... and scars on both, but the scars are not from surgery. Here's what happened. Several years ago she scooped up her toddler son from the swimming pool and began to walk towards a lounge chair. As she stepped onto the tiled patio, her foot slipped on the wet slick surface. She was also seven months pregnant, and it was one of those moments where you feel like you’re moving in slow motion but there’s nothing you can do to stop the fall. Within a split second, she knew her momentum was toppling her forward ...
... experience for her, and she was feeling very insecure. So I moved her in with us. I figured if I just keep whistling when I’m outside the house, working on the lawn or whatever, she’ll know I’m still with her.” The world is desperate to wet its whistle on the cup salvation. It needs to drink the Living Water of Christ’s love. Will you start whistling? You won’t be just Whistling Dixie. You’ll be Whistling Jesus. COMMENTARY This week’s gospel text is really the second half of a longer unit ...
403. Unfair Grade
Humor Illustration
... reason for divorce? Marriage What is the main reason for failure? Exams What can you never eat for breakfast? Lunch & dinner What looks like half an apple? The other half If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? It will simply become wet How can a man go eight days without sleeping? No problem, he sleeps at night. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? You will never find an elephant that has only one hand.. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples ...
404. A Reputation Is Hard to Shake
Mark 6:1-13
Illustration
Steven Molin
Do you remember the stupid stuff you did when you were a kid? I'm not talking about wetting the bed or spilling your milk; I mean the things that you did in public, the things that were known in the community and, perhaps, even gave you a reputation. Maybe you were arrested for some prank, or you were kicked off the football team for drinking, or maybe, on ...
... . Our sense of smell is the physical sense most associated with memory. Smells, more than sounds, more than sights, more than touches, transport our minds and bodies back in time to an imprinted memory. Garlic brings you back to your grandmother’s kitchen. A wet woolen smell brings you back to the locker room — or to the terror of the day you fell in a frozen pond and almost drowned. Rising yeast smells like every Sunday dinner. Gasoline chokes you with memories of a car crash. Nothing evokes strong ...
... , or finally dies, and then they launch out on their own or with another formation to catch up with their original group. A farmer was out plowing his field one morning. A spring thaw had just occurred and there were many muddy valleys. Through one particularly wet place his tractor became stuck in the mud. The harder he tried, the deeper he became stuck. Finally, he walked over to his neighbor's to ask for help. The neighbor came over and looked at the situation. He shook his head, and then said, "It doesn ...
Psalm 30:1-12, John 21:1-19, Acts 9:1-6 (7-20), Revelation 5:11-14
Bulletin Aid
Julia Ross Strope
... we call God? The gospel of John is that delightful story of Jesus telling his friends to try fishing on the “right side.” Thinking about Earth Day, the sermon might explore “the right side” of the food chain, “the right side” of the wet lands, “the right side” of global trade practices, “the right side” of poverty, and so on. The question none of the friends of Jesus dared ask was “Who are you?” Are we also avoiding that question because we fear the consequences of acknowledging ...
... with nature, with the city, and with government. The first six verses of the lectionary psalm might lead the way into ecological issues: clean skies, fresh air, planet atmosphere, and awareness of nature at different places: North Pole, South Pole, Australia, desert, wet lands, and so on. Verses 7-14 suggest that good government honors justice more than profit, happiness more than wealth, and fairness more than personal power. Verses 12 and 13 speak of needing one another as well as self-reflection in order ...
409. Just to be fair about this...
Humor Illustration
... get there?" The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two." A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?" He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine." A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet. The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me." The blonde man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet." A ...
410. Centuries of Christian Rebukes
Mark 10:2-16
Illustration
Donald B. Strobe
... joy into the world." To which Groucho, always quick on the uptake replied, rather ungraciously, I think, "I want to thank you for taking so much out." He was ungracious, but he had a point. A lot of religious folk seem bent on bringing their wet blankets to every party. Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936), the American humorist who wrote thick dialect humor under the pseudonym of "Mr. Dooley" once said of Thanksgiving: "'Twas founded by th' Puritans to give thanks f'r being presarved from th' Indyans, an'...we ...
411. What Kids Hear When We Teach Them the Faith
Mark 10:13-16
Illustration
Erskine White
... his demolition squad to put some explosives under the bridge. As soon as the bridge was done, the Israelites crossed over on it. When Pharaoh's soldiers started crossing the bridge, Moses gave the order to blow it up. But do you know what? The dynamite was wet and it didn't work! So Moses issued an emergency call for air support and they came just in time to blow up the bridge. Pharaoh's army was drowned and the Israelites were saved. The mother was getting increasingly horrified as her son told this story ...
... child speaks. Next thing they know, however, Mom and Dad are being grilled by junior or missy who have discovered the all important “Why?” question. There are the science questions — “Why is the sky blue?” “Why does the wind blow?” “Why is water wet?” “Where exactly in our bodies are we located?” There are the personal questions — “Why do I have to go to bed?” “Why do I have to eat my vegetables?” “Why do I have to wear a coat?” There are relational questions — “Why ...
Matthew 5:40, 43-44, Colossians 1:15, 16-19, Matthew 5:3, 6, 11
Sermon
Scott Suskovic
... just puzzle the people, he infuriated them. Second, it isn't that nice! It means you have no intention of taking it to heart. Jesus was just throwing out Hallmark™ card platitudes to the poor people, "God bless you." To those whose faces were wet with tears, Jesus comforted them, "Count your blessings." But we don't really believe it, do we? Philip Yancey wrote that he and about a dozen evangelicals were invited to breakfast with President Clinton. Clinton was low in the polls with conservative Christians ...
... It is simply doing for Jesus. We must realize that the symbol of Christianity is not a beautifully polished cross, but a lopsided, crude, splintery cross over which is draped a towel - not the lush, plush kind of towel we buy for our guest bathroom, but a dirty old rag, wet with the sweat and dirt of men's feet. - Norman Schouten[6] Just a year before the death of A.W. Tozer, he was asked to speak at a conference of ministers on any subject he chose. God's holiness was the subject and he is quoted as saying ...
Our lesson for this First Sunday after Epiphany is the baptism of Jesus. Speaking of baptism, I understand that it was so dry in Texas this past summer that the Baptists were starting to baptize by sprinkling, the Methodists were using wet-wipes, the Presbyterians were giving out rain-checks, and the Catholics were praying for the wine to turn back into water. Now that’s dry! We are in our series of messages on “Discovering God.” One place we discover God most powerfully is in remembering our baptism ...
... replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.” “You have judged correctly,” Jesus said. Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You didn’t give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You didn’t give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You didn’t put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I ...
... (your heart in the kitchen), your head confident (your head in the sky), and your hands courageous (your hands in the dirt). The Pearly Gates quiz? I’ll start with 2 possible questions, and invite you to add your own: 1) Show me your hands. Are they dirty and wet? Or did you keep your hands clean? The sign of a clean heart is dirty hands. 2) Show me your scars. Do you have any battle-scars from our mission sorties in the world? Tell me your scar stories. In the words of the world’s greatest living ...
... so cute sneaking downstairs in his pajamas to eat contraband ice cream at midnight. Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the chimney and come in and dry off by the fire so you don’t catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table, but don’t eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet. Yours Always, Mom P.S. One more thing: You can cancel all ...
... oil should be mixed with ashes first. Frantically racing to the church kitchen, Carl searched everywhere for olive oil or any kind of oil… but to no avail. Seeing the water fountain, Carl thought, “Oh, what difference does it make anyway… as long as the ashes are wet.” Well, the story of that Ash Wednesday many years ago is still told in Carl’s first parish. You see, the difference between a mixture of olive oil and ashes and a mixture of water and ashes of palm is a painful and caustic difference ...
... give birth to 100 billion red cells every day When we touch something we send a message to our brain at 124 MPH (for those of us who are A.D.D. - that sounds a tad slow!) We are about 70% water (that is why most of us are all wet!) Our nose is our personal air-conditioning system: it warms cold air, cools hot air and filters impurities. In one square inch of our hand, we have nine feet of blood vessels and 600 pain sensors, 9000 nerve endings, 36 heat sensors and 75 pressure sensors. We have copper, zinc ...
... Jesus is asking a man who had not slept all night, hadn’t caught one thing, who had just finished washing his net of the dirt, the debris, the trash and the garbage that simply tangles a net, to beach the boat, load a 1000 pounds of wet- nets, row out to deep water in broad daylight and catch fish that won’t even be there. Peter expected Jesus to say something like this, “Forgive me for being so insensitive. Just forget the whole thing. Pretend this conversation didn’t happen.” Instead, Jesus just ...
... one of his books tells about a pilot in Ecuador with the Wycliffe Bible Translators who was in a plane crash. It was a crash that could have been avoided. This pilot was flying a Cessna 206. The wheels of his heavily loaded plane had barely left the wet jungle airstrip when a passenger, sitting in the co-pilot’s seat, panicked. The pilot had the throttle pushed all the way to the firewall. He had done this many times before and was confident he would clear the huge trees towering at the end of the little ...
... not give, or not evangelize (tag), is called "slactivism." In contrast to "activism," where you participate in doing good by exerting effort and investing time, "slactivists" give only token support by "liking" something on Facebook, sharing a video, or getting wet, thereby feeling good about doing something but without doing anything to actually improve the problem. There are a lot of slactivists out there. Fourth, the "P" in EPIC, personal participation, was in large caps in the "Ice Bucket Challenge." In ...
... started to snow. Fiddler’s wife got in the front seat, and her mother got in the back. And just as they were about to drive away, the two large men reappeared by the car. They had only their sleeveless denim jackets, and their hair and arms were wet with snow. They said that they were visiting from out of town, that the friend who had driven them to church hadn’t returned to pick them up, and they couldn’t remember how to get back to his house. Looking at their cold plight, and feeling an irresistible ...
... . “Oh, I don’t know,” Eliot said as he became enchanted by the problem. “Go over to her shack, I guess. Sprinkle some water on the babies, (and) say, ‘Hello babies. Welcome to earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It is round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you’ve got about a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of, babies: Darn it, you’ve got to be kind.” Sorry, Mr. Vonnegut. Baptism is so much more than “you gotta be kind.” It’s an ...