19 Deep Thoughts: I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead. Life is sexually transmitted. Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they ...
Charles Simpson of Mobile, Alabama tells of meeting a young man who dives for exotic fish for aquariums. This adventurous young man said that one of the most popular aquarium fish is the shark. He explained that if you catch a small shark and confine it, it will stay at a size proportionate to the aquarium. Sharks can be six inches long yet fully matured. But if you turn them loose in the ocean, they grow to their normal length of eight feet. (1) Mother Nature is amazing. How does the shark know that it ...
Karen Fair tells about her three-year-old daughter, Abby, who was having trouble sleeping through the night. She kept waking up because she was afraid. Each time Karen tucked her into bed again, she would remind her that Jesus was with her and that He would keep her safe. The sleepless nights continued, with Abby seeking comfort in her parents’ bedroom. Finally, one night Karen asked her daughter if she had prayed for Jesus to take her fear away and help her fall asleep. “Oh yes,” Abby assured her. “He ...
1079. Porcupines
Mark 4:35-41
Illustration
King Duncan
Pastor John Ortberg has a delight discussion on porcupines in his book, Everybody's Normal Until You Get to Know Them. Porcupines are members of the rodent family, says Ortberg. They have around 30,000 quills attached to their bodies. Each quill can be driven into an enemy, and the enemy's body heat will cause the microscopic barb to expand and become more firmly embedded. The wounds can fester; the more dangerous ones, affecting vital organs, can be fatal. The porcupine is not generally regarded as a ...
1080. Travel Light and Keep Moving
Mark 6:1-13
Illustration
Leonard Sweet
Jesus' mandate to his disciples is to travel lightly and keep moving. Nowhere do we see him sitting down with the twelve and a map, or a snakebite kit, or a store of provisions, or a feasibility study, or a specific set of "goals,""strategies" and "objectives." Jesus gives the disciples (at times as confused and uncomprehending a lot as ever there has been) only what they need most: a mission and the authority to carry it out. All he recommends they take in addition to this is a walking stick a personal ...
Some of you will remember country comedian Jerry Clower. Besides being a funny story-teller, Clower, who died in 1998, was a deeply religious man. He tells of an occasion when he invited Sue, his 14-year-old daughter, and one of her friends to go with him on a trip to the Country Music Awards show in Hollywood. He listed for Sue some of the celebrities she would meet if she went, some of the best-known entertainers at that time. Sue’s response? She said, “Daddy, I love you and I’m so glad that you would ...
I think there are two items that seem never to disappear. You might find them anywhere in your home — under the couch, adorning a plant, behind the hamper, on the bathroom floor, or imbedded in the carpet. Of course, you can try to remove them. A vacuum, a broom, or a feather duster might take care of them, but they are bound to return. Let me give you some clues to solving this mystery. * Clue: One is metallic silver. * Clue: The other comes in traditional green or in a variety of pastel colors. * Clue ...
It was over forty years ago, in the middle of December 1963, when my aging father retired from the Navy. He was only 37 years old at the time, but to a nine-year-old that sounded pretty old! He and mom packed us into the car and we moved from Norfolk, Virginia, back to our native California, taking the old Highway 66, a two-lane highway that could really cause motion sickness at times! Dad made sure we stopped at important places from the sights of Washington DC to the austere majesty of mountainous ...
They say history is written by the victors, but I'm not always so sure. The forces of the Union roundly and rightfully defeated the forces of slavery known as the Confederacy, but 140 years later I'm not sure it's the victors who tell the whole story. Some things are known by their Union name. The decisive battle of September 17, 1862 is known as the Battle of Antietam, not Sharpsburg, as the Confederates knew it. Then there's the little-known Battle of Monocacy. Get off Interstate 70 at Fredericksburg, ...
They were 5,000 feet in the air in a two-seat Cessna when suddenly the pilot slumped over. It happened not so long ago near Mount Hope, Indiana, to an 81-year-old passenger who was flying to Indianapolis for lunch. When his 52-year-old friend and pilot unexpectedly died, the elder passenger realized he knew nothing about flying and a lot less about landing! In the next twenty minutes you can bet he gave his total attention to the voices on the radio and the instructions given to him. Another pilot nearby ...
By the time Paul wrote these words to Timothy, memories were about all he had left. He was a battle-worn soldier of the cross. He had been arrested, he had been beaten, and he had survived shipwreck. Now he was facing execution for his commitment to Christ. But Paul had his memories, and what he remembered was enough to sustain him. He knew the same would be true for his young friend. "Timothy, remember Jesus Christ, raised from the dead, a descendant of David — that is my gospel" (2 Timothy 2:8 NRSV). " ...
I used to wish I were tall. All the other children were bigger. They were stronger ... faster. I was a shrimp ... and it used to bother me. I used to lie in my bed at night wishing that I was the biggest kid in town. Then nobody would push me around. None of the other children could beat me up. None of them could ever call Zacchaeus names (at least not if they wanted to keep their teeth in). None of them would ever give me any trouble again. Yeah, I wanted to be tall, but.... As time went along, of course ...
1088. The End of the Gladiator Games
Mark 7:24-37
Illustration
Robert Salzgeber
Telemachus was a monk who lived in Asia Minor about the year AD 400. During his life the gladiatorial games were very popular. The gladiators were usually slaves or political prisoners who were condemned to fight each other unto death for the amusement of the crowd. People were fascinated by the sight of spurting blood. Telemachus was very much disturbed that the Christian Emperor Honorius sponsored these games and that so many people who called themselves Christians went to see them. What could be further ...
A little girl had been naughty, so she was sent to her room for a quiet time. Afterward, all smiles, she returned to her family, saying, “I prayed to God.” “That’s good,” said her mother. “Did you pray that God would help you be a good girl?” “No,” she replied. “I prayed that God would help you put up with me.” Many of us are like that little girl. We do wrong, but rather than repenting of our sins, we pray that God will put up with us. And why not? It’s our nature to sin; it’s God’s nature to forgive. ...
Call To Worship Leader: It’s a good morning! Are you awake? Are you ready to sing? People: Ah, yes. We are thankful for life and we express our gratitude to the living God! Leader: We have called to God many times and the Holy One has sustained us and restored us to hopefulness. People: With music and dance, with words and silence, we thank God for divine goodness among us! Prayer Of Thanksgiving Holy One — sometimes your presence among us is so subtle, we almost miss you. Stretch our imaginations till we ...
You may have noticed that our lessons for today from Revelation and from the Gospel of John both involve tears. In one passage Jesus weeps. In the other, God wipes away tears from His children’s eyes. All of us can relate to the idea of crying. We’ve all done it at some time in our lives. Of course some people cry easier than others and people cry for different reasons. “You don’t love me anymore,” said one poor guy’s wife as she turned on the waterworks. “When you see me crying, you never ask why.” “I am ...
In 1957, Ben Michtom, president of the Ideal Toy Company, had a brainstorm: why not sell a Jesus doll? The majority of kids in America were Christian, so he figured parents would jump at the opportunity to make playtime a religious experience. Other Ideal executives were horrified, but Michtom consulted with some religious leaders, including most notably the Pope, and the Jesus doll was born. It had beautiful brown glass eyes and was wrapped in molded swaddling cloth. It came in a 12” x 16” package, brown ...
It is always the longest, most solidly stocked stacks in any bookstore — the “self help” nonfiction section. Maybe it’s a holdover from the old American adage of “pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps.” We’ll use some “self-help” suggestions offered by others only as long as we get to pick and choose what kind of help we’ll consider acceptable, only as long as we are still ultimately in charge of the direction and duration that the “help” we seek takes. “Self help” books, whether they are focused on ...
Whenever I lead an inquiry class for those who want to learn more about my congregation and the faith we confess, I try to keep things very simple and boiled down to the basics. I call it an inquiry class because by exploring their questions I hope to help them to see what is at the heart and core of the Christian faith. What is that heart and core? It is revealed by a shocking answer to a simple question. It is a question that every human being asks: What do I have to do to be saved? It is a question that ...
"Students, it is time to get out your pencils, close your books and remove any notes from your desks. The test is about to begin." Those are words that make us shudder, our hearts start to pound and the palms of our hands begin to sweat. From our earliest days in school, we all have had to learn to deal with tests. It may begin with a simple first grade spelling test. But it doesn't take too long before it morphs into ISTEP, the SAT, the Bar, the Boards, or a doctoral qualifying exam. Or it might be as ...
In 2000, Mel Gibson appeared in the comedy, What Women Want. The film was fairly successful at the box office because it built on a fantasy that I think all of us have indulged in at one time or another. He plays an executive who works at an advertising agency in Chicago. His life dramatically changes when he is jolted by electricity and develops the ability to read women's minds. It leads to some absolutely hilarious and humorous situations. Sure enough, it transforms him into a great lover who knows ...
I think anyone who has tried to teach a class or make a presentation to a group has experienced something like this. You have a perfectly planned lesson. You have your presentation all worked out. Then as you begin, there is always this one student, this one participant, this one character in the audience who interrupts you and begs to differ with what you have to say. "But pastor, what about this? What about that? I see things differently." At first you may be pleased that there is actually someone who is ...
When my daughter, Hannah, was five years old we lived in Minnesota. Before she entered kindergarten, she had to take an entrance exam. Being the non-competitive but responsible parent that I am, I decided to help Hannah prepare for this test. I taught her how to count to ten — in four languages. I taught her the colors by buying a box of crayons — 64 count, including turquoise, magenta, and chartreuse. We worked on a puzzle of the United States with each individual state cut out so we could learn the names ...
1099. Quantas Maintenance Engineers' Humor
Humor Illustration
Apparently, after every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a ‘gripe sheet’, which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas’ Pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. Pilots: Left inside main tire almost needs ...
What do you or your family pray at mealtime? When I was growing up, our family typically recited the "God is good, God is great" prayer that so many folks use as a table grace. At Christian camp settings as a teenager, I grew accustomed to singing the Johnny Appleseed song before we ate. My children are fond of singing the doxology at the dinner table. And over the years I have heard a great many people offer mealtime prayers, thanking God for his bounty, for fellowship, for the hands that prepared and the ...