... was looking he stole 3 candy bars from a store shelf. Walking out of the store he turned to Ricardo and bragged, “Ha! Did you see what this old Southern boy did? I stole three candy bars and got away with it. Man, I’m slick.” Ricardo wasn’t impressed. “That’s nothing. Let’s go back to that store and I’ll show you what slick is where I come from.” So they returned to the convenience store. Ricardo went up to the young man behind the counter and said, “You want you see a fantastic magic ...
... called third world where poverty is the rule and not the exception. Most of us have never seen real poverty. We drive past houses that are run down and see children who are neglected. We say, “That’s poverty.” Someone has noted, however, that what impresses people in deprived countries about America is not how the wealthy live, but how the poor live. Our poor are wealthy compared to the poor in many developing countries. This is not to say poverty is not a great problem in America. It is probably more ...
... business? It's about love and grace and justice that are more than words and slogans. A closing story about what happens when the math doesn't work -- when we don't allow it to work. It is reported that Mahatma Gandhi, in his younger days, was impressed with Christianity. One Sunday in South Africa he went to a church, planning to ask the minister afterwards for instructions in the faith. But as he entered the building the ushers refused to seat him. "Why don't you visit the colored peoples' church?" he was ...
2504. Monty's MasterCard
Illustration
Adam Hamilton
Several years ago the Royal Bank of Scotland sent an offer for a Gold MasterCard to Monty Slater. The card came with a $20,000 credit limit--quite impressive for his first credit card, particularly when you consider that Monty is a Shih Tzu dog. Raymond, his owner, thought about using the card for some of Monty’s favorite treats but reconsidered, recognizing that his pup was not in a position to pay the balance when it came due--and that might negatively affect Monty’s credit rating!
2505. Job History
Humor Illustration
King Duncan
Jim needs a job, and has no qualms about inventing the necessary qualifications. He reasons that once he finds work, he will impress the boss so much that everything will be forgiven. After a successful initial interview at the Encyclopedia of American History, he is called back to meet the sales manager. “You say you have experience selling books?” “Lots of it,” replies Jim. “And you have a Master’s in American history ...
2506. Puddle Purification
Illustration
Rev. Diane Livingston
... you in the name of the Son.” And, yes, you guessed it: the first one was back for another jump and shouted, “And I baptize you in the name of Holy Spirit.” The sheer pleasure of enjoying water on a hot afternoon was coupled with what obviously had made an impression on them while being part of baptisms.
2507. The Birthday Boy
Illustration
King Duncan
Pastor Charles Swindoll recalled his last spanking when he turned thirteen years old. Chuck said, “Having just broken into the sophisticated ranks of the teen world, I thought I was something on a stick. My father wasn’t nearly as impressed as I was with my great importance and new-found independence. “I was lying on my bed. He was outside the window on a muggy October afternoon in Houston, TX, weeding the garden. He said, ‘Charles, come out and help me weed the garden.’ I said something like ...
... Pujols. For those of you who do not follow major league baseball, Pujols is a World Series champ, an eight-time All Star, and the recipient of three National League Most Valuable Player awards. But people who know him best say that even more impressive than his feats on the field is his life off the field. For one thing, the Pujols Family Foundation he started offers support and care to people with Down syndrome and their families. The foundation also helps the poor in Pujols’ native Dominican Republic ...
2509. Church No-Nos
Humor Illustration
King Duncan
Church nevers . . . 6. Never ask an usher to break a $20. 5. Never do a cannonball in the baptismal tank. 4. Never hold a church business meeting on Super Bowl Sunday. 3. Never tell the pastor, “We love your church and we might even come back next Easter.” 2. During youth group activities, never bungee jump off the church steeple or play chicken with the church buses. 1. After a soloist of impressive size sings “Love Lifted Me,” don’t follow with the hymn “It Took a Miracle."
... that is full of abundant blessings. Our perception makes all the difference. If we look for the blessings, if we look for the acts grounded in love, we will find them. That is our choice today. Are we going to be a people of scarcity, competing with each other to impress God? Or are we going to be a people of abundance? Are we going to be people who feel in their hearts the deep, abiding, abundant love of God? Can we be a people who go out and share that love in the world? There is our choice: competition ...
... day while he was cruising in the South Seas he heard from some sailors about the most perfect pearl that they had ever seen. He couldn't wait to see it and he told the captain to set his course to find the pearl. When he arrived he was really impressed and he said that he would give anything that he had if the owner would sell him the pearl. There was lot of talk but finally the owner agreed to sell his pearl for all the money that the man had. (Hold up a pearl.) It cost a lot but ...
... say that the attitude of the celebrity is even more important to their act than their appearance. A man named John DiDomenico has impersonated President Donald Trump for over twelve years. He says, “I think with him more than any other impression or impersonation, it’s really the attitude. It’s coming in totally confident and being, ‘You’re it. You’re No. 1.’ That’s really important. It’s actually kind of affected me personally,” says John DiDomenico. “It actually helps me ...
... himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross!” There was nothing phony about the Master. There was no desire to impress others by seeming to be something he was not. He was real to the end, even as he reached out in love to the thief who hung next to him and forgave the soldiers who taunted him and ultimately crucified him. And that’s what he wants from ...
... beings with abundant food, fulfilling work and a personal relationship with God? I’m reminded of the story of the young soldier who was overseas. He was writing his girlfriend. He wanted to send her a telegram because he thought that would make more of an impression. So he gave the telegraph operator a message to send. The message was this: “I love you. I love you. I love you. John.” The telegraph operator said, “Son, for the same amount of money you can send one more word.” So he amended his ...
... ll cherish the old rugged cross, till my trophies at last I lay down; I will cling to the old rugged cross, and exchange it some day for a crown . . .” (1) The Old Rugged Cross became one of the most popular hymns of the twentieth century. What impressed me, however, was how Bennard described his feelings as he struggled to bring his feelings to the printed page: “I saw the Christ of the Cross as if I were seeing John 3:16 leave the printed page, take form and act out the meaning of redemption.” John ...
... they were in exile in Italy, his wife died and no one knows what else happened to him but, when he returned to France, he was a priest. Myriel lived the life of a simple, village priest but one day, by chance, he met Napoleon and the emperor was so impressed with the kindly old man that he ordered him to be made a bishop. Myriel, however, continued to live as a humble priest. He moved into the hospital and gave up the lavish bishop’s manse to be used as another hospital. He kept only a tenth of his salary ...
... did they do that?” For example, those of you who are James Bond fans might already know that the biggest stunt explosion in movie history was in the 24th Bond movie, Spectre. It’s even listed in the Guinness Book of World Records. It’s an impressive scene. It took over 2,000 gallons of kerosene, 300 detonators, 24 explosive devices and a mountain of dust and debris to fake this spectacular explosion. (1) Too bad the Guinness Book of World Records wasn’t around in Jesus’ day. Because there is no ...
... on Sunday (morning) other things the rest of the time. No problem. The beatitude pronounces that the only way to see God is to focus our total attention upon God. Showing up in church for one hour a week expecting to be spiritually fed, mentally entertained and impressed, and emotionally inspired won’t work. Those who actually experience the presence of God in their lives are the ones who focus on God and do the work that comes with dedicating their lives to the pursuit of God’s will. The promise of the ...
... could embark on much deeper religious study. We don’t know what happened next, although we can take educated guesses. But for now, I’ll leave you with these questions: We know, for now, Jesus accompanied his parents back to Nazareth. We also know how impressed the rabbis were with him in Jerusalem. Did he return to study in Jerusalem, perhaps under the Great Hillel or some of his followers? Did he stay in Nazareth, studying in their synagogues? Did he follow another rabbi and learn from him? We can’t ...
... been warned by Jesus, but they have been in positions of great power over God’s people, and they have failed not only the people, but God. They have as God’s representatives, failed to represent God honestly. And therefore, the people’s impression of God has been skewed. In order to be in right relationship with God, they must first restore right relationships between themselves (God’s representatives) and God’s people, with themselves and with God. Only then can God say, “well done good and ...
... or a child, or father –something that reminds you of that person. Many of you probably keep keepsakes of some of those beloved items. They are powerful reminders of who that person was to us, and who will always remain in our hearts. Images are powerful. They can impress upon our memories. They can also haunt us. A woman who lost her child in an automobile crash….can’t get the image of a dropped teddy bear out of her head. A woman who lost her son in Iraq couldn’t part with his beloved basketball. A ...
... go out into the world, you are provoked and challenged to confess and profess Jesus in every imaginable way. Followers of Jesus, disciples of Jesus who are anointed, washed, baptized, clothed in the power of the Holy Spirit are not dressed for success (or dressed to impress) but dressed to confess and profess the powerful presence of Jesus in our lives and in the lives of others. They are children of the Light who exude the light of God to everyone they meet in love, in grace, in kindness, and in hope. You ...
... destiny and achieve our own outcomes. We must rely on the providence of God. Faith leaves no room for overthinkers. And yet, most of us overthink at one time or another. Humans are compulsive overthinkers. Over-achievers. Over-controllers. We are definitely over-impressed with ourselves and our own righteousness. And when we pray, we are typically over-talkers. We aren’t really listening to God or asking for God’s will or favor. Most often, we are laying out our lives, and then expectantly instructing ...
... . In the story of Esther, the young woman is chosen to be Queen of Persia. Unknown to the King or Haman or anyone in the kingdom, Esther, whose Hebrew name is Hadassah (the myrtle), is Jewish. But her gentle, humble, beautiful spirit impresses the King, and he grows fond of her. Meanwhile Haman, a Persian nobleman with political aspirations, kisses up to the King, appearing to be loyal, kind, and good-natured. However, underneath, he despises the Jewish people and conspires to have them exterminated ...
... hear!” Or in our language, “Listen!” Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and ...