One of the most popular stories of the past decade has to be the story of a man named Henry who lived in a valley near a river. The river had reached flood stage. Everybody was being evacuated to higher ground. Except Henry. He was staying at his house and not abandoning it. God would take care of him, he contended. Soon the water had risen to Henry's porch. His friends paddled by in a rowboat. Henry was sitting on his windowsill. "We have come to save you, Henry," they said. Henry would not budge. " ...
4377. Pass the Broccoli
Humor Illustration
A little girl stayed for dinner at the home of her first-grade friend. The vegetable was buttered broccoli and the mother asked if she liked it. The child replied very politely, "Oh yes, I loved it." But when the bowl of broccoli was passed she declined to take any. The hostess said, "I thought you said you loved broccoli." The girl replied sweetly, "Oh yes ma'am, I do, but not enough to eat it!" - ROTARY MAGAZINE
4378. Don't Be Late
Humor Illustration
... deadline. He didn't return to heaven until nine o'clock three hours late. Saint Peter chastised him verbally and declared that he would be compelled to discipline George severely for ignoring the deadline. George said, "Saint Peter, you won't have to do that. I didn't come to stay. I just came to get my clothes."
4379. Who's the Boss
Humor Illustration
... fist in his wife's face, and growled, "From now on you're taking orders from me. I want my supper right now, and when you get it on the table, go upstairs and lay out my clothes. Tonight I am going out with the boys. You are going to stay at home where you belong. Another thing, you know who is going to tie my bow tie?" "I certainly do," said his wife calmly. "The undertaker."
4380. A Bilingual Society
Humor Illustration
A bilingual society: Not so long ago a country mouse ran down my street. And all of a sudden there was this, "meow," so the mouse jumped into a manhole. But he couldn't quite get away, because it was full of water. So he stayed on a brick. Fortunately, the cat couldn't quite reach down there. He was just scratching the top of the mouse's fur. Suddenly there was a "Ruff, ruff, ruff!" and the scuffling of padded feet. Then it was quiet. Thinking the cat had been chased by a dog, the ...
4381. In Devil's Disguise
Humor Illustration
... about a story that appeared in the newspapers some years back. The story was about an unusual occurrence at the Porter's Chapel Church near Erwin, N.C. The devil was picketing the church one Sunday morning startling sinners, frightening small children, and exhorting passersby to stay away from church. Folks who passed the little cinder block church on N.C. 82 saw a red-suited creature with forked tail plodding up and down in front of the church. He carried a pitchfork in one hand and a sign in the other ...
4382. The Pressures of the Job
Humor Illustration
None of us, though, are beyond God's amusing grace: A cartoon pictures a young man telling the preacher, "Being a minister must be really hard. I mean, living for others, leading an exemplary life. That's a lot of responsibility. The pressures must be tremendous! Having to set a good example...people watching, waiting for one false move, one sign of human frailty they can jump on! Oh, I don't know how you handle it!" Finally, the preacher says, "I stay home a lot."
4383. Two Chances
Illustration
It's kind of like the young fellow who was walking near a draft board during the Vietnam War. A neighbor said, "You had better stay away - you are liable to get drafted." The young man said, "Well, I always figure I have got two chances: I might get drafted and I might not. And even if I'm drafted, I still have two chances: I might pass and I might not. And if I pass, ...
4384. A Bunch of Bull
Humor Illustration
... job in a brokerage office and become a Wall Street bull." "I," said the third "shall become a bull in a china shop." "Okay," said the fourth bull, nodding cheerfully. "Go out into the world if you will. But I love it right here in this pasture. I intend to stay here for heifer and heifer and heifer." I have known speakers who went on for heifer and heifer and heifer. That's no bull!
4385. The Rooster Crows
Illustration
A. Craig Baird
... Ohio. When he was at DePauw he had a small acreage where he raised chickens. He said that everything went all right except in the middle of the night the rooster would start to crow and wake everybody up. He could not understand the behavior, so he stayed up one night to find out the trouble. He said that along about two o'clock in the morning, the interurban train coming out from Indianapolis would swing around a curve, and the headlight would shine into the chicken house. The rooster, thinking it was the ...
After a long series of stories about the need for keeping alert, being watchful, staying at the ready, the time of anticipation is finally over. In today’s gospel text Jesus describes what will occur when the long-awaited “Son of Man” at last makes his appearance. As Jesus describes what will occur at that much anticipated event, his presentation assumes the now familiar parable ...
... as his world is crumbling around him, realizes that he has just heard this boy speak the words of hope that he had lost sight of. And, instantly, Arthur knows what to do. He forbids Tom from fighting in the coming battle and commands him rather to stay behind the lines until the conflict is over. He knights him - "Sir Tom" - and commands him to return to England, to grow up and grow old...and to remember the story of Camelot. He instructs his young friend, Each evening from December to December, Before you ...
... is what goes wrong; is what comes unexpected; is how you handle the unwanted. How many perfect Christmases do you remember? Maybe a few snippets from a few memories. But you don’t tell any stories about “the perfect Christmas.” The Christmases that DO stay fixed in our hearts and the stories we share over and over again with others are those Christmases that were far from perfect. Those Christmases where the “unexpected gift” of chaos showed up gave us the greatest gift of all. What are your most ...
4389. When We Are Reborn
Mark 1:4-11
Illustration
King Duncan
... biggest barrier to starting a new life is fear of how those closest to us will react. If we do change, our relationships will inevitably be affected. Other people are involved. We have responsibilities. If we change, how will our spouse react? How about our friends? It's easier to stay in our comfort zone if we feel that others will regard us negatively if we seek to change.
... keep an eye out, but keeps their hands free to accomplish other tasks. Both these “Swing’N’Sway gadgets satisfy the baby by giving the child the illusion that they are moving forward or being taken for a walk when in reality they are staying safely in one place. By the time our children can walk on their own, these devices are done for. The tiniest, shakiest, clumsiest first “baby steps” are far more exciting to toddlers than any stationary “pretend” movement offered by a Swing’N’Sway. Our ...
... on finishing high school. He worked his way through Wake Forest University then went on to Southern Seminary, the first of his family to get a higher education. He writes in his book how difficult it was to leave that mill town and how much the peer pressure was to stay, not to leave. People were saying, “So you think you’re too good to work in the mill, huh? Think you’re better than we are, do you? Just don’t want to have anything to do with hard working folks like us, is that it? I never thought ...
... , heard his cries, watched all hope drain from Christ’s face. She heard his last words, his final gasp. The men disciples were mostly in hiding. Even Jesus’ brothers and sisters were nowhere to be found at the end. But there at the foot of the cross, Mary stayed faithful to the very last. Now it’s the morning of the third day and it’s Mary Magdalene, of course, making her way to Christ’s tomb. She discovers that the stone has been removed from the entrance and the body of her Master is missing. We ...
4393. Observations on Growing Older
Humor Illustration
... underwear in case you 'HAVE' an accident! When you needed the discount, you paid full price. Now you get discounts on everything...movies, hotels, flights, but you're too tired to use them. You used to say, "I hope my kids 'GET' married... Now, "I hope they 'STAY' married!" You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" Switch.. When GOOGLE, Iphone, e-mail, etc., were unheard of, and a mouse was something that made you climb on a table. You tend to use more 4 letter words: what?, when ...
4394. Self Pep Talk
Humor Illustration
... more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy." At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Gramps again in a controlled voice is says, "Albert, Albert, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, Albert." Very impressed, the woman goes outside where Gramps is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. "You know, sir, it's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it.. That whole time, you kept your ...
... he had started out his public witness in the synagogues, preaching to established local congregations, the swell of crowds that now seek Jesus out make it impossible for him to “go into town openly.” The itinerant nature of Jesus’ future is revealed. He now stays “out in the country,” and yet the people continue to come to him. Jesus now headquarters outside the synagogue, outside the established centers of society and commerce. Yet the people seek him out in his lonely places on the perimeters.
... does the man do? He does the exact opposite of what Jesus asks him to do. “Instead,” Mark tells us, “he went out and began to talk freely, spreading the news.” Now notice what follows, “As a result, Jesus could no longer enter a town openly but stayed outside in lonely places. Yet the people still came to him from everywhere.” Jesus could no longer enter a town openly! Here was his real mission to spread the good news of the coming kingdom, but his success as a healer stood in the way of what ...
4397. A Night to Slow Down and See
Mark 9:2-9
Illustration
King Duncan
... the large windows. After eating stew the men were ready for bed. But then they looked out those same windows. They were taken by surprise by what they saw. For one night only they had the best seats on the planet for nature's most spectacular show. They stayed up watching in delight and wonder. The scene faded away only with the rising of the sun. Both of them were left awed and exhausted. That morning Charles began to wonder if maybe the pilot left him on the mountain on purpose. Maybe the pilot sized them ...
... he is living, declares the reality of God’s new plan and purpose. When the Jews who witnessed Jesus’ rowdy righteousness demand he back up his actions with some sort of miraculous “sign,” his response is cryptic — but so unusual that it stayed in the minds and hearts of those who heard him: “Destroy this temple and in three days I will raise it up.” The final sacrifice, the destruction of death that would be accomplished by Christ’s resurrection, the possibility of a restored relationship ...
4399. It's A 12 Volt Volt System
John 12:24; Mark 2:22
Illustration
Philip W. McLarty
... automotive lesson for today. The reason I mention it is because, years ago, one of my best friends, frustrated with his wife's unwillingness to embrace new technology, railed out at her and said, "Pat, you're just a six-volt battery in a twelve-volt world." That accusation has stayed with me through the years. When something new is required do I remain in the old world? Am I a six-volt battery in a twelve-volt world? Are you?
4400. Deer camp
Humor Illustration
Four guys guys were at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Rocky, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Rocky and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot said, "Man, what happened to you?" He said, "Rocky snored so loudly, I just sat up ...