Sermon and Worship Resources

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51. Erma's New Year's Resolutions

Luke 2:41-52

Illustration

Erma Bombeck

The late Erma Bombeck made these New Year's resolutions: 1. I'm going to clean this dump just as soon as the kids grow up. 2. I will go to no doctor whose office plants have died. 3. I'm going to follow my husband's suggestion to put a little excitement into my life by living within our budget. 4. I'm going to apply for a hardship scholarship to Weight Watchers. 5. I will never loan my car to any...

52. Life's Little Lessons

Illustration

Erma Bombeck

Some advice for life: Never have more children than you have car windows. Never loan your car to someone to whom you have given birth. Pick your friends carefully. A "friend" never goes on a diet when you are fat or tells you how lucky you are to have a husband who remembers Mother's Day when his gift is a smoke alarm. Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the de...

53. Obedience

John 14:15-31

Illustration

Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck wrote about having the meanness parents in all the world: I had the meanest parents in all the world. When I was seven years old they dared to spank me just because I told them I would not do what they asked me to do to help around the house. My friend next door never got spanked. He didn't have to help at home. He had nice parents. I had the meanest parents. I had to eat all my bro...

54. The Church Is No Place for Joy

Luke 15:1-7

Illustration

Erma Bombeck

In church the other Sunday I was intent on a small child who was turning around smiling at everyone. He wasn't gurgling, spitting, humming, kicking, tearing the hymnals, or rummaging through his mother's handbag. He was just smiling. Finally, his mother jerked him about and in a stage whisper that could be heard in a little theater off Broadway said, "Stop grinning! You're in a church!" With that,...

55. The Easiest Part of Being a Mother Is Giving Birth

2 Timothy 1:5

Illustration

Erma Bombeck

For the first four or five years after I had children, I considered motherhood a temporary condition - not a calling. It was a time of my life set aside for exhaustion and long hours. It would pass. Then one afternoon with three kids in tow, I came out of the supermarket pushing a cart (with four wheels that went in opposite directions) when my toddler son got away from me. Just outside the door,...

56. What Does A Father Do?

Ephesians 6:1-4

Illustration

Erma Bombeck

I received a letter from a single mother who had raised a son who was about to become a dad. Since he had no recollection of his own father, her question to me was "What do I tell him a father does?" When my dad died in my ninth year, I, too, was raised by my mother, giving rise to the same question, "What do fathers do?" As far as I could observe, they brought around the car when it rained so ev...

57. When God Created Fathers

Ephesians 6:1-4

Illustration

Erma Bombeck

When the good Lord was creating Fathers he started with a tall frame. And a female angel nearby said, "What kind of Father is that? If you're going to make children so close to the ground, why have you put Fathers up so high? He won't be able to shoot marbles without kneeling, tuck a child in bed without bending, or even kiss a child without a lot of stooping." And God smiled and said, "Yes, but i...

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me."

Erma Bombeck

Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.

Erma Bombeck

You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.

Erma Bombeck

Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.

Erma Bombeck

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.

Erma Bombeck

Showing 51 to 62 of 62all results

Showing all results

51. Erma's New Year's Resolutions

Luke 2:41-52

Illustration

Erma Bombeck

52. Life's Little Lessons

Illustration

Erma Bombeck

53. Obedience

John 14:15-31

Illustration

Erma Bombeck

54. The Church Is No Place for Joy

Luke 15:1-7

Illustration

Erma Bombeck

55. The Easiest Part of Being a Mother Is Giving Birth

2 Timothy 1:5

Illustration

Erma Bombeck

56. What Does A Father Do?

Ephesians 6:1-4

Illustration

Erma Bombeck

57. When God Created Fathers

Ephesians 6:1-4

Illustration

Erma Bombeck

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me."

Erma Bombeck

Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.

Erma Bombeck

You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.

Erma Bombeck

Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.

Erma Bombeck

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.

Erma Bombeck

Showing 51 to 62 of 62all results