Sermon and Worship Resources

Antonyms: keep, claim, continue, stick by, self-control, power through, achieve, defend, bear, hope, acquire, quick visit, adopt, continue along, adhere, remain, pursue, support, take up, keep up, reuse, advocate, stay, persevere, cherish, keep going, carry on

Showing 4651 to 4675 of 4977 results

4651. Where Is God?

Humor Illustration

A little boy was in Sunday School one day and the Sunday School teacher said to him, "Tell the class where God is." Well, little David didn't say anything; he didn't quite understand what the teacher was asking. The teacher asked a second time in a louder voice, "Where is God?" The little boy became frightened and ran home to his bedroom where he shut himself in the closet. His mother saw this happen at church, and followed him home. Finding him ...

4652. Second Languages

Humor Illustration

A mother mouse was giving her baby mice their first tour of the barn. She and the children walked from one end of the barn to the other. They were enjoying their walk until they came face to face with a large cat who seemed quite eager to pounce upon them. But, rather than succumb to cruel fate, the mother mouse drew up her face, looked the cat straight in the eye . . . and began to loudly bark like a dog! The cat was so startled that it turned tail and ran away. The mother mouse turned ...

4653. Too Polite for Words

Illustration

Nicholas D. Kristoff

... has no deep Freudian meaning: it simply means that your mother is uncouth and ugly. That's the meanest that Japanese children can be linguistically. Their Chinese cousins also have this built-in limitation on personal insults. The Chinese dismiss their enemies as "tuzaizi," or "baby bunny rabbits." It's quite charming to think of a furious man ranting in Chinese and then coming up with an epithet like "You baby bunny rabbit!"

4654. Louder In the Back

Humor Illustration

... his hand to his ear, and said, "Louder." The preacher raised his voice somewhat and continued with his sermon, which was not too interesting. After a few minutes the man said again, "Louder!" The preacher strained even more and continued on, but by now the sermon had become quite boring. The man said again, "Louder!" At this point a man on the front row couldn't stand it any longer and yelled back to the man in the rear. "What's the matter, can't you hear?" "No," said the man in the back. "Well," said the ...

4655. Coffee Break Is Over

Humor Illustration

... the Palace of Darkness. There, the devil told him that he had his choice of three rooms in which he could live. The first room was rather plain, with a brick floor. All the inhabitants of this room had to stand on their heads on this hard floor. It looked quite painful, so the man asked to see the next room. The second room was filled with dozens of people standing on their heads on a wood floor. This looked less painful than the first room, but the man still wasn't satisfied. "I want to see the third room ...

4656. Scientific Jargon

Humor Illustration

... AND TO ANDREA SCHAEFFER FOR VALUABLE DISCUSSIONS . . . Mr. Boltz did the work and Ms. Shaeffer explained to me what it meant. A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY. . . A totally useless topic selected by my committee. IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD. . . I quit. SCIENTIFIC JARGON, Dyrk Schingman, Oregon State University.

4657. That's Not It

Humor Illustration

There is a humorous story about a man who was drafted into the army. While in the army he developed a quite disconcerting habit. As he walked along each day he kept picking up pieces of paper saying to himself aloud, "That's not it!" He would pick up one piece of paper saying to himself aloud, "That's not it!" He would pick up one piece of paper after another and ...

4658. Suit For Sale

Humor Illustration

... suit. If you can sell it, you have a job." The man was ecstatic. "That's all I wanted was a chance," he said. An hour later he came back to the manager very excitedly, "I did it, I did it! he shouted. "I sold that suit." The manager was quite pleased. "You must be a determined salesman," he said. "But tell me, where did you get all of those lacerations? Was the customer angry? The man replied, "Oh, no, sir, but his seeing-eye dog nearly tore me to pieces."

4659. A Promise to Tithe

Humor Illustration

... ." "No problem," thought the man, "that's only $400 a year and that isn't much nowadays. Why, that's only $8.00 per week." So they prayed together, and he promised to give back 10% to the Lord and the Lord's work. Over the years this man became quite wealthy, and eventually came to the point where he was making almost $100,000 a year! He came to the pastor and said: "I'd like to be released from that promise I made many years ago. One tenth of my income is now $10,000 a year, and I ...

4660. The Third Time

Humor Illustration

An old Communism joke in which Brezhnev and his wife are returning home by train from West Germany: She asks, "Leonid, we've been traveling quite a while. Where are we?" Without looking up from his papers, he holds his hand out the window and says, "East Germany." Some hours later she inquires again. After putting his hand out again, he says without hesitation, "Poland." The third time he says, "Ah, we're almost to Moscow." ...

4661. Instructions For Life

Humor Illustration

Someone has compiled a list of Kid's Instructions on Life. Some of these are quite insightful: "Wear a hat when feeding seagulls." Rocky, age 9 "Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning." Stephanie, age 8 "Don't flush the john when your dad's in the shower." Lamar, age 10 "Never ask for anything that costs more than $5 when ...

4662. The Doctor's Diagnosis

Illustration

Staff

Psychologist Gordon Allport once told about a patient who was dying in a hospital. The attending physicians told him quite frankly that he could not expect to be cured since the diagnosis was unknown. The only hope they offered him was that a distinguished diagnostician had been called in and was soon to give his expert opinion. The specialist arrived but needed only a little time to reach his conclusion. ...

4663. The Mule Blew First

Humor Illustration

A country veterinarian prescribed three mammoth-sized pills to be given to a sick mule. The farmer was perplexed as to how to administer the medicine. "It's quite simple," said the doctor. "Simply put a pill in a pipe with a large bore. Then, put the pipe in the mule's mouth and blow on the other end. The mule will then swallow the pill without realizing it." The next day the farmer returned, looking fairly ill. "You ...

4664. Expecting Too Much

Humor Illustration

... . A fourth-grader is standing nose-to-nose with his teacher, both frowning. Behind them is a chalkboard full of unsolved mathematical problems. You can feel the frustration as the boy has worked, erased, struggled, and strained to perform before his class. Quite likely his teacher had just announced in front of everyone that he should have been able to solve the problems. Perhaps she labeled him an underachiever. With a fair measure of perception, the boy is answering back, "I'm not an underachiever ...

4665. I Could Do Better

Humor Illustration

Two buddies were talking about their girlfriends, and one commented to the other that he had changed his lifestyle a great deal to please his girlfriend. "You stopped smoking because she asked you to?" "Yes," answered the man. "I quit drinking, cursing, and gambling, too." His friend looked at him incredulously and asked, "Then why didn't you marry her?" "Because after all that changing I found I could do better!"

4666. DNA Nursery Rhyme

Humor Illustration

... the door. It made the children laugh and sing, the teachers found it droll. There were too many lamby clones, for Mary to control. No other could control the sheep, since their programs didn't vary. So the scientists resolved it all, by simply cloning Mary. But now they feel quite sheepish, those scientists unwary, One problem solved, but what to do, with Mary, Mary, Mary.

4667. Hunting Preachers

Humor Illustration

... this week about a Methodist preacher and a Baptist preacher who were fierce competitors. Their churches were across the street from each other and were roughly the same size. They were constantly vying for the attention of the community and, unfortunately, the competition had caused quite a bit of tension between them. A prominent layman in the community wanted to see the two pastors get together in a spirit of cooperation and love. So he paid for the two of them to go on a hunting trip together to the ...

4668. A White Tie Affair

Humor Illustration

... . The librarian brought him one. When he saw the title, he seemed flustered, and said it was not what he wanted. Did we have anything else on marriage? The second book she brought, more explicit than the first, caused him to pinken. It still was not quite what he wanted. The librarian then brought him a very detailed marriage manual. Before delivering it, however, she said to another staff member, "If he can't handle this, he better give up the whole thing." He looked through it, turned deep red and blurted ...

4669. Bait For One

Humor Illustration

A certain little boy was late for Sunday school. His teacher, seeing him slip in, asked him the reason. The boy shuffled his feet uncertainly for a moment, then blurted out: "I started out to go fishing instead, but my dad wouldn't let me." The teacher beamed broadly, "He was quite right not to let you go fishing on a Sunday. Did he explain to you why?" The little boy nodded. "Oh yes, sir. He said there wasn't enough bait for the two of us."

4670. Building Bridges

Illustration

Staff

... wide, his jaw dropped. There was no fence there at all. It was a bridge, a bridge stretching from one side of the creek to the other. A fine piece of work handrails and all and the neighbor, his younger brother, was coming across, his hand outstretched. "You are quite a fellow to build this bridge after all I've said and done." The two brothers stood at each end of the bridge and then they met in the middle, took each other's hand. They turned to see the carpenter hoist his toolbox on his shoulder, "No wait ...

4671. A Pain in the Neck

Humor Illustration

... and shortness of breath, visual blurring, and recurring dizzy spells. The doctor examined him and said, "I'm afraid I have some bad news for you. You have only six months to live." The doomed man decided he would spend his remaining time on earth enjoying him. He quit his job, bought a sports car, and a closet full of new suits and shoes. Then he went to get himself a dozen tailored shirts. He went to the finest shirt shop he could find. The tailor measured him and wrote down "size l6 neck." "Wait a moment ...

4672. Signs of a Red-Neck

Humor Illustration

Bob McLaughlin has some clues on "how to tell if you are a redneck": Your dad walks you to school because you're both in the same grade. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does. You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it. Your father encouraged you to quit school because he heard Willie Bob had an opening on the lube rack. Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

4673. The Little Heckler

Humor Illustration

I was speaking at a women's organization, and they asked if I would mind standing in a reception line following the meeting. The program chairperson was quite persuasive, so I agreed to do so. The speech must have gone well, because the ladies coming through the line were saying nice things to me, and smiling as they shook my hand. Pretty soon I noticed a little boy standing in front of me. He looked straight at me ...

4674. The Potbellied Stove Conundrum

Illustration

Staff

... on a hunting trip in northern Canada. They knocked on the door of an isolated cabin seeking shelter and rest. The cabin was not, at the moment, occupied, but the front door was unlocked. They entered the small, two-room cabin and noticed something quite unusual. A large potbellied, cast-iron stove was suspended in mid-air by wires attached to the ceiling beams. Why would a stove be elevated from the floor? Each of them began to look behind the phenomenon for "hidden meanings." The psychologist concluded ...

4675. A Person Jesus Loves

Matthew 25:31-46

Illustration

Steven Molin

... , they were met by a rather disturbing sight. An apparently homeless beggar sat on the front steps of the church, wearing tattered clothing, a wool cap pulled down over his eyes, and clutching a bottle in fingerless gloves. They had never seen anything quite like this in White Lake North Dakota. Most worshipers simply walked around the man, or stepped over him, as he sat there. Some muttered words of disapproval, and others suggested that the man move to another doorway before the Sunday School children ...

Showing results

Showing 4651 to 4675 of 4977 results

4651. Where Is God?

Humor Illustration

4652. Second Languages

Humor Illustration

4653. Too Polite for Words

Illustration

Nicholas D. Kristoff

4654. Louder In the Back

Humor Illustration

4655. Coffee Break Is Over

Humor Illustration

4656. Scientific Jargon

Humor Illustration

4657. That's Not It

Humor Illustration

4658. Suit For Sale

Humor Illustration

4659. A Promise to Tithe

Humor Illustration

4660. The Third Time

Humor Illustration

4661. Instructions For Life

Humor Illustration

4662. The Doctor's Diagnosis

Illustration

Staff

4663. The Mule Blew First

Humor Illustration

4664. Expecting Too Much

Humor Illustration

4665. I Could Do Better

Humor Illustration

4666. DNA Nursery Rhyme

Humor Illustration

4667. Hunting Preachers

Humor Illustration

4668. A White Tie Affair

Humor Illustration

4669. Bait For One

Humor Illustration

4670. Building Bridges

Illustration

Staff

4671. A Pain in the Neck

Humor Illustration

4672. Signs of a Red-Neck

Humor Illustration

4673. The Little Heckler

Humor Illustration

4674. The Potbellied Stove Conundrum

Illustration

Staff

4675. A Person Jesus Loves

Matthew 25:31-46

Illustration

Steven Molin

Showing results