Philanthropist: a rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.Ambrose Bierce
Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.Ambrose Bierce
Pray, v.: to ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.Ambrose Bierce
Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.Ambrose Bierce
Present, n.: That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.Ambrose Bierce
Religion: A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.Ambrose Bierce
Responsibility n.: A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbour. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.Ambrose Bierce
Sabbath: a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.Ambrose Bierce
Telephone, n.: An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.Ambrose Bierce
The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.Ambrose Bierce
The slightest acquaintance with history shows that powerful republics are the most warlike and unscrupulous of nations.Ambrose Bierce
The small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name of knowledge.Ambrose Bierce
