Debbie Farmer, in her book Don’t Put Lipstick on the Cat! shares a hilarious essay which she calls “What a Mother Is Thankful For.” She lists many things a Mother learns to be thankful for after she has children. I want to read just a few of them. I believe that some of you will relate to her words. She writes, BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful to have been born in the USA, the most powerful free democracy in the world. AFTER CHILDREN: I am thankful for Velcro tennis shoes. As well as saving valuable time, ...
2477. Memorization of the Bible
Illustration
Jack Kuhatschek
While studying in the Holy Lands, a seminary professor of mine met a man who claimed to have memorized the Old Testament in Hebrew! Needless to say, the astonished professor asked for a demonstration. A few days later they sat together in the man's home. "Where shall we begin?" asked the man. "Psalm 1," replied my professor, who was an avid student of the psalms. Beginning with Psalm 1:1, the man began to recite from memory, while my professor followed along in his Hebrew Bible. For two hours the man ...
2478. Looking Down the Barrel
Illustration
In 1832, Abraham Lincoln returned from New Orleans to New Salem, Illinois. On credit, Lincoln bought an interest in a general store with William Berry. After a year or so of trying to make a go of it, they found themselves more in debt. On the front porch of his little country store in Illinois, Abraham Lincoln and Berry, his partner, stood. Business was all gone, and Berry asked, "How much longer can we keep this going?" Lincoln answered, "It looks as if our business has just about winked out." Then he ...
2479. Don't Let It Get You
Illustration
Imagine that you are a world-class concert pianist at the peak of your career, someone who has spent years studying and practicing to develop your art. Your fingers respond instantly to your mental commands, flitting along the keyboard with grace and speed. Then one day you feel a stiffness that wasn't there before. You go to a doctor, tests are done, and the diagnosis comes back: Arthritis. Your fingers are destined to become wooden and crippled. From the heights of success and acclaim you will plunge to ...
2480. Counting the Governor
Humor Illustration
NoA former Lieutenant Governor of Pennsylvania told about boarding a train for Harrisburg when in came a guard from the state insane asylum with twenty men who had been committed to that institution. They all sat down around the Lieutenant Governor. The guard didn't know the Lieutenant Governor, and before the train started he came down the aisle to count the people for whom he was responsible. He came along and said, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven...", and coming to the Lieutenant Governor said ...
2481. Hare Restorer
Humor Illustration
A farmer was working on his tractor close to a highway. He noticed a rabbit jump out of the brush and run out into the roadway at the same time a car was coming along. The car hit the rabbit and flattened it right out. The farmer looked on as the driver stopped his car, got out, went to the trunk of his car and took out a spray can. He went over to the flattened rabbit and began to spray it. When he did this the rabbit began to move a little bit. He sprayed it again. The rabbit was starting to get his ...
Mark’s version of Jesus’ arrival and entrance into Jerusalem celebrates the drama and pageantry of the event and yet is far more understated than the other gospel accounts. All the common elements of the story are found: the borrowed colt, the cheering crowd, the garments on the ground, the branches gathered, the temple destination. But Mark’s treatment of this “triumphal entry” is tempered by his continued emphasis on the unexpected nature of Jesus’ messianic mission and identity. In Mark’s telling, at ...
How many of you have been “April Fooled” already today? Did you get salt out of the sugar bowl for your coffee or cereal? Did the lids to the pepper and salt shakers fall completely off with the first shake? Were all your shirt sleeves turned inside out? Good April Fool jokes and pranks are supposed to strike out at our routines, shake up our perceptions, make something ordinary odd and extraordinary. Sometimes April Fool is something contrived. Sometimes April Fool just happens. For example, Andy Warhol, ...
Among all Paul’s writings, his letter to the Ephesians stands out as perhaps his most soaring and yet succinct presentation of God’s purpose for the world as fulfilled by Jesus Christ. It also lifts the veil to reveal the place of Paul’s own mission to the Gentiles in that reborn, redeemed reality. In today’s reading from this letter, Paul eloquently describes the transformation that Christ’s reconciling work has accomplished. A world that seemed hopelessly divided between those who stood in a special ...
There is nothing like escaping to a cool movie theater on a hot summer night. If you are a high school or college kid on break from school, there is no better stuffy, hot night escape than a scary movie that makes your blood run cold. Ever since the dawn of movies there have been “fright films.” Frankenstein, Dracula, and the Wolfman were first on the silver screen. Later on mythical monsters were replaced by urban monsters, and the “teenage slasher” movie was born — where lonely baby-sitters and popular ...
The miracle of the "sign" (John's preferred term) of feeding the five thousand in today's gospel text is the only wondrous work of Jesus recorded in all four of the gospels. John's version, however, contains its own unique details and nuances, along with a startling ending. Throughout this unit the subtle and not-so-subtle parallels that John draws between Moses, who was Israel's first "redeemer," and Jesus, whose ultimate act of redemption is yet to come, is evident. The Sea of Galilee, so prominently ...
2487. No One Completes the Journey Solo
John 6:1-21
Illustration
John E. Harnish
The migration of the monarch butterfly is an amazing story, a lovely little creature who blesses our gardens and forests in the summer. Every autumn, millions of monarchs from all over the eastern United States and Canada migrate thousands of miles to a small handful of sites in Mexico where they rest for the winter. Then in the spring, they begin their return trip to the north. The amazing thing is that no individual monarch ever makes the trip to Mexico and back. A butterfly that leaves the Adirondack ...
Have you ever been assaulted by a smell? Walking down the street, creeping out of a vent in the sidewalk; strolling along the mid-way of a carnival or fair, wafting its way from a kiosk — sometimes an odor will “hit you” and almost send you reeling. Sometimes that odor will even thrust your psyche back into another time and place. Maybe it’s the sweet smell of caramel apples. Maybe it’s the pungent punch of garlic and onion. Maybe it’s moldy and murky smell of a basement. Maybe it’s the seaweedy smell of ...
The plane from Amsterdam to Africa was crowded. As three passengers stood in the aisle, you could tell they were hikers. Awkwardly, they stuffed heavy backpacks into already overloaded bins. Excitement seemed to emanate from them. Their conversation was animated as they laughed and focused on their climb up the fourth highest mountain in the world. As the plane flew over the Alps, they strained their necks to catch a view of the majestic mountains. Clouds enveloped the tops of their summits. Soon they ...
Nowadays we have 24-hour news stations, satellite radio, email alerts, and other ways of finding out breaking news pretty much the instant it is happening. But it wasn't always so. When John Adams acted as an ambassador to Europe during the Revolutionary War he could go for months without hearing from the Continental Congress. He arranged loans of millions of dollars to help the fledgling nation, but no one back in America knew. The Battle of New Orleans was a decisive victory for the new nation in the War ...
"Don't be afraid." How many times have we heard those words in our lifetime? Our parents whispered them: Don't be afraid of: thunder, darkness, branches scraping against the window. Don't be afraid of: striking out on the ball field, flunking your physics exam, or your driver's test. When those words are spoken with love and sincerity they can be some of the most soothing words we could ever hope to hear. "Don't be afraid, I'm here with you. You're going to be all right. I love you. Stop worrying. Don't ...
I remember reading in a church development book some time ago of the experiences of a church planter who spent a whole lot of his time in bars. Don't get me wrong. He didn't even drink! What this church planter decided right off the bat was that he would not seek out ready-made Christians (although they were welcome) but that he would go after the lost. He would go after the people that most churches avoided. This man, despite the grumbling of the Pharisees and scribes, welcomed sinners and ate with them. ...
There once was a retreat attended by the clergy of a community for the purpose of establishing support groups. To kick things off the leader broke the participants up into groups of four and instructed them to confide in one another. In one group, a rabbi broke the ice by saying, "I'll begin by sharing one of my most disturbing problems. Occasionally I slip out of town and give in to my craving for pork - I stuff myself with bacon, sausage, ham, pork chops, and sometimes even babyback ribs." At this point ...
Luke 1:47-55 or Psalm 80:1-7, Micah 5:2-5a, Luke 1:39-45, Hebrews 10:5-10
Bulletin Aid
Julia Ross Strope
Call To Worship (Includes the lighting of the Advent Wreath) Leader: Good morning! We’ve gathered for various reasons; some of us are dreading being alone during this season; some of us to enjoy the holiday music and decorations. Most of us anticipate remembering the Christmas story with its holy family. People: Yes, we love the Christmas story and the images that remind us we too carry God into the world. Leader: We will sing and pray, dance and sing the old story of God coming into the world as a baby — ...
Psalm 149:1-9, Daniel 7:1-3, 15-18, Luke 6:27-36, Ephesians 1:11-23
Bulletin Aid
Julia Ross Strope
Call To Worship Leader: It’s a good day to praise God! It’s a good time to remember how God has been with us. People: It’s the right time to be grateful for the women and men who have blessed us through the years — whose faith has been an example for us. Leader: We thank God for the Holy Spirit in us and revealed in others. People: How powerful are the blessings God gives us! Leader: The power working in us is the same power that raised Jesus to life. People: Hallelujah! Prayer Of Thanksgiving Great God — ...
A man from the U.S. was on his first trip to Australia. He summoned a taxi at the airport. He was shocked when the taxi driver asked him in a strong Australian accent, “Did you come here to die?” This was unexpected and disturbing a cabbie asking him, “Did you come here to die?” What kind of ride was he in for? The man wondered. He said, “Excuse me?” The cabbie elaborated, “Did you come here to die, or yester-die?” In today’s Gospel lesson Jesus is breaking it to his disciples that he has come to die and ...
One of the most popular shows from last season is returning this fall with ads asking potential audiences, “What would you do if your weren’t ‘handicapped’ by sight?” “The Voice” is a talent show that keeps the judges in the dark, so to speak. It requires them to judge all the contestants only on the quality of their voices. The judges’ backs are turned and they never see the performer. Power, poise, presence, emotion, erudition, excitement — it all has to be conveyed to the judges only by the sound of the ...
Twice already in James’ brief epistle readers have been admonished to mind their tongues. In 1:19 the epistle writer advocated being “slow to speak,” while in 1:26 James affirmed that an unbridled tongue could lead to religious faith that was “worthless.” In this week’s epistle text James sets forth a carefully constructed, organized argument about the need for those who would call themselves members of the community of faith, to tame their tongues. James surprisingly begins with some negative career ...
Call To Worship Leader: Greetings! The year is not quite so new. But we’re glad for the breath of life and for the opportunity to gather in this place. People: We enjoy being together and we anticipate hearing God and responding with music, silence, and words. Leader: Here we learn the teachings of Jesus, and we can practice them with each other. People: It’s easy to love one another here; it’s easy to share our money and our clothes, our food and our homes. Leader: It’s not so easy, though, to practice at ...
Psalm 22:1-31, Isaiah 52:13--53:12, John 18:1-11, Hebrews 10:16-25
Bulletin Aid
Julia Ross Strope
Consider opening the sanctuary from noon until 7:00 p.m. so people can stop by on their way home from work, with fifteen- to thirty-minute “services” at noon, 3:00, and 6:00. Another option is to read one scripture and sing one hymn at the top of each hour. Deacons, Stephen Ministers, Elders, and other leaders may wish to schedule themselves to “cover” a block of time so attendees are not alone with the Good Friday experience. Have available copies of the Celtic knot from the book cover and the hands found ...