Ducking the Question: A 6-year-old emerged from her Sunday school class with a toothless grin on her face and a piece of candy and a new pencil in her hands. "Guess what?" she lisped. "I was the best listener today. I won the prize!" "That's wonderful," her dad replied. "How did you win?" "Miss Lynda read a story about baby Jesus, then asked what Mary wrapped Jesus in when she laid him in the manger." "Well, what did Mary wrap ...
427. Peanut Butter & Lonely Sandwich
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... of bed. Then there's the night, too lying there and thinking about all the stupid things I've done during the day. And all those hours in between when I do all those stupid things. Well, lunchtime is among the worst times of the day for me. Well, I guess I'd better see what I've got. (He opens the bag, unwraps a sandwich, and looks inside.) Peanut butter. (He bites and chews.) Some psychiatrists say that people who eat peanut butter sandwiches are lonely. I ...
428. A Drink at Gunpoint
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... farmer wasn't going to take no for an answer. He stopped the truck and grabbed his shotgun from the rack in back. He pointed the gun at the lad and roared, "I said, take a drink!" "Okay! Okay!" said the young man. "I've changed my mind! I guess I will have some after all." The young man took a few swallows before he realized how powerful the stuff was. His throat muscles tightened, his eyes watered, and he made a choking sound. "What do you think of it?" asked the farmer. "Good, ain't it?" "Yeah," gasped ...
... dismay, he found that the little creature had tied a red ribbon on every bush in the field! (2) That is why you never run into anyone who has ever found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. A leprechaun has tricked him out of it. I guess we better not include finding a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow in our retirement planning—though it does make as much sense as betting on the lottery. Nevertheless, in our planning for life, looking for rainbows makes a great deal of sense. God has made a ...
... come a time when an adult takes responsibility for his or her own life. If we don’t, then next will come suits against brothers, sisters, teachers, and even friends. (2) It’s like an old Peanuts cartoon. Peppermint Patty telephones Charlie Brown, “Guess what, Chuck . . . the first day of school, and I got sent to the principal’s office. It was your fault, Chuck.” “My fault?” Charlie Brown replies surprised. “How could it be MY fault? Why do you always say everything is MY fault!” “You ...
... in a door, says one commentator. After all, Jesus did say, “I am the door.” (John 10:7) And he was a carpenter. Of course, we see this kind of thing all the time. One lady in St. Petersburg Florida claims seeing Jesus’ image in a potato chip! (2) My guess is that we see what we want to see, and our deepest yearning of all is to see Jesus. Our deepest yearning is to encounter God. And so, in our search for meaning our eyes pick up patterns that, while random, seem to reveal God’s presence. And that ...
432. Forrest Gump Goes To Heaven
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... I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?" asked St. Peter. "How many seconds in a year? Now that one is harder," replied Forrest, "but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve." Astounded, St. Peter said, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?" Forrest replied, "Shucks, there's got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd..." ''Hold it," interrupts St.Peter. "I see ...
... time coming to grips with our dreams and aspirations. Often husbands and wives especially have problems because of this. I like the story about the first grade teacher who was taking her pupils on a field trip to the local zoo. Each child was given a turn at guessing the names of the various animals. The camel, lion, giraffe, bear, and the elephant all were named correctly. Then it got to be a little boy’s turn. The teacher pointed to a deer and asked him if he knew what it was. He hesitated for a long ...
... solemnly parade up and down the church aisles with an offering plate, while his father beamed down from the pulpit and encouraged everyone to "dig deep, brothers and sisters, for the good work." (2) Well, that’s another way to raise money for the church, I guess. None of these approaches to raising money quite fits me. I hope you appreciate that. It’s not that I’m embarrassed to talk about money. Jesus, as you may know, talked more about money than any other one subject. He knew what money can do ...
... house was nearly complete, the owner who was also the builder, decided to leave that portion unfinished and start on an addition. And, you guessed it, before that wing was done he would knock out a wall, pour footers, and stretch out in yet another direction. Now I don ... It doesn't mean how we usually use it; something like, "Oh, my husband left his dirty underwear on the floor again. I guess this is just my cross to bear." Instead, when Jesus talks about us carrying our cross he means that, being fully aware ...
... men all went to the same church, but most people would not have wanted them as parishioners. Everybody went fishing on Sundays or stayed home and chatted with his friends. Anybody wanted to worship, but he was afraid that Somebody would speak with him. Thus, guess who went to church — that's right, Nobody. Actually, Nobody was the only decent one of the lot. Nobody did the parish census; Nobody joined the parish council. One day there was an announcement in the parish bulletin for a person to volunteer to ...
... will truly be hungry and thirsty for it. Only then does it take on meaning. You have to seek that. You have to want it. And I guess beyond that, I want to love it so much, and I want to say "change me," that without holding it up and admonishing people ... truly be hungry and thirsty for it. Only then does it take on meaning. You have to seek that. You have to want it. And I guess beyond that, I want to love it so much, and I want to say "change me," that without holding it up and admonishing people ...
... up butter, lard and fat, because this made them constipated, and this they felt was their way of sharing in the sufferings of Christ. Snyder said he shared that in a staff meeting, and one of his staff members responded by saying, “Well, I guess.” (2) I guess there are all kinds of ways to share in Christ’s suffering. A serious response to this idea of making a sacrifice during Lent has been for many Christians to fast during Lent. Medical experts are divided today on the wisdom of fasting. However ...
... . A new doctor who was on duty said to him casually and cruelly, “You know, don’t you, that you won’t live out the year?” As the young man left, he stopped by the director’s desk and wept. “That man took away my hope,” he blurted out. “I guess he did,” replied the director. “Maybe it’s time to find a new one.” (9) The new hope he was talking about is the only hope worth having hope in God. All of us have to put our hope somewhere. Why not invest our hope in that which is eternal ...
... , and asked, “Why are you doing this?” Diaz replied, “Well, if you’re willing to risk your freedom for a few dollars, then I guess you must really need the money. I mean, all I wanted to do was get dinner . . . and if you want to join me . . . hey ... had almost a sad face,” Diaz said. He couldn’t answer or he didn’t want to. When the bill arrived, Diaz told the teen, “Look, I guess you’re going to have to pay for this bill ’cause you have my money and I can’t pay for it. But if you give me ...
... the parking lot, say the right words of greeting in the narthex, go through the proper worship motions in the sanctuary, and then return home to the same old way of thinking and behaving. Can you guess what word most non-church members use to describe Christians? You are exactly right if you guessed “hypocrite.” We are indeed guilty of saying one thing and doing just the opposite. We are often guilty of speaking with sincerity and preaching with passion; yet acting as if we are more “religious” than ...
... while he was in a long line of automobiles moving slowly toward a toll booth at a long bridge. When he finally arrived to pay his fee, the official in the booth said that his toll had been paid by someone in the car ahead. You can guess what happened next. The man paid the toll for the next automobile and so on. When Sam returned from a youth mission trip into a hurricane ravaged area, he organized monthly “mini-mission” trips into his local community. When Mary’s twelve-year-old daughter received a ...
... One of the first signs that a person is depressed is a lack of energy. Some people work too hard. Even more worry too much. Many tired people simply suffer from sleep deprivation. That may sound trivial and obvious, but we need to talk about it for a moment. My guess is that there are several of you who do not get enough sleep to function at your best. Some of this lack of sleep, of course, is due to stress and worry. D.T. Niles, the great Asian evangelist, tells of traveling by train across India. It was a ...
... are many great online resources for reading and studying the Bible. If you haven’t already done this, go online and get a daily Bible reading plan set up. There are sites that will email you the Bible reading plan each day. If you have a smart phone, guess what? There’s an app for that. I want to close with a quote by one of the most popular authors and Bible teachers of the 20th century, one of my personal favorites, Chuck Swindoll. He was in effect, Max Lucado, before Max Lucado. He made a statement ...
... , things haven’t changed in 2000 years. You can talk about God or a higher power or the “man upstairs” and nobody will say a word, but just say “Jesus” and that is when everything hits the fan. It is looking like bad news for the apostles! No, you guessed it, the bad news leads to the good news. “But Peter and the apostles answered, ‘We must obey God rather than men. The God of our fathers raised Jesus, whom you killed by hanging him on a tree. God exalted him at his right hand as Leader and ...
... and a legitimate dividing point. Then there are the things we debate such as style of worship, musical preferences, etc. Nothing wrong with have differences of opinion and feeling strongly about those opinions, but those are not hills to die on or walls to divide. I guess I can best illustrate it with this story of a man who on a trip walked up on a guy who was carrying a Bible. He asked the man, “Are you a believer?” The man replied excitedly, “Yes!” The questions started coming rapid-fire. “Do ...
... how to cover up a sin than you are about admitting it and repenting of it, you may say you are concerned about getting right with God, but you are not. Every day your first priority should be His rule over your life and His righteousness in your life. Guess what happens? When you focus on His will He takes care of your worries. Listen again to verse 33. “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33, ESV) You focus on what God wants to ...
... you noticed that? Reader’s Digest carried an item recently about Melinda Schmitt of Raleigh, North Carolina who decided to hug as many people as possible for a year. She’s topped 1,000 and still counting. My guess is that Melinda is a popular young lady. Some people are huggers and some are not. My guess is that many non-huggers would like to change sides, but they are simply too reserved, too timid. Anyone who wants a free hug, please see me after the service. Now loving and hugging are not necessarily ...
... 5 years of our lifetime doing nothing but this. It is universally above everything else the one thing everybody hates to do. In fact, there is nothing that we do that is more frustrating, aggravating, irritating and feels like more of a waste of time than doing this. Can you guess what it is? It’s waiting. An hour every day we wait on something. We are put on hold, we wait in the doctor’s office, we wait at a red light, we wait at a checkout counter. An hour a day, 5 years of our life we will spend ...
... they considered to be the greatest, most prolific songwriters of all time. I am going to give you the top nine in their list in reverse order and see if you can guess who was #1. #9 – Elton John #8 – Joni Mitchell #7 – Paul Simon #6 – Mick Jagger #5 - Neil Young #4 - Paul McCarty #3 - Bruce Springsteen #2 - John Lennon Who wants to guess who they said was the #1 songwriter of all time? #1 – Bob Dylan I really have no qualms with that list except for the number one position. I don’t agree with ...