A young boy, on an errand for his mother, had just bought a dozen eggs. Walking out of the store, he tripped and dropped the sack. All the eggs broke, and the sidewalk was a mess. The boy tried not to cry. A few people gathered to see if he was OK and to tell him how sorry they were. In the midst of the works of pity, one man handed the boy a dollar. Then he turned to the group and said, "I care dollars worth. How much do the rest of you care?"
2552. Half To The Church
Humor Illustration
... would go and break the news quietly to the man. The preacher went, and gradually led up to the question. The preacher asked the patient what he would do if he inherited a million dollars. He said, "I think I would give half of it to the church." The preacher dropped dead.
... the ability for a child to dance unheeded in the wind lost to the cares of the world. To A Child Dancing in The Wind Dance there upon the shore; What need have you to care For wind or water's roar? And tumble out your hair That the salt drops have wet; Being young you have not known The fool's triumph, nor yet Love lost as soon as won, Nor the best labourer dead And all the sheaves to bind. What need have you to dread The monstrous crying of wind! William Butler Yeats (1865-1939) Begin a Christian ...
... if all communities — even, or especially, those where there is so much blood being shed against one another, so much violence flowing out of their lives — imagine if all communities had a public spot designated for the stop-and-think chair. You’ve heard of stop, drop, and roll in a fire? How about stop, think, and pray in a conflict? You don’t have to be humiliated with a dunce cap; just stop and think. When we allow for a moment of reflection, it often provides enough space for consideration of ...
... her quarter in the offering plate one Sunday. Amanda’s parents were trying to teach her to be a faithful and cheerful giver. But Amanda wasn’t having any of it! Her parents were embarrassed that they had to pry the quarter out of her little hand and drop it into the offering plate. Later that afternoon, Amanda’s mom heard her playing on the backyard swing. Every time Amanda got the swing up to its highest point on the swing set, she would shout at the sky, “God, I want my quarter back! God, I want ...
... argue with the Christians he met. He studied the Bible so he could debate them. He tried hard to convince his Christian classmates and professors that their faith was a big joke. Everything changed for Sam in his junior year. He ran out of money and had to drop out of school. His girlfriend broke up with him. He lost hope for the future. One night, he sat in the college library and contemplated the different ways he could kill himself. And in his worst moment, Sam Yapa says that Jesus spoke to him. That’s ...
... possession documents that could make them suddenly very, very wealthy. Fortunately, Harvey and Egan are honest men. The men returned the securities to an official of AT&T who said a messenger from the securities firm of Goldman, Sachs and Company had accidentally dropped the envelope on the sidewalk. But here is what is surprising about this incident. According to Harvey Bugner when they gave officials at AT&T the envelope, the officials barely said thanks and then quickly gave them the brush off. No reward ...
On the Jungle-Cruise at Disney a nervous lady passenger asked the guide if he ever had trouble with snakes dropping into the open boat from overhanging limbs. "Naw," he drawled, kidding with the lady, "no trouble. You got a snake in the boat, then you got people in the water. You got people in the water, you got alligators in the water. You got alligators in the water, you got people back in the boat. Ain't no trouble at all."
A man was riding in a taxi when he realized he had left his wallet at home. Suddenly he had an idea. About a block away from his destination, he said to the driver, "Stop at this hardware store and wait for me. I need to buy a flashlight so I can look for the hundred-dollar bill that I dropped back here." When the man came out of the hardware store, the taxi was gone.
... says, "You, Charlie Brown, are a foul ball in the line drive of life! You're the shadow of your own goal posts! You are a miscue! You are three putts on the eighteenth green! You are a seven-ten split in the tenth frame; a love set! You have dropped a rod and a reel in the lake of life! You are a missed free throw, a shanked nine iron and a called third strike! Do you understand? Have I made myself clear?"
A patient limped into the doctor's office. The doctor handed the patient a large pill. Momentarily the doctor was distracted by a noise outside the room. Meanwhile the patient limped over to the sink and choked down the pill. Then the doctor returned with a bucket and said, "Now drop the pill in the bucket and we'll soak your foot."
The newest graduates of the paratroopers school were about to take their first real jump out of an airplane. One of the young men, remembering what he had learned in class, mentioned that it only takes seven seconds of free-fall to drop 1,000 feet. One of the less confident members of the group turned to his partner and tremblingly asked, "Supposin' your chute didn't open. What would you do?" His friend answered, "All I know is I'd have seven seconds to learn how to fly."
A fisherman was lugging a large fish when he met another fisherman with half a dozen small ones on a string. "Howdy," said the first fisherman, dropping the huge fish and waiting for a comment. The fellow with the string of small ones stared and stared. Then he said calmly, "Just caught the one, eh?"
... next to you with how righteous or holy you are. That would be very freeing for the average working Joe. Working Joe would have looked on every religious leader and felt vastly inferior. He would have seen him in the synagogue, parading toward the offering plate, dropping in large bags of money. Working Joe would have seen the Pharisee standing on the corner, praying, lifting his hands to heaven. He saw how the pious acted and it was a good example of what Working Joe wasn’t and a good example that Working ...
... love him gasped loudly. The colorfully robed Sadducees and Pharisees looked away, not in horror, not in revulsion, but to hide the satisfying smiles that wanted to escape their lips. The soldiers raised the cross, an exclusively Roman method of torture and death, and dropped it into the hole. His flesh, muscles, and tendons tore as his full weight was now suspended by the large spikes driven into his body. Do you think the religious leaders recalled Isaiah 53:7 where the prophet said, “He is brought as a ...
... The stone had been rolled away. The women ran the remaining yards and peered inside to see an empty tomb. One would imagine that at that moment, his prophecies of rising from the grave would have been forefront in their minds but they weren’t. Mary Magdalene dropped her bundles and ran toward where they knew John and Peter were hiding from the crowds. Her news was simple. It had nothing to do with a resurrection. It only had to do with an empty tomb and the missing body. There was still no recognition in ...
... one, is unique.” Song of Songs 6:9 If you’ve ever spent time in any large city, no doubt, you’ll at some point find yourself amidst a bevy of pigeons. In our city culture, we often see pigeons as an annoyance, somewhat dirty birds that leave droppings all over our sidewalks and strut leisurely across our path. And yet, we honor the “dove” as a symbol of the Holy Spirit, a sign of peace, restoration, and love. These birds, all species of the Columbidae[1] family, are one and the same. While we have ...
... just like an angel today." I'm in the "tongues of men and of angels" business. And yet, says Paul in this thirteenth chapter of Corinthians, without love, all my poetry is auditory pollution. Without love, the greatest speech by the greatest rhetorician is a cymbal dropped on the floor. Spoken without love, all the orations of Cicero are no better than the first blast on a rented trumpet by a fourteen-year-old who's only taking band because he's trying to pull up his grades for football. Strong words. So ...
... their young; now they're looking for home. And one of my theories for why you don't understand your teachers is that a majority of the Duke faculty are children of the Sixties where the main educational agenda was detachment, breaking away, cutting loose, dropping out, tuning in to the Age of Aquarius. Now we middle-aged tenured radicals brunch in Faculty Commons, and complain about how conservative are our students. Not perceptive enough are we to know that you may be boldly on a search for home. A search ...
... in the late Seventies, I was having this conversation with a secretary at the university. She was telling me about how she and her husband had befriended an Iranian graduate student. When the revolution began in Iran, the student had all of his funds cut off, so he had to drop out of his graduate program. He now lived with the woman and her husband and she tried to get him odd jobs to do to help him get by. "How in the world did you get involved in this way with this student?" I asked her, amazed at what ...
... up the world to conquer it for Jesus, Thomas received India. There Thomas died for the faith that he once had doubted. Indeed, in South India today you will find a church called the Thomist Church of South India which claims that Thomas was its founder. Thomas dropped his doubts at the pierced feet of Jesus and became one of those by whose testimony we have the faith today. Thomas was a doubter. He had to see for himself. Jesus did not condemn him for that. However, Jesus did say that “Blessed are those ...
... of the U.S. Special Forces Operation Command tells of his training as a Navy SEAL. One technique that the SEALs practice regularly according to Admiral McRaven is how to perform underwater attacks against enemy ships. It is a grueling and risky operation. Two SEAL divers are dropped off at night at least two miles away from an enemy harbor. With only a depth gauge and a compass, the two divers must swim at least two miles underwater in the dark to reach the enemy ship. But this isn’t the hardest part of ...
... Patrick was spooked by a sound coming from a cardboard box in the corner of the room. He walked over and peeked inside and found a baby! It was a newborn baby girl, abandoned in the dorm laundry room. The baby’s body temperature was dropping, and she was turning blue. Patrick grabbed the first student he saw, a nursing student named Esther Raiger, and asked for her help. Providentially, Raiger had just completed a course in infant care. She cared for the baby until paramedics arrived. The hospital staff ...
... s constant desire to compete against others was poisoning his soul. He invited the young man to join him at his retreat center, where all the students loved one another and shared their possessions. So the ambitious pre-med student called his parents and told them he was dropping out of medical school. A few months later, he wrote a letter to explain his new way of life. His letter began: “Dear Mom and Dad, I know you weren’t happy about my decision, but I want to tell you how it has changed me. For the ...
... story is an example of the virtue of humility. As Robert Capon says, it's not a parable about the virtue of humility but a story about religious futility. It is not exhortation to adopt a humble religious stance rather than a proud one; it is a warning to drop all religious stances. I want you to give this Pharisee here all the credit you can. I know the Pharisees get a bad press in the Gospels but forget any bad thing you may have heard about Pharisees; this one is a great guy. He has never cheated on ...