Have you ever received a gift you were not sure you knew what to do with? I suspect we all have. Garish ties that you would not be caught dead in...rank perfumes or colognes that you would not wear for fear of dropping everyone in the room into a faint...horrible pictures from some rich, ugly old relative that are suitable only for the attic. There are some gifts we do not know how to handle. Now, let me change the subject for a moment. Let's talk about FIRE. Fire is fascinating. Little children say they ...
There is a well-known and widely practiced tactic in sports and in life known as "messing with your opponent's mind." They tell us that one of the most adept practitioners of this art was Dizzy Dean, the great St. Louis Cardinals pitcher of years ago. One day the New York Giants put runners on first and second with two out, and Dean intentionally walked Hughie Critz to load the bases. It seemed like a dumb move as the dreaded Bill Terry, the last National Leaguer ever to hit .400, was next up. But Dean ...
There is an Israeli folktale about a king named Shah Abbas who wanted to get to know his subjects. At night he would dress himself as a monk and go out to the poor part of town to see how these people lived. One day the disguised king came to a simple hut, where he met a cobbler. The cobbler was a poor man who was just barely able to support himself, but he praised God mightily, even in his lowly circumstances. The king was impressed but he did a curious thing. The king issued a decree that no one could ...
We have scarcely had time to savor Thanksgiving . . . .the delicious turkey and dressing . . . .the football contest on television . . . .reunion with family and friends . . . .the brisk cold of an autumn afternoon and the glow and warmth of a fire. For the children the coming of Christmas has always signaled a flood of expectation. Santa Claus is already setting up his listening post at shopping centers across our town. Some may complain about the over-commercialization of Christmas, but not me. I love to ...
In the late 1800s in the mountains of East Tennessee, there was a famous moonshiner know as Big Haley. The woman's real name was Mahala Mullins, but since she weighed somewhere around 500 pounds, "Big Haley" was not an inappropriate name. Big Haley and her sons ran a reliable operation. They were renowned for the quality of their product. They didn't dilute their moonshine and they were known to deal honestly. That fact, coupled with the problems implicit in arresting a mountain clan, caused local ...
It is not easy being a father. One cynic, speaking from his own experience, noted that children go through four fascinating stages. First they call you DaDa. Then they call you Daddy. As they mature they call you Dad. Finally they call you collect. Today we salute fathers. Dads, we love you. The role of a Christian father is more important in today's world than ever before. It is a different roll than in earlier generations. In most households today Dad is called upon to play more of a nurturing role in ...
You may not know it, but years ago Nikita Kruschev, John F. Kennedy and Golda Meir had a summit meeting with God. Each of them was allowed to ask one question. "God," asked Nikita Kruschev, "do you think the U.S. and Russia will ever have peace?" "Yes," answered God, "but not in your lifetime." Then Kennedy spoke. "God, do you think there will be peace between blacks and whites in our land and around the world?" "Yes," replied God, "but not in your lifetime." Then it was the Israeli leader's turn. "God," ...
We Americans are suckers for the underdog. We ought to appreciate the story of Samuel Logan Brengle. Brengle gave up an opportunity to pastor one of the largest churches in Mid-America in order to join the ranks of the Salvation Army when that organization was just getting established in the United States. One of his early assignments was in Danbury, Connecticut, where Brengle’s entire congregation often numbered less than a dozen people. Determined to reach Danbury with the Gospel, each evening Brengle ...
Bob Morely was a counselor for a senior high summer camp in California. One summer Bob was between regular jobs, and was therefore rather short of cash. Word of his situation spread around camp, and the campers took up a special collection and raised a hundred dollars which they presented to him. Now the camp had a tradition of having a farewell party on the last day, Friday night. The youth would usually pool their money together, and one of the counselors would go to town and purchase snack food for them ...
"Grandfather's Corner," is the story of an old man who lived with his son and his son's wife and children. The man was almost deaf and blind and had difficulty eating without spilling his food. Occasionally, he would drop a bowl and break it. His son and his wife thought it was disgusting and made the old man eat in a corner behind the stove. They gave him a wooden bowl which could not be broken. One day the old man's little grandson was working with some pieces of wood. When his father asked what he was ...
Humorist Lewis Grizzard writes about a man in his hometown named Luther Gilroy. Luther claimed he was out plowing his field and saw a sign in the sky that said THE END IS NEAR. So Luther let his mule and his cow out of their pens, gave all his chickens away, and climbed on top of his house to await the end. When it didn't come, he pouted and refused to come down off the roof. Finally, his wife called the deputy sheriff, who came over and said, "Luther, you idiot, I saw that same sign. It didn't say, `The ...
A man stopped by a computer store where he'd recently purchased a personal computer. "I have a question about a computer I bought here the other day," he said to a salesman who greeted him enthusiastically. "What kind did you buy?" the salesman asked. "A Crimean Extravaganza 1900," said the customer. "Wow! That's a nice computer," exclaimed the salesman. "It has a 100 megahertz pentium processor, 16 megabytes of ram, a 256 kilobyte pipeline burst cache. It has PCI 64-bit video and a 1.2 gigabyte hard drive ...
In August 1989 then President George Bush took his family to their summer home in Kennebunkport, Maine, for a nineteen-day summer vacation. No sooner had he arrived than he hopped into his twenty-eight-foot fishing boat, FIDELITY, confident he'd catch some bluefish as he had so many other times before. He didn't mind that a flotilla of press boats was following him to record every moment of his expected angling successes. However, Bush didn't catch a fish that day . . . or the next day . . . or the next ...
A nationally known minister of the Gospel was involved in a question/answer session. He was on stage with several prominent church leaders in front of a large audience made up of pastors and lay persons. The minister had just responded to a question from one of the other leaders on the panel when he was shocked to see someone rise in the audience. The person who stood up seemed to be out of place. Actually this person was a friend from the minister's past whom he had not seen since he had professed his ...
In the movie, THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION, you get an idea of what it might be like to spend the rest of your life behind bars; forever watched, hardly ever time to be alone, except in the rare instance that you might have a small individual cell to yourself in the evening, where when the lights are turned out for sleep, you cannot even turn on a light. You have plenty of time to think; prisoners have a difficult time sleeping. Life becomes routine; you are told when to rise and when to lie down; when your ...
Our Jewish friends are wonderful story tellers and they do not mind making fun of themselves. Here are two samples: During a service at an old synagogue in Eastern Europe, when the Shema prayer was said, half the congregregants stood up and half remained sitting. The half that was seated started yelling at those standing to sit down, and the ones standing yelled at the ones sitting to stand up. The rabbi, educated as he was in the Law and commentaries, didn't know what to do. His congregation suggested ...
There was a man who did not feel well for an extended period of time. His pastor suggested he go to a certain internist who was good at making accurate diagnoses. The doctor examined this man and ordered a variety of tests. The doctor was concerned about the man's heart, and how the health of his entire body was affected by his heart. The man's arteries were clogged. The man had been overweight for some time, and he was always under stress. He allowed good health to deteriorate into bad health. The doctor ...
Some of you may be campers. Summertime means adventures in the great outdoors. One thing I've discovered is that camping isn't for everyone. Reed Glenn of the Daily Camera in Boulder, Colorado compiled a list of comments received by the US Forest Service from back packers and campers: "Too many bugs and leeches and spiders," wrote one unhappy camper. "Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests." Another wrote, "A McDonald's would be nice at trail head." And one more adventurer wrote, "The ...
You have probably seen somewhere along the way a list of some of the more colorful excuses parents have written to their children's teachers: For example, one parent wrote: "My son is under the doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him." Or the note from this parent who appears to have taken drastic action herself: "Please excuse Mary for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot." Or my favorite: "Please excuse Fred for being. It was his father's fault." Some unknown wit has ...
Not everything in life can be accepted at face value. Sometimes we are fooled. For example, one of the best-known sites in New York City is named Trump Tower. Trump Tower is named, of course, after successful realtor and self-promoter extra ordinaire, Donald Trump. Located in mid-Manhattan this spectacular building is 68 stories tall, according to most reference sources. At least that's what the books say. And, in fact, there is a button for the 68th floor in the elevator. Pushing that button takes you to ...
In a recent story in The Washington Times, First Lady Laura Bush recalled a visit with her husband to the home of his parents, the former president and Mrs. Bush. According to Laura Bush, on this visit her husband, the most powerful man on earth, woke up at 6:00 a.m. as usual and went downstairs to get a cup of coffee. As he sat down on the sofa, he put his feet up on the coffee table. All of a sudden, his mother yelled out, "Put your feet down!" His father said, "For goodness' sake, Barbara, he's the ...
Have you ever noticed that no matter what you do, you can't please everybody? Somebody, somewhere is going to criticize your best efforts. Former president John F. Kennedy once told about a legendary baseball player who always played flawlessly. He consistently hit and was never thrown out at first base. When on base he never failed to score. He never dropped a ball and threw with unerring accuracy. He ran quickly and played perfectly. Actually, he would have been one of the all-time greats except for one ...
Series: Jesus said . . . What? Outrageous Teachings, No. 2 Barbara Bennett of Vancouver, Washington, wanted to sell an old Brothers' sewing machine. So she took out an ad in her local paper's classified section. But when the ad appeared, it read simply "Brother for sale" instead. Worse yet, the ad appeared in the "Items under $50" section. There were actually a couple of calls inquiring about the ad. One wanted to haggle over the price. The other caller hung up when he or she learned that there was not a ...
In the late 1800s in the mountains of East Tennessee, there was a famous moonshiner know as Big Haley. The woman's real name was Mahala Mullins, but since she weighed somewhere around 500 pounds, "Big Haley" was not an inappropriate name. Big Haley and her sons ran a reliable operation. They were renowned for the quality of their product. They didn't dilute their moonshine and were known to deal honestly. That fact, coupled with the problems of arresting a mountain clan, caused local government officials ...
When business guru Guy Kawasaki and his wife had their first child, they were determined to be politically and environmentally correct. They were going to use cotton diapers and wash them themselves. Two weeks went by. Doing your own cotton diapers, they discovered, doesn't cut it. They didn't want to wash the diapers with their stuff so they found that either their house stank or they felt guilty for doing lots of small loads. So they went to a cotton diaper service. They discovered this doesn't work well ...