Rupert had made the mistake of sitting on a tack, and now he was in great pain. He called his neighbor, the sociologist, for some help. The sociologist told him, "Pain comes from living in an unhealthy environment. You obviously came from a bad environment, and it is causing you to suffer like this." Rupert considered this, but it didn't make the hurt go away, so next he called a psychologist. The psychologist said, "It's obvious that you need group therapy. You had a horrible childhood, and you just need ...
Sheep sometimes have a reputation for being passive and helpless. “Gentle as a lamb,” we say. Well, maybe . . . maybe not. Reuters News Service told of an Egyptian man who had been pushed to his death from a three‑story building by a sheep that he was preparing for slaughter. The report noted that many Egyptian city dwellers keep livestock on their rooftops. This particular city dweller had been fattening the sheep in question for months getting it ready for a ritual sacrifice. Before that could happen, ...
A traditional accounting of the number of “senses” the human body registers is five: sight, sound, touch, taste and smell. We now know there are between 9 and 21 actual senses, depending on who’s counting. But still there are five main ones, and two biggies in the five: sight and sound. Even those of us with poor vision and tin ears still rely heavily on sight and sound to get around. Taste and touch are less obviously used, but absolutely necessary. Our sense of touch keeps us from absent-mindedly leaning ...
2904. When We Are Reborn
Mark 1:4-11
Illustration
King Duncan
Author Marianne Williamson shares a conversation she had with a young man named Andrew. In his first year of high school, Andrew had acted like a self-described "jerk" and a "total loser." He treated people badly. Then, he moved to a different high school for a couple of years. Now, he dreaded returning to his old high school for his final year. He knew how people remembered him. They would treat him like the old Andrew. But he wasn't that guy anymore; he had matured and had a new perspective on his life. ...
2905. Paraprosdokian Sentences
Humor Illustration
A paraprosdokian sentence consists of two parts: the first is a figure of speech, and the second an intriguing variation of the first. They are typically used for humorous or dramatic effect. Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than sitting in a garage makes you a car. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong. We never really grow ...
There is a small poem that is often quoted in Christian Bible studies that goes like this: How odd/ Of God/ To choose/ The Jews. Jews often use the word Goyim to refer to non-Jews. And so an unknown Jew with a biting wit responded to “How odd / Of God/ To choose/ The Jews” by writing these words: “Not odd / Of God / Goyim / Annoy 'im.” I cite these little bits of creative poetry strictly in fun. Our Jewish friends are generally delightful people, and they have contributed to the advance of civilization far ...
“Practice what you preach.” That old saw is usually trotted out when some high profile “holier‑than‑thou” type has their wings clipped and their reputation riddled with holes. Or a “sterling” character is revealed to have feet of crumbling clay. But there is one big problem with “practice what you preach.” It all depends on what it is you are “preaching.” When some convictions are put into action the results can be catastrophic or cruel, insidious or just plain evil. Mother Teresa practiced what she ...
Karen Fair tells about her three-year-old daughter, Abby, who was having trouble sleeping through the night. She kept waking up because she was afraid. Each time Karen tucked her into bed again, she would remind her that Jesus was with her and that He would keep her safe. The sleepless nights continued, with Abby seeking comfort in her parents’ bedroom. Finally, one night Karen asked her daughter if she had prayed for Jesus to take her fear away and help her fall asleep. “Oh yes,” Abby assured her. “He ...
The golf course was crowded with golfers one pleasant fall morning. Bob was standing in front of a tee preparing to swing at his ball. He visualized hitting a beautiful shot that would carry hundreds of yards. As he was standing there lost in his thoughts, an announcement came over the public address system: “Would the gentleman standing at the women’s tee please back up to the men’s tee?” Bob ignored the announcement. He continued his pre-shot routine. Again, the announcement came across the PA system: “ ...
2910. Stop Carrying the Anvil
Mk 6:1-13
Illustration
Maxie Dunnam
My friend, and mentor, the great Quaker Douglas V. Steer, tells a story that comes out of Maine. A short in stature young blacksmith in a small town fell in love with a tall local girl, but he was so short that he was too bashful to tell her. One day she came into the smithy to call for a tea kettle that he had fixed for her and she had thanked him so nicely that he suddenly found courage to ask her to marry him. She consented and he got up on the anvil and put his arms around her and sealed it with a kiss ...
Southeast Asia is hot. The economies of its countries are sizzling, especially Viet Nam and Indonesia, with the highest growth rates of almost anywhere on the planet. Investors and tourists from all over the world are flooding both countries. Of course, Bali, Indonesia, is where everyone wants to go. But if I could go anywhere in Southeast Asia, it would be the island of Sumatra. Why Sumatra? Because this island is the archipelago of 17,000 islands known as “Indonesia” is where the “manna” of that country ...
Tradition is defined as an inherited, established, or customary pattern of thought or action. Take for instance a cooking method. Sarah asked her mother, "Why do you always cut the turkey in half and put it in two small roasters?" "Because my mother always did. It's a tradition handed down through our family," responded her mother. "But Mom, did you ever think they didn't have big roasters back then?" Tradition — a customary pattern or action. But who said traditions can't be changed? A family tradition ...
I'm ashamed to say that too often I behave like the guy laying in bed with his family refusing to get up to give loaves of bread to his friend. I wish it were otherwise, but the truth is the truth. And where better to tell the truth but in church? My life, much of the time, is all tucked in nice and warm. My doors are bolted shut. My children are sound asleep. The worries and cares of the day are well behind me. Each of my children has already been up for the obligatory glass of water and trip to the ...
On the way to Jerusalem Jesus was going through the region between Samaria and Galilee. As he entered a village, ten lepers approached him. Keeping their distance, they called out, saying, "Jesus, Master, have mercy on us!" When he saw them, he said to them, "Go and show yourselves to the priests." And as they went, they were made clean. Then one of them, when he saw that he was healed, turned back, praising God with a loud voice. He prostrated himself at Jesus' feet and thanked him. And he was a ...
If you were to ask a group of people to take pencil and paper and sketch a portrait of an Old Testament prophet, many of them would come up with remarkably similar visions: an old gentleman of fierce demeanor with a long, unkempt, grey beard, dressed in flowing robes of coarse material, and perhaps with a gnarled wooden staff in his hand. It would probably look like Charlton Heston playing Moses in The Ten Commandments. That would not be a bad picture. It would be fairly representative, but only "fairly" ...
Why did Judas do it? Was it the money, the thirty pieces of silver? He did have a reputation for dipping into the poor box from time to time (John 12:6), so the cash may have been part of it. But thirty pieces of silver was not that much, and he returned it after the deed was done anyway. If, like the other disciples, he was perennially worried about where he stood in the pecking order, he may also have been reacting to some imagined slight. After all, he was the only one of the twelve who was not a ...
Praise the Lord. Sing to the Lord a new song, his praise in the assembly of the saints ... the Lord takes delight in his people; he crowns the humble with salvation. Let the saints rejoice in this honor and sing for joy on their beds ... This is the glory of all his saints. Praise the Lord. - Psalm 149:1, 4-5, 9 (emphasis mine) Three times we find the word "saints" in this brief psalm (at least in the venerable King James Version and the more modern New International Version - the New Revised Standard ...
I used to wish I were tall. All the other children were bigger. They were stronger ... faster. I was a shrimp ... and it used to bother me. I used to lie in my bed at night wishing that I was the biggest kid in town. Then nobody would push me around. None of the other children could beat me up. None of them could ever call Zacchaeus names (at least not if they wanted to keep their teeth in). None of them would ever give me any trouble again. Yeah, I wanted to be tall, but.... As time went along, of course ...
2919. Competitive Kids
Mark 10:35-45
Illustration
Erskine White
Do we learn from children how not to be so competitive - how to be happy with our own gifts and achievements and not to be so obsessed with what the next person has? Well, consider the plight of poor Charlie Brown (in Peanuts), who is walking with his friends on the way to school one morning. It is "show and tell day," and Lucy is asking Linus if he remembered to bring anything for the class to see. "Yes, I did," says Linus, as he unfolds some papers. "These are copies I drew of the Dead Sea Scrolls," ...
Psalm 107:1-9, 43, Hosea 11:1-11, Luke 12:13-21, Colossians 3:1-11
Bulletin Aid
Julia Ross Strope
Call To Worship Leader: This is a good place to be this morning. The world goes on around us while we are in sanctuary. Here, together, we know that evil and good exist in our global village yet we choose to rest a while, giving our psyches and bodies a chance to be tranquil. People: Sometimes we feel like the philosopher in the biblical essay, “Ecclesiastes,” thinking that “everything is useless.” We work hard and have little to show for it. The sun rises and sets; the wind blows round and round; rivers ...
Mora Naba, a Mossi emperor in Burkina Faso, had conquered a powerful ethnic group in the south called the Kaesena. He extracted tribute from them once each year. One year, at tribute collecting time, the emperor made the mistake of sending his son, Nabiiga, a prince and his heir apparent. When the Kaesena saw Nabiiga with only a very small entourage of guardians, they overpowered the group and took the prince hostage. His kingly robes were stripped from him, and he was forced to walk around in only a ...
Mora Naba, a Mossi emperor in Burkina Faso, had conquered a powerful ethnic group in the south called the Kaesena. He extracted tribute from them once each year. One year, at tribute collecting time, the emperor made the mistake of sending his son, Nabiiga, a prince and his heir apparent. When the Kaesena saw Nabiiga with only a very small entourage of guardians, they overpowered the group and took the prince hostage. His kingly robes were stripped from him, and he was forced to walk around in only a ...
In a scene from the romantic comedy, ‘While You Were Sleeping', "Ox" Callaghan is waxing eloquent at the breakfast table one morning about those rare moments in life when everything seems to be going just right and falling into place. "In that one minute," he says, "you have peace." But his son, Jack, who is Ox's partner in the family business, has finally decided it is time to break the news to his dad that he wants out to start his own business, and so he bursts his father's bubble, saying, "Pop, this ...
It can be really depressing to listen to the news anymore. It doesn't matter which network you watch, everywhere you turn it's the same old bad news: natural and manmade disasters, the continuing conflicts in the Middle East and in Iraq and Afghanistan, medical miscues, entertainers gone wild and self-destructive, sports heroes disappointing us. Then there's a federal government that often seems to be, at best, incompetent or, at worst, corrupt. What makes it even more depressing is that at least 51% of ...
It is the heart of Little League season, those spring days when children get their first experience of playing on a team, of learning about the rules of play, and of listening to and heeding their coach. Do you remember that first voice spoken into your ear as you stood at home plate, gripping the bat like a lifeline, waiting for that first pitch? Unlike the actual game, when coaches call out from the sidelines, in a baseball batting practice the coach is right behind the Little Leaguer — squaring their ...