For the past twenty years or so, a team of nutritionists and home economists on Butterball Turkey's Turkey Talk-Line have answered every conceivable question about how to cook a holiday turkey to perfection. One woman called to find out how long it would take to roast her turkey. To answer the question, the Talk-Line home economist asked how much the bird weighed. The woman responded, “I don't know, it's still running around outside." Leadership magazine had a story sometime back about a lady who was ...
There was a church where the pastor and the minister of music were not getting along. As time went by, this began to spill over into the worship service. The first week the pastor preached on commitment and how we all should dedicate ourselves to the service of God. The music director led the song, "I Shall Not Be Moved." The second week the pastor preached on tithing and how we all should gladly give to the work of the Lord. The director led the song, "Jesus Paid it All." The third week the pastor ...
Object: a smoke detector with battery (might want to test it beforehand) Good morning, boys and girls. How many of you have seen one of these around your house? Can you tell me what it is? That's right, it's a smoke detector. A smoke detector can sense if there is smoke in the air. Usually, if there is smoke in the air then that means there is a fire nearby. And a fire can be a very dangerous thing. So we keep smoke detectors around the house to let us know if there is a fire starting somewhere. If smoke ...
Object: None or make a #1 out of Fun foam or card stock for each child. Sometimes you can find a "#1" as a key ring or novelty. Once upon a time there was a man who asked his son to mow the yard. His son said, "Sure, Dad, I'll be happy to do that for you." The man went to work and the son got involved in video games and completely forgot his promise to his Dad. The next day the same father asked his other son to mow the yard and he said, "No, way, I have things to do today!" The father went to work and the ...
Last year, newspapers around the world carried the story of Eric Abbott, a British sailor who makes a habit of getting lost. On August 10, 2000, the British coast guard rescued Eric Abbott for the sixth time after he sailed off course and ran aground. You would think after all these mishaps, he would give up sailing. No way. Abbott plans on hitting the water again soon. Some would admire Abbott for saying that he won't give up sailing. The members of the British coast guard don't share that admiration. It ...
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. “The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 p.m. for 20 cents. I continued this system for a ...
L. Frank Baum, author of The Wizard of Oz, had finished the outline to his famous book, but he hadn't come up with the name of the enchanted land where Dorothy, the Tin Man, Scarecrow, and the Cowardly Lion sought the help of the Wizard. As he gathered up his files, Baum's eyes fell upon a drawer in his filing cabinet marked, "O-Z." And thus he came up with a land called "Oz." There's nothing peculiar about Peculiar, Missouri, Frank Gallant learned in researching a book about unusual American place-names. ...
(Mother's Day) Some of you were born in The Fifties. Eisenhower. The Cold War. Fallout shelters. Opportunity abounding. Hula Hoops. Drive-in movies. Ozzie and Harriet. These were The Fifties, an easily definable segment of time commencing January 1, 1950, ending as midnight closed the books on December 31, 1959. Then, The Sixties. Another readily recognizable ten-year block of time. Vietnam. War protestors. Hippies. Assassinations. JFK. Dealey Plaza. Texas School Book Depository. Martin Luther King. ...
At this time of year, many children have already written, or are just sitting down to write, their letters to Santa. It's exciting trying to fit all your wishes into one well-worded little note. Maybe it would sound something like these letters: Dear Santa, Please give me a doll this year. I would like her to eat, walk, do my homework, and help me clean my room. Thank you, Jenny. Dear Santa, Thanks for the race car last year. Can I have another one, only this time one that is faster than my best friend's ...
We live in a crazy world. There was an article sometime back in The Smithsonian magazine about Barbie Dolls. How many of you have ever owned a Barbie Doll? What? None of our men? Ever since Barbie made her debut on toy store shelves, she has been accused of creating self-esteem problems in teenage girls. You might remember one cynic's estimate that if Barbie were a real woman, she'd have to walk on all fours due to her proportions. The male equivalent of the Barbie Doll, according to some people, is the ...
Jim French and a friend stopped for dinner at a Chinese restaurant. The meal was delicious, and French asked the waiter if he could have the recipe. The waiter was quick to oblige. A few minutes later, he returned from the kitchen with a piece of paper. All parties were satisfied. Until Jim French unfolded the paper. The recipe was written in Chinese. (1) This is not what Jim expected. That's like a "Peanuts" cartoon from years ago. In the first panel Charlie Brown says, "I learned something in school ...
The December 11, 2002, online issue of Forbes magazine carried the story of a family feud in one of the richest families in America. The Pritzker family of Chicago owns the Hyatt hotel chain. They also own many other businesses, including cruise lines, railroads, and banks. In 2002, 18-year-old Liesel Pritzker sued her father and other family members, claiming that they drained her trust fund of more than $1 billion. Because of their mismanagement, Liesel claims, her inheritance has been greatly reduced. ...
Not everything in life can be accepted at face value. Sometimes we are fooled. For example, one of the best-known sites in New York City is named Trump Tower. Trump Tower is named, of course, after successful realtor and self-promoter extra ordinaire, Donald Trump. Located in mid-Manhattan this spectacular building is 68 stories tall, according to most reference sources. At least that's what the books say. And, in fact, there is a button for the 68th floor in the elevator. Pushing that button takes you to ...
Author Charles Swindoll, in his book Come Before Winter, tells a wonderful story that you parents of small children will appreciate. The Swindoll family had just sat down to dinner. Charles suggested to his six-year-old son, Curtis, that he serve his four-year-old sister, Charissa, first. Curtis took the platter of chicken and placed it before his little sister, gallantly asking, "Which piece would you like?" Charissa replied, "I'd like the foot." Curtis explained that they didn't eat the foot, and he ...
Many of us can sympathize with a man in Vancouver, Wash., who was ready to decorate his house for Christmas. Unfortunately, when the lights were put away the year before, they were simply tossed into the garage with no attempt to store them so they wouldn't tangle. And so he began one of life's most arduous tasks--untangling Christmas tree lights. As he was trying to untangle them in the driveway, his daughter arrived home in the family car and promptly drove over them. This brought this man to the ...
Passion/Palm Sunday Everybody loves a parade or a celebration. Everyone loves to be part of something big and exciting. Early in Frank Sinatra's career, George Evans, his publicist, used some slick tricks to get Sinatra extra publicity. Evans hired teenage girls to hang around outside the club where Sinatra was singing. They were paid to scream out his name and "swoon." He even arranged for an ambulance to park outside the club. The faked hysterics worked; crowds packed the club to hear this fabulous new ...
The world's greatest detective, Sherlock Holmes, and his faithful companion, Dr. Watson, were on a camping trip. They were in their sleeping bags looking up at the sky. Holmes said, "Watson, look up. What do you see?" Watson answered, "Well, I see thousands of stars." "And what does that mean to you?" Holmes inquired. "Well," said Watson, "I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow." Watson paused for a moment and then asked, "What does it mean to you, Holmes?" "To me," said Holmes somberly, " ...
With the war in Iraq having been successfully concluded, Americans are beginning to focus once again on the economy. Corporate scandals, a sagging stock market and rising unemployment seem to be on everyone's mind. I can sympathize with that. It's like the pollster who was taking a survey of how much of people's income goes to different kinds of spending. The person being interviewed said, "I spend 40 percent of my income on housing, 20 percent on clothing, 40 percent on food, and 20 percent on ...
It seems that we receive good news on the medical front almost every day. Did you know that fewer men are dying of heart attacks today, particularly young men? It appears that our concerns about exercise, diet, and cigarette smoking are beginning to pay off. I know that there are some of us will never give up our bad habits. We identify with Robert Maynard Hutchins who wrote: "I never run when I can walk. I never walk when I can stand still. I never stand when I can sit down. I never sit when I can lie ...
I understand there is an organization in Hollywood, CA called The Holy Ghost Repair Service, Incorporated. And no, they aren't in the business of repairing shoes, watches, or automobiles. On their stationary they state as their purpose "repairing broken lives for Jesus . . . in the power of his Spirit." We may express it a little less colorfully, but that is our church's purpose as well"” "repairing broken lives for Jesus in the power of his Spirit." Some of us know what it is to have broken lives. There ...
Someone has made a list of the TOP 10 THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR A DAD SAY: 10. Well, how 'bout that? I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions. 9. You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun? 8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain hostile attitude. I like that. 7. Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car. GO CRAZY!! 6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating's not good enough for you, son? 5 ...
When business guru Guy Kawasaki and his wife had their first child, they were determined to be politically and environmentally correct. They were going to use cotton diapers and wash them themselves. Two weeks went by. Doing your own cotton diapers, they discovered, doesn't cut it. They didn't want to wash the diapers with their stuff so they found that either their house stank or they felt guilty for doing lots of small loads. So they went to a cotton diaper service. They discovered this doesn't work well ...
Have you ever noticed that men like to make jokes about marriage? For example, there's a story about a man sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him. "Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's going on?" Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My wife just ran off with my ...
I believe that every one of us can identify with St. Paul when he cries out in anguish that the good that he would do, he does not; and the evil that he would not do, he does. You might even be tempted to say, "He sounds a lot like me!" We all have good intentions. But we also know where the road that's paved with good intentions leads to! One pastor tells about a man who borrowed a book from an acquaintance. When he read it, he was intrigued to find parts of the book underlined, with the letters YBH in ...
Series on the Book of Job, #1 This dramatic reading takes place in two seemingly different spheres. The Reader (most likely the pastor) stands behind the pulpit. The Reader needs to read these passages from the Bible, so that the congregation realizes that the scene has shifted back to the story of Job each time. The other readers Male 1, Male 2, Female 1, Female 2, and Female 3 are off to the side of the pulpit. They are seated in folding chairs placed in a semicircle facing the congregation. The ...