the conclusion of the service the two students ...